Jay Honeck wrote:

The first call we heard from our Cirrus pilot was him asking approach
if he was "headed in the right direction for Rwy 5?"

... responded "Raaaahger, come to a heading of threeee waaaaaahn
zeeeeerrrroo, Ceeeerrrusss November XXXX..."

Then, at the next call, our hapless pilot ... announced waaaay too
slowly and deliberately that he "haadd the aiiirporrrrt in sight, and
woulld like vectors to Runway 5."

By now it seemed pretty clear that (a) the guy didn't know which
direction Rwy 5 faced, and that (b) he was impaired in some fashion.

Let's see, now ... 310 for Runway 5 with the field in sight looks
like a reasonable approximation to a right base leg.

However, I'm not actually a pilot, so I may be *way* off here. :-)