OK... So I flew home from Tom Ridge airport in Erie, PA today.

I couldn't fly myself there because of weather (freezing rain, snow, ice
and such), so I took the bus (Airbus, that is)...

Anyway, flying out from LGA everything was smooth as silk. I fly
commercially enough to know the routine and generally avoid beeping and
getting wanded because I forgot to take off my watch, etc.

Now I fly commercially on average once or twice a month (especially in
the winter). I carry two spare car keys in my wallet, which never goes on
the belt, and never go off. I have had this shirt-pocket-pen-style
computer screwdriver that I have had in my laptop bag for about 2 years.
I never take off my sneakers because there is no significant metal in
them, actually I didn't think there was any at all.

Until today...


On my flight home today, tho, I experienced the Tom Ridge treatment...
First of all, I beeped. I didn't actually hear the beep. Apparently it
would be a security breach to hear the beep go off.

So as the guy directs me to the wanding booth, my laptop bag is being
attacked and held up by two TSA agents. Of course, at the same time, the
third security agent is taking my laptop, my coat, and my other bag, and
shuffling them down to the end of the line for anyone to help themselves
to.

Immediately, I request the Wander to ask the Shuffler to give my laptop
and my other stuff to the Holder Upper to keep securely together while I
am getting wanded. Fortunately, they were willing to comply.

So the guy wands me for like 10 minutes. First, he somehow finds metal in
my sneakers. Not in the sole, but on the top. Now these sneakers are the
velcro-type - they don't even have laces, or metal grommets for laces. So
I have no idea where the metal is.

So he takes my shoes off, throws them in a box, and passes them off to
Mr. Shuffler for XRays.

Next, he wands every inch of my body. Quite thoroughly, I might add.
Several times, he had to adjust the position of my arms and legs to
ensure he properly hit all the crevices. Every single grommet and stud in
my pants pocket was thoroughly examined, as was the belt buckle, and my
zipper! It was quite interesting, although would have been much more
enjoyable if I had gotten Ms. Wander instead!

So now we go over to Mr. Holder Upper with my stuff. Now I happened to
have some computer connector wire assemblies that are fairly non-
standard. You might be able to buy them at Radio Shack, but the average
non-geek probably wouldn't even know what it was. So I figured that's
what the problem was, and started directing him toward them. He says,
"no, that's not it." Instead, he pulls out my little, narrow, pocket-pen-
style screwdriver, and shows it to his supervisor.


Then he takes the bag and runs it through the XRay again. At this point,
Mr. Supervisor explains to me that the airport has a policy prohibiting
passengers from carrying tools on the plane. I explain to him that I am
going home, and that the screwdriver has been flying with me for several
years now, and I have had no trouble with it at other airports. I did
have trouble with a crimping tool once, and they told me at that point
that there was a size limitation.

Bear in mind, of course, I have the computer connectors in my bag (wires
and such), I have my toiletry bag which has a couple of bic disposable
razors, and my fingernails haven't been cut in a couple of days.

But somehow, this teeny, precision slotted computer screwdriver is
considered a risk. At the end of the day, I didn't think I would have
time to go back and check it and then get wanded again and still make the
flight. And mailing was not offered as an option. So I told him to keep
it, but I got dibs on anything else they find in my bag.

This is just ridiculous already. Do they think that a terrorist's photo
ID won't match their ticket? Are they afraid that I might unscrew the
seatbelt during taxi, takeoff, or landing?

Or have we become a country of bumbling, cowering, idiots?

"For the land of naive, and the home of afraid..." ?