No one has posted the Santa Claus/GA thread yet???!

[Darkwing]

I am disappointed. I figured someone would have posted it by now and set of
a fire storm of posts about how stupid it is and never to post it again!
Bwahahaha!

[Matt W. Barrow]

"Darkwing" <theducksmail"AT"yahoo.com> wrote in message
...
>I am disappointed. I figured someone would have posted it by now and set of
>a fire storm of posts about how stupid it is and never to post it again!
>Bwahahaha!
Okay...happy now? -- a lump of coal for you, you muckraker!

Twas the night before Christmas



'Twas the night before Christmas, and out on the ramp,

Not an airplane was stirring, not even a Champ.

The aircraft were fastened to tiedowns with care,

In hopes that come morning, they all would be there.



The fuel trucks were nestled, all snug in their spots,

With gusts from two-forty at 39 knots.

I slumped at the fuel desk, now finally caught up,

And settled down comfortably, resting my butt.



When the radio lit up with noise and with chatter,

I turned up the scanner to see what was the matter.

A voice clearly heard over static and snow,

Called for clearance to land at the airport below.



He barked his transmission so lively and quick,

I'd have sworn that the call sign he used was "St. Nick".

I ran to the panel to turn up the lights,

The better to welcome this magical flight.



He called his position, no room for denial,

"St. Nicholas One, turnin' left onto final."

And what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a Rutan-built sleigh, with eight Rotax Reindeer!



With vectors to final, down the glideslope he came,

As he passed all fixes, he called them by name:

"Now Ringo! Now Tolga! Now Trini and Bacun!

On Comet! On Cupid!" What pills was he takin'?



While controllers were sittin', and scratchin' their head,

They phoned to my office, and I heard it with dread,

The message they left was both urgent and dour:

"When Santa pulls in, have him please call the tower."



He landed like silk, with the sled runners sparking,

Then I heard "Left at Charlie," and "Taxi to parking."

He slowed to a taxi, turned off of three-oh

And stopped on the ramp with a "Ho, ho-ho-ho. "



He stepped out of the sleigh, but before he could talk,

I ran out to meet him with my best set of chocks.

His red helmet and goggles were covered with frost

And his beard was all blackened from Reindeer exhaust.



His breath smelled like peppermint, gone slightly stale,

And he puffed on a pipe, but he didn't inhale.

His cheeks were all rosy and jiggled like jelly,

His boots were as black as a cropduster's belly.



He was chubby and plump, in his suit of bright red,

And he asked me to "fill it, with hundred low-lead."

He came dashing in from the snow-covered pump,

I knew he was anxious for drainin' the sump.



I spoke not a word, but went straight to my work,

And I filled up the sleigh, but I spilled like a jerk.

He came out of the restroom, and sighed in relief,

Then he picked up a phone for a Flight Service brief.



And I thought as he silently scribed in his log,

These reindeer could land in an eighth-mile fog.

He completed his pre-flight, from the front to the rear,

Then he put on his headset, and I heard him yell, "Clear!"



And laying a finger on his push-to-talk,

He called up the tower for clearance and squawk.

"Take taxiway Charlie, the southbound direction,

Turn right three-two-zero at pilot's discretion"



He sped down the runway, the best of the best,

"Your traffic's a Grumman, inbound from the west."

Then I heard him proclaim, as he climbed thru the night,

"Merry Christmas to all! I have traffic in sight."

[C J Campbell[_1_]]

On 2007-12-24 09:42:18 -0800, "Darkwing" <theducksmail"AT"yahoo.com> said:

> I am disappointed. I figured someone would have posted it by now and set of
> a fire storm of posts about how stupid it is and never to post it again!
> Bwahahaha!

That reminds me: I have to post the one I wrote a few years ago. It is
a bit dated now, but it was accepted for publication on rec.humor.funny:

Press Release S. Claus Enterprises North Pole
For Immediate Publication
Santa Claus will not be making his usual stops in the District of
Columbia and parts of adjoining areas this year due to the numerous
flight restrictions in the area. Claus emphasizes that the decision
should not imply a judgment as to whether the boys and girls living in
the restricted areas have been bad or good. The FAA's refusal to allow
SC Enterprises delivery of gifts in the affected areas, however, speaks
for itself. The FAA has allowed SC Enterprises to conduct operations in
the vicinity of New York and Boston, but the reindeer powered sleigh
must be accompanied by two fighter jets while overflying the two cities.
SC Enterprises continues to negotiate with the FAA in the hopes of at
least obtaining delivery rights in areas near nuclear power plants,
dams, reservoirs, and college campuses. The talks have been held up by
new demands for restrictions near nuclear power plants and by Mayor
Richard Daley of Chicago's demand that Santa Claus file a complete
itinerary and load manifest with the city before departing the North
Pole. Originally Mayor Daley wanted to restrict Santa from flying
within 100 miles of Chicago, but last minute negotiations have resulted
in permission for Santa to make a single stop at Meigs Field provide he
meets Mayor Daley's other requirements.
Residents near nuclear power plants have protested allowing Santa to
fly within 10 miles of the plants, stating that the safety of their
families is more important than Christmas. Others have expressed the
concern that people should not have a merry Christmas at all in view of
the tragedy at the World Trade Center. Our view is that these are
exactly the reasons we should celebrate Christmas and its message of
peace for all mankind. Security officials at the Salt Lake Olympics
have not commented publicly on whether they will allow Santa to deliver
gifts as usual there other than to note that the Christmas season will
be over before the Olympics are sheduled to begin.
SC Enterprises is also attempting to work with the National Security
Council's demand that all gifts be delivered in North America and
Hawaii before Santa visits the Middle East. This will severely curtail
our ability to follow the night westward and greatly reduce the normal
time available for gift deliveries. Fortunately, the demand for gifts
in the Middle East has been equally reduced due to the unusually high
percentage of bad boys and girls there, even though Santa has said that
he has a special gift for Osama bin Laden if he is still alive on
Christmas Eve, "something more appropriate than the usual willow
switches or lump of coal reserved for those guilty of lesser crimes."
--
Waddling Eagle
World Famous Flight Instructor

[Bertie the Bunyip[_19_]]

"Darkwing" <theducksmail"AT"yahoo.com> wrote in
:

> I am disappointed. I figured someone would have posted it by now and
> set of a fire storm of posts about how stupid it is and never to post
> it again! Bwahahaha!
>
>
>

Jay must be busy docking his slave's wages for the soap they stole.


Bertie

[DaveB]

On Mon, 24 Dec 2007 18:17:50 +0000 (UTC), Bertie the Bunyip >
wrote:

>"Darkwing" <theducksmail"AT"yahoo.com> wrote in
:
>
>> I am disappointed. I figured someone would have posted it by now and
>> set of a fire storm of posts about how stupid it is and never to post
>> it again! Bwahahaha!
>>
>>
>>
>
>Jay must be busy docking his slave's wages for the soap they stole.
>
>
>Bertie
Man, you have to much time on your hands........go fly something
Daveb

[Bertie the Bunyip[_19_]]

(DaveB) wrote in :

> On Mon, 24 Dec 2007 18:17:50 +0000 (UTC), Bertie the Bunyip >
> wrote:
>
>>"Darkwing" <theducksmail"AT"yahoo.com> wrote in
:
>>
>>> I am disappointed. I figured someone would have posted it by now and
>>> set of a fire storm of posts about how stupid it is and never to post
>>> it again! Bwahahaha!
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>
>>Jay must be busy docking his slave's wages for the soap they stole.
>>
>>
>>Bertie
> Man, you have to much time on your hands........go fly something
> Daveb
>

I do, all the time..


Bertie

[DaveB]

On Mon, 24 Dec 2007 18:37:43 +0000 (UTC), Bertie the Bunyip >
wrote:

>(DaveB) wrote in :
>
>> On Mon, 24 Dec 2007 18:17:50 +0000 (UTC), Bertie the Bunyip >
>> wrote:
>>
>>>"Darkwing" <theducksmail"AT"yahoo.com> wrote in
:
>>>
>>>> I am disappointed. I figured someone would have posted it by now and
>>>> set of a fire storm of posts about how stupid it is and never to post
>>>> it again! Bwahahaha!
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>
>>>Jay must be busy docking his slave's wages for the soap they stole.
>>>
>>>
>>>Bertie
>> Man, you have to much time on your hands........go fly something
>> Daveb
>>
>
>I do, all the time..
>
>
>Bertie

lol......good......happy holidays
Daveb

[Capt. Geoffrey Thorpe]

"Darkwing" <theducksmail"AT"yahoo.com> wrote in message
...
>I am disappointed. I figured someone would have posted it by now and set of
>a fire storm of posts about how stupid it is and never to post it again!
>Bwahahaha!

Not to mention "Santa's check ride" - I havn't seen that one in, like, a
year. ;-)

--
Geoff
The Sea Hawk at Wow Way d0t Com
remove spaces and make the obvious substitutions to reply by mail
When immigration is outlawed, only outlaws will immigrate.

[Darkwing]

"Matt W. Barrow" > wrote in message
...
>
> "Darkwing" <theducksmail"AT"yahoo.com> wrote in message
> ...
>>I am disappointed. I figured someone would have posted it by now and set
>>of a fire storm of posts about how stupid it is and never to post it
>>again! Bwahahaha!
> Okay...happy now? -- a lump of coal for you, you muckraker!
>
> Twas the night before Christmas
>
>
>
> 'Twas the night before Christmas, and out on the ramp,
>
> Not an airplane was stirring, not even a Champ.
>
<SNIP>

YES!!! Bwahahaha! It begins!

[Jay Honeck]

> YES!!! Bwahahaha! It begins!


You are EVIL...

;-)
--
Jay Honeck
Iowa City, IA
Pathfinder N56993
www.AlexisParkInn.com
"Your Aviation Destination"