HUMOROUS ANECDOTES

[[email protected]]

How about sharing a few hangar flying stories? I'll start:

A friend of mine was flying his glider in a contest. He had been out
on task for some time, and still had a way to go when nature called.
He had no relief system in the glider but a search of the cockpit
turned up a latex glove.
Ever the creative souls that we glider pilots are, he started using the
latex glove to relieve himself, one hand on each "stick", just as he
entered a thermal. At the top of the thermal he looked down and saw
that the glove had ballooned alarmingly from low altitude to high. A
delicate attempt to remove the balloon met with disaster and needless
to say there was a urine explosion. Reportedly a hand towel, goggles,
and a squeegie would have been helpful in the aftermath. I can just
hear the cursing and see the erratic glider maneuvering following the
explosion.

Any other funny stories? Unexpected passengers like mice or wasps?
Perhaps some of you may be inclined to offer up an anecdote for the
rest of us.

[[email protected]]

In April I took my 17 y/o nephew David and 15 y/o niece Laura up for
their first glider rides. David is the rough-and-tumble son of a
horseshoe-chewing, nail-spitting retired Green Beret sergeant, black
belt in Taekwondo, and already had 40 or 50 freefall skydives when I
took him up. Laura likes tea sets, baby cousins, sugar and spice and
everything nice.

Ladies first. After a demonstration off tow, Laura took the controls
and did smooth, coordinated 360 degree turns to the left and right. We
thermaled back up and enjoyed a 45-minute ride. She's a natural pilot
and can't wait to go up again.

David threw up ten seconds into the first turn off tow and asked me to
land as soon as possible. Out went the spoilers and the ride ended
three minutes later!

[[email protected]]

In April I took my 17 y/o nephew David and 15 y/o niece Laura up for
their first glider rides. David is the rough-and-tumble son of a
horseshoe-chewing, nail-spitting retired Green Beret sergeant, black
belt in Taekwondo, and already had 40 or 50 freefall skydives when I
took him up. Laura likes tea sets, baby cousins, sugar and spice and
everything nice.

Ladies first. After a demonstration off tow, Laura took the controls
and did smooth, coordinated 360 degree turns to the left and right. We
thermaled back up and enjoyed a 45-minute ride. She's a natural pilot
and can't wait to go up again.

David threw up ten seconds into the first turn off tow and asked me to
land as soon as possible. Out went the spoilers and the ride ended
three minutes later!

[[email protected]]

German Aviation Terms

AIRCRAFT---Der Fliegenwagen
JET TRANSPORT---Der Muchen Overgrossen Biggenmother Das Ist Fliegen
Highenfaster Mit All Der Mach Und Flightenlevels. (Built by Boeing)
PROPELLER---Der Airfloggen Pushenthruster
ENGINE---Der Noisenmaken Pistonpusher Das Turnens Der Airfloggenfan
Pushenthruster
JET ENGINE---Der Schreemen Skullschplitten Firespitten Smokenmaken
Airpushenbacken Thrustermaker Mit Compressorsqueezen Und Turbinespinnen
Bladenrotors. (Made by Pratt & Whitney)
CONTROL COLUMN---Der Pushenpullen Bankenyanken Schtick
RUDDER PEDALS---Der Tailschwingen Yawmaken Werks
PILOT---Der Pushenpullen Bankenyanken Tailschwingen Werker
PASSENGER---Der Dumbkopf Das Est Strappened En Der Baacken Mit Der
Other Dumbkopfs Das Est Expecten To Leave Undgo On Scheduledtimen Und
Arriven mit Der Luggagebags Somplaceneisen
STUDENT PILOT---Der Dumbkopf Das Learnen Fliegen Un Hopen To
Jobenfinden Mit Der Airlinens
FLIGHT INSTRUCTOR---Der Timenbuilder Mit Less Den 1000 Hrs
Multienginefliegen. Teachen Dumbkopfs To Fliegen Vile Waitenwatchen Fer
Der Letter Mit Der Joboffering Frum United
AIRLINE TRANSPORT PILOT---Das Grosse Overpaiden Und Under Werken
Whinencomplainer Biggen Schmuck Dat Fliegen Mit Das Big Airlinen
PARACHUTE---Der Stringencotten Das Est Usen To Floaten Der
Tailschwingen Pushenpullen Bankenyanken Werker Down To Earthen Ven Der
Fliegenwagen Est Kaputen
FAA---Der Friggenfliegen Dumbkopf Schmucks Das Maken Alder Rulens Und
Regulations
HELICOPTER --- Der Flingen Wingen Maschinen mit der Floppen Bladens dot
ist Fliegen by der Dumbkopfs vas iss too Stupiden for Knowen dees
Maschinens ees not Safen ver Fliegen.

[rich]

wrote:
> German Aviation Terms
>
> AIRCRAFT---Der Fliegenwagen
> JET TRANSPORT---Der Muchen Overgrossen Biggenmother Das Ist Fliegen
> Highenfaster Mit All Der Mach Und Flightenlevels. (Built by Boeing)
> PROPELLER---Der Airfloggen Pushenthruster
> ENGINE---Der Noisenmaken Pistonpusher Das Turnens Der Airfloggenfan
> Pushenthruster
> JET ENGINE---Der Schreemen Skullschplitten Firespitten Smokenmaken
> Airpushenbacken Thrustermaker Mit Compressorsqueezen Und Turbinespinnen
> Bladenrotors. (Made by Pratt & Whitney)
> CONTROL COLUMN---Der Pushenpullen Bankenyanken Schtick
> RUDDER PEDALS---Der Tailschwingen Yawmaken Werks
> PILOT---Der Pushenpullen Bankenyanken Tailschwingen Werker
> PASSENGER---Der Dumbkopf Das Est Strappened En Der Baacken Mit Der
> Other Dumbkopfs Das Est Expecten To Leave Undgo On Scheduledtimen Und
> Arriven mit Der Luggagebags Somplaceneisen
> STUDENT PILOT---Der Dumbkopf Das Learnen Fliegen Un Hopen To
> Jobenfinden Mit Der Airlinens
> FLIGHT INSTRUCTOR---Der Timenbuilder Mit Less Den 1000 Hrs
> Multienginefliegen. Teachen Dumbkopfs To Fliegen Vile Waitenwatchen Fer
> Der Letter Mit Der Joboffering Frum United
> AIRLINE TRANSPORT PILOT---Das Grosse Overpaiden Und Under Werken
> Whinencomplainer Biggen Schmuck Dat Fliegen Mit Das Big Airlinen
> PARACHUTE---Der Stringencotten Das Est Usen To Floaten Der
> Tailschwingen Pushenpullen Bankenyanken Werker Down To Earthen Ven Der
> Fliegenwagen Est Kaputen
> FAA---Der Friggenfliegen Dumbkopf Schmucks Das Maken Alder Rulens Und
> Regulations
> HELICOPTER --- Der Flingen Wingen Maschinen mit der Floppen Bladens dot
> ist Fliegen by der Dumbkopfs vas iss too Stupiden for Knowen dees
> Maschinens ees not Safen ver Fliegen.

[Roy Bourgeois]

There is a story going around about an FAA examiner who was more than a
little fearful in gliders. While doing a CFI check ride for an experienced
contest pilot she pulled an "emergency" tow release at 1800 feet and in a
strained voice asked " "Rope break!", "What are you going to do now!!?"
The sheepish contest pilot replied, " Roll out on course?"

Roy

[Eric Greenwell]

wrote:
> How about sharing a few hangar flying stories? I'll start:

A week ago, I landed my glider at our airport, announcing "Glider six
alpha entering..." in the pattern on downwind, base, and final. As I
touched down and began to roll to the ramp exit, the airplane pilot
waiting to takeoff asked "Is that a full stop or touch and go"?

--
Change "netto" to "net" to email me directly

Eric Greenwell
Washington State
USA

[Shawn]

Eric Greenwell wrote:
> wrote:
>
>> How about sharing a few hangar flying stories? I'll start:
>
>
> A week ago, I landed my glider at our airport, announcing "Glider six
> alpha entering..." in the pattern on downwind, base, and final. As I
> touched down and began to roll to the ramp exit, the airplane pilot
> waiting to takeoff asked "Is that a full stop or touch and go"?
>
Did you hear the snickering or had he released the ptt switch?

[Andy]

Isn't 6A a self launcher? Perhaps the airplane driver knew more than
you gave credit for.

[Eric Greenwell]

Shawn wrote:

> Eric Greenwell wrote:
>
>> wrote:
>>
>>> How about sharing a few hangar flying stories? I'll start:
>>
>>
>>
>> A week ago, I landed my glider at our airport, announcing "Glider six
>> alpha entering..." in the pattern on downwind, base, and final. As I
>> touched down and began to roll to the ramp exit, the airplane pilot
>> waiting to takeoff asked "Is that a full stop or touch and go"?
>>

> Did you hear the snickering or had he released the ptt switch?

My reply was "I've never had anyone ask that of a glider before", which
provoked a laugh and "Guess I wasn't paying attention to the situation"
from the pilot.

--
Change "netto" to "net" to email me directly

Eric Greenwell
Washington State
USA

[Eric Greenwell]

Andy wrote:

> Isn't 6A a self launcher? Perhaps the airplane driver knew more than
> you gave credit for.
>
My reply was "I've never had anyone ask that of a glider before", which
provoked a laugh and "Guess I wasn't paying attention to the situation"
from the pilot.

So, while it was a correct question, it was made in ignorance, but the
pilot seemed to enjoy the moment and sounded only slightly chagrined.

--
Change "netto" to "net" to email me directly

Eric Greenwell
Washington State
USA

[JB]

This story happened with a fellow glider pilot of mine, some years ago.

The airclub set a wavecamp by the mountains about 350 Km from the normal
operations site.

This pilot took off and as he was climbing above the initialy requested
altitude for the wavecamp, he contact ATC by radio to request more altitude.
The dialogue happened more or less like this:

ATC: Did you fill a flight plan?
Pilot: No.
ATC: If you didn't fill it on the ground, you have to fill it now on the
radio.
Pilot: Ok.
ATC: Type of aircraft?
Pilot: Glider.
ATC: Number of engines?
Pilot: It's pure glider, no engine.
ATC: Humm... Ok. Registration?
Pilot: CS-PXX
ATC: Souls on board?
Pilot: One. Only the pilot.
ATC: Autonomy?
Pilot: Well... humm... If the meteorolgists got it right about 10 days!!!

The ATC then gave up from the flight plan and cleared the requested
altitude.

In fact there were wave conditions for 12 days in a row!!!


José Barriga

[goneill]

A well known contest pilot flying his ASW17 had to take a pee ,
he always kept the plastic inner bags out of cardboard wine boxes,
just tore out the plastic valve, the hole was just the right size and
had 4 litre capacity,this day he only had one bag and figured he
would just empty it out the bag,he forgot about the cockpit, nasa style
air intakes under the wing. He got his own pee back from the front vent
showering him and the instrument panel ,he was not amused ,
we thought it was hilarious
> wrote in message
oups.com...
> How about sharing a few hangar flying stories? I'll start:
>
> A friend of mine was flying his glider in a contest. He had been out
> on task for some time, and still had a way to go when nature called.
> He had no relief system in the glider but a search of the cockpit
> turned up a latex glove.
> Ever the creative souls that we glider pilots are, he started using the
> latex glove to relieve himself, one hand on each "stick", just as he
> entered a thermal. At the top of the thermal he looked down and saw
> that the glove had ballooned alarmingly from low altitude to high. A
> delicate attempt to remove the balloon met with disaster and needless
> to say there was a urine explosion. Reportedly a hand towel, goggles,
> and a squeegie would have been helpful in the aftermath. I can just
> hear the cursing and see the erratic glider maneuvering following the
> explosion.
>
> Any other funny stories? Unexpected passengers like mice or wasps?
> Perhaps some of you may be inclined to offer up an anecdote for the
> rest of us.
>

[Tony Verhulst]

I read this in Soaring magazine many years ago.

A passenger was enjoying a acro flight in a Grob 103 (I think). During
one maneuver, while inverted, the passenger loses his/her lunch. The
pilot looks "up" and sees the stuff over his head (remember the attitude
in inverted flight) while the passenger is yelling to get the glider
right side up.

Tony V.

[[email protected]]

Why NARESH, our pivot-circle-jerk-man, doesn't appear here? I've been
asking myself this question night and day. Finally I found the answer:

He doesn't know how to pee in a glider! But how can you know how to pee
in a glider if you only make 9 minute 36 second flights?

[J.A.M.]

My, why would you torment a passenger with inverted flight?
I enjoy doing the occasional roll, because the manouever is difficult and
beautiful, but the negative g's is one of the most uncomfortable feeling
I've had in the air.
Subjecting a non pilot passenger is a sure way of making him hate the
flight, IMHO...

On the other hand... I can only laugh when I imagine the scene descibed
below. I've been tempted to do something like that to some passengers (the
tipical bravado-full guy who deflates as soon as you pull the relaese
knob...) I know. I'm not a nice guy :)

"Tony Verhulst" > escribió en el mensaje
...
> I read this in Soaring magazine many years ago.
>
> A passenger was enjoying a acro flight in a Grob 103 (I think). During
> one maneuver, while inverted, the passenger loses his/her lunch. The
> pilot looks "up" and sees the stuff over his head (remember the attitude
> in inverted flight) while the passenger is yelling to get the glider
> right side up.
>
> Tony V.

[[email protected]]

J.A.M. wrote:
> My, why would you torment a passenger with inverted flight?
> I enjoy doing the occasional roll, because the manouever is difficult and
> beautiful, but the negative g's is one of the most uncomfortable feeling
> I've had in the air.
> Subjecting a non pilot passenger is a sure way of making him hate the
> flight, IMHO...
>

I used to give commercial glider acro rides in Arizona, and often
included inverted flight in my "routine". Common sense dictated that a
careful analysis of the passenger precede any "strap hanging", but if
the passenger enjoyed a loop, cloverleaf, slow roll, hammerhead (stall
turn for the rest of the world), etc. then they might just like looking
up at the ground for a while.

Oddly enough, I found that women often enjoyed inverted flight, while
most men didn't. Even had one young lady insist on staying inverted
(giggling loudly the whole time) until I had to remind her -
approaching pattern altitude still inverted - that the landing gear was
on the other side of the glider!

OTOH, power pilots were often the worst acro passengers - always asking
where the artificial horizon was, etc...

Kirk