Dan Jacobson
November 4th 04, 08:52 PM
Gentlemen, I was thinking, in the war against insect pests, what is it
that we have that they lack? Computers.
Not just computers to design fancy pesticide formulas. I'm talking
about something we can activate to zap them while we are sitting on
the couch watching TV.
In particular, mosquitoes with their devious flying habits. Ha ha
thought you were smart, but my Patriot Missile system has locked on to
you and Boom, blew a hole in the wall. Mom will not be pleased.
OK, introducing Home Patriot Missiles for Mosquitoes, code name
Missletoe. From a corner of the ceiling it sends out stun gun
rays just enough to down enemy mosquitoes, of course checking no
warm bodies are in the background first.
Oops still zapped mom's hairdo, and ignited pop's whiskey sour. OK,
how about sending out plastic bee bees with only enough velocity to
down the little *******s. Wait, after long they recover and are
airborne again.
Why, of course, sticky bee bees. Naw, environmentally messy.
Sticky or not, who's going to sweep up all those bee bees.
It looks like anything that sends out "death rays" would be to
dangerous for the home. High velocity water drops? "Fast enough to
avoid drafts, vaporize upon impact, not staining walls." Great if
everybody wears eye protection. Might end up like "held hostage at
dentist's office by rouge plaque cleaning device."
Hmmm, perhaps a hand held version, so if mom gets zapped we are less
legally responsible.
Maybe an electronic predator insect that swoops them up in mid air.
Naw too expensive.
Anyway, sure there are electric flyswatters, but I want a smart flyswatter.
OK, brainstorm over.
that we have that they lack? Computers.
Not just computers to design fancy pesticide formulas. I'm talking
about something we can activate to zap them while we are sitting on
the couch watching TV.
In particular, mosquitoes with their devious flying habits. Ha ha
thought you were smart, but my Patriot Missile system has locked on to
you and Boom, blew a hole in the wall. Mom will not be pleased.
OK, introducing Home Patriot Missiles for Mosquitoes, code name
Missletoe. From a corner of the ceiling it sends out stun gun
rays just enough to down enemy mosquitoes, of course checking no
warm bodies are in the background first.
Oops still zapped mom's hairdo, and ignited pop's whiskey sour. OK,
how about sending out plastic bee bees with only enough velocity to
down the little *******s. Wait, after long they recover and are
airborne again.
Why, of course, sticky bee bees. Naw, environmentally messy.
Sticky or not, who's going to sweep up all those bee bees.
It looks like anything that sends out "death rays" would be to
dangerous for the home. High velocity water drops? "Fast enough to
avoid drafts, vaporize upon impact, not staining walls." Great if
everybody wears eye protection. Might end up like "held hostage at
dentist's office by rouge plaque cleaning device."
Hmmm, perhaps a hand held version, so if mom gets zapped we are less
legally responsible.
Maybe an electronic predator insect that swoops them up in mid air.
Naw too expensive.
Anyway, sure there are electric flyswatters, but I want a smart flyswatter.
OK, brainstorm over.