Michael Baldwin, Bruce
December 30th 06, 05:48 AM
pluto wrote:
> "clarinet.fan" > wrote in message
> reenews.net...
> > How many clarinettists does it take to change a lightbulb?
> > Only one, but he'll go through a whole box of bulbs before he finds just
> the
> > right one.
> >
> > What is the bell of a bass clarinet used for?
> > To hold the ashes of the clarinet.
> >
> > What's the definition of "nerd?"
> > Someone who owns his own alto clarinet.
> >
> > What do you call a bass clarinettist with half a brain?
> > Gifted.
> >
> > Band player horoscope
> > http://www.harrogate.co.uk/Harrogate-band/humour81.htm
> > "Clarinet: If you play the clarinet then you're most likely to be strong,
> > and strong-willed, skilled and talented, smart, and of course, romantic.
> The
> > future is always in your past and the past is always in your future. As
> the
> > same for flute players, watch out for the low brass section.
> > Compatibility: Flutes, trumpet and French horn players are advised."
> > "Bass Clarinet: If you play this instrument then you are smart, fun,
> > outgoing, 'wild', open-minded, and talented. You really don't have any
> > concerns to think about, so have fun!
> > Compatibility: Whatever you choose."
> >
> > I guess I should have picked bass clarinet.
> >
> > Weapons of mass destruction
> > http://www.harrogate.co.uk/harrogate-band/humour94.htm
> > "Eb CLARINET: The Eb clarinet is the Tasmanian Devil of the woodwind
> family.
> > Entirely uncontrollable and unpredictable, its blunderbuss like emissions
> > can occur without warning. It is as much a danger to its owner as it is to
> > the intended victim. For this reason the Eb clarinet is not in wide use
> > today and only used by highly trained professionals and circus band
> > daredevils.
> > Bb CLARINET: As the flute is to the piccolo, the Bb Clarinet is to the Eb
> > Clarinet. The only time a Bb clarinet is considered truly dangerous is in
> > the hands of a saxophonist doubling on clarinet. His seemingly lacking
> > ability to adjust his air to the clarinet causes a tone so forced and
> > horrific that decorum prevents me from continuing.
> > ALTO, BASS, CONTRA BASS CLARINET: The Scud missiles of the clarinet
> family.
> > Considered to be low grade weapons, these clarinets are of limited
> lethality
> > due to the geekiness of their operators."
> >
> > Or maybe not ;-)
> >
> > --
> > Sumer is icumen in,
> > Lhude sing, cuccu!
> > Groweth sed and bloweth med
> > And springth the wude nu.
> > Sing, cuccu!
>
> Sumer??? You're rushing the season a bit.
It summer down here - believe it or not!
> How do you get the clarinet.fan down from the tree?
> Cut the noose.
Was he pluto'd?
> What do you call 40 clarinettists at the bottom of the lake?
> A good start.
Sounds like the Dead Sea.
> What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?
> No one cries when you chop a clarinet into little pieces.
>
> A man walked out to a meat store looking for some brains for dinner. He
> looked at the selections:
> - Violinist Brains, $1/lb
> - Trumpeter Brains, $10/lb
> - Percussionist Brains, $5/lb
> Then he saw a sign that read: Clarinettist Brains, $100/lb
> He asked the butcher why clarinettists brains were so expensive.
> The butcher replied, "Do you know how many clarinettists you have to kill to
> get a pound of brains?"
I know for a fact that Dickless doesn't have any brains.
> "clarinet.fan" > wrote in message
> reenews.net...
> > How many clarinettists does it take to change a lightbulb?
> > Only one, but he'll go through a whole box of bulbs before he finds just
> the
> > right one.
> >
> > What is the bell of a bass clarinet used for?
> > To hold the ashes of the clarinet.
> >
> > What's the definition of "nerd?"
> > Someone who owns his own alto clarinet.
> >
> > What do you call a bass clarinettist with half a brain?
> > Gifted.
> >
> > Band player horoscope
> > http://www.harrogate.co.uk/Harrogate-band/humour81.htm
> > "Clarinet: If you play the clarinet then you're most likely to be strong,
> > and strong-willed, skilled and talented, smart, and of course, romantic.
> The
> > future is always in your past and the past is always in your future. As
> the
> > same for flute players, watch out for the low brass section.
> > Compatibility: Flutes, trumpet and French horn players are advised."
> > "Bass Clarinet: If you play this instrument then you are smart, fun,
> > outgoing, 'wild', open-minded, and talented. You really don't have any
> > concerns to think about, so have fun!
> > Compatibility: Whatever you choose."
> >
> > I guess I should have picked bass clarinet.
> >
> > Weapons of mass destruction
> > http://www.harrogate.co.uk/harrogate-band/humour94.htm
> > "Eb CLARINET: The Eb clarinet is the Tasmanian Devil of the woodwind
> family.
> > Entirely uncontrollable and unpredictable, its blunderbuss like emissions
> > can occur without warning. It is as much a danger to its owner as it is to
> > the intended victim. For this reason the Eb clarinet is not in wide use
> > today and only used by highly trained professionals and circus band
> > daredevils.
> > Bb CLARINET: As the flute is to the piccolo, the Bb Clarinet is to the Eb
> > Clarinet. The only time a Bb clarinet is considered truly dangerous is in
> > the hands of a saxophonist doubling on clarinet. His seemingly lacking
> > ability to adjust his air to the clarinet causes a tone so forced and
> > horrific that decorum prevents me from continuing.
> > ALTO, BASS, CONTRA BASS CLARINET: The Scud missiles of the clarinet
> family.
> > Considered to be low grade weapons, these clarinets are of limited
> lethality
> > due to the geekiness of their operators."
> >
> > Or maybe not ;-)
> >
> > --
> > Sumer is icumen in,
> > Lhude sing, cuccu!
> > Groweth sed and bloweth med
> > And springth the wude nu.
> > Sing, cuccu!
>
> Sumer??? You're rushing the season a bit.
It summer down here - believe it or not!
> How do you get the clarinet.fan down from the tree?
> Cut the noose.
Was he pluto'd?
> What do you call 40 clarinettists at the bottom of the lake?
> A good start.
Sounds like the Dead Sea.
> What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?
> No one cries when you chop a clarinet into little pieces.
>
> A man walked out to a meat store looking for some brains for dinner. He
> looked at the selections:
> - Violinist Brains, $1/lb
> - Trumpeter Brains, $10/lb
> - Percussionist Brains, $5/lb
> Then he saw a sign that read: Clarinettist Brains, $100/lb
> He asked the butcher why clarinettists brains were so expensive.
> The butcher replied, "Do you know how many clarinettists you have to kill to
> get a pound of brains?"
I know for a fact that Dickless doesn't have any brains.