Paul Tomblin writes:

I've been a pilot for 12 years now. I've been married (this time) for 10.
Three years ago, the DE who passed me on my private and instrument tickets
died in a stupid accident. My wife had met him a few times at flying club
dinners and around the airport. A few weeks ago, a club member who she'd
also met several times died in his float plane, a plane that I'd flown in
a few weeks before that. He died with his best friend, a former club
member who I knew a bit but whom my wife didn't.

Now that two people she's met have died flying in a relatively short
period of time, she's getting less and less secure about my own flying.
Every time I head out to the airport, she gives me the talk. "Be careful.
Don't die. If you have the slightest doubt, come back." Etc. And so on.

She's right.

I don't think she'll tell me to stop, because she knows I was a pilot
before we married. But what can I do to reassure her?

Follow her advice, and come back alive.

The pilot community is pretty small, and losing three people associated with our
little club is pretty scary for her.

I don't blame her. That's a lot of death, and it doesn't speak very well of
general aviation.

You can tell her that general aviation is safe when done correctly, which is
true. And you can prove it by flying aircraft that are properly maintained,
and flying in a safe way.

Overall, flying a small aircraft is about as dangerous as riding on a
motorcycle with someone. However, you can reduce the danger dramatically as a
pilot by safe flying practices and by flying only aircraft that are in good
condition and well maintained.