Paul Riley wrote:
"Dudley Henriques" wrote in message
...
Paul Tomblin wrote:
I've been a pilot for 12 years now. I've been married (this time) for
10.
Three years ago, the DE who passed me on my private and instrument
tickets
died in a stupid accident. My wife had met him a few times at flying
club
dinners and around the airport. A few weeks ago, a club member who she'd
also met several times died in his float plane, a plane that I'd flown in
a few weeks before that. He died with his best friend, a former club
member who I knew a bit but whom my wife didn't.

Now that two people she's met have died flying in a relatively short
period of time, she's getting less and less secure about my own flying.
Every time I head out to the airport, she gives me the talk. "Be
careful.
Don't die. If you have the slightest doubt, come back." Etc. And so
on.

I don't think she'll tell me to stop, because she knows I was a pilot
before we married. But what can I do to reassure her? The pilot
community is pretty small, and losing three people associated with our
little club is pretty scary for her.

At one time, I thought when the kids were finished college I'd finally
have enough money to buy a share in a float plane and we could have some
adventures together. Now I'm not even sure she'd come flying in a club
plane.

During the fifty odd years I've been involved in professional aviation;
most of that teaching in and flying high performance airplanes I've buried
32 of my friends and associates. My wife was with me through forty of
those years and knew many of these people personally.
I've dealt with this issue both in my own home and as an adviser to
others.
I can tell you this in all sincerity and honesty.
I realize you might not be involved in high risk aviation so what I am
about to say to you might even be easier for you in your personal
situation as a pleasure pilot.
I believe I have looked at this issue from enough directions and have
enough experience with it that you might want to give serious
consideration to my advice.
When it comes to handling something like this with a loved one, you can of
course attempt to convince your wife you will be safe based on the
favorable statistics you can go dig up that say general aviation is a safe
pastime.
But my advice is to use this approach but with a caveat.
Forget using the statistics alone without additional input from you as
that road to convince a loved one is filled with pot holes.


In order to reach your wife, don't down play the dangers involved with
flying, as she is already convinced of a potential danger and has seen
what can happen when things go wrong.

The best way to handle these issues is to start immediately to convince
her that rather than denying any danger exists, you are completely aware
of the potential for danger in flying and are capable of avoiding that
danger by the way you approach the issue of flying.

In other words, what you want to accomplish here is to convince your wife
that YOU PERSONALLY are an aware pilot with a professional attitude that
is highly tuned in to the avoidance of areas of danger when you fly.
What you want to do is steer your wife into thinking of you as a pilot
separated from other pilots. You need to have her consider you
INDIVIDUALLY as competent and professional instead of viewing you as just
another pilot among many. It's the thinking about a large group where some
get hurt or killed that frightens loved ones. Once she looks at you
individually, she will realize that you PERSONALLY are aware of danger and
competent enough to stay away from it.
She will feel better knowing that.

All this having been said, there is nothing cast in stone that will solve
these kinds of issues. Accidents happen and pilots get killed once in a
while. What it boils down to is that YOU are the only one who can address
this issue with a loved one. It takes tact and it takes understanding, but
most of all it means recognizing her fears as legitimate instead of down
playing them with safety statistics.
Bring her into your world as a pilot more than you have and let her know
that above all else, you are aware....and you are a SAFE pilot.
Hope this advice has been of some help.
DH


--
Dudley Henriques

Hello to all,

If you don't mind, Dudley, I would like to add my 2 cents worth to what you
said, and with which I totally agree.

I am a retired US Army Master Aviator. I have a wife, and two children. We
have been married for 51 years. I started flying in 1959, Fixed Wing, and
Rotary Wing. Spent two years of my Army career in Vietnam, flying gunships
and slicks.

My wife and I talked about my going to flight school at great length. She
understood the risks, and how much I wanted this, and stood by my decision
to go.

While she worried while I was deployed, she kept the home fires burning. She
supported me , and understood while there was danger, there was also danger
in driving a car on the highway and getting hit by some drunk driver. She
also put up with two tours (unaccompanied) in Korea during this time. What
can I say--she was an Army wife, God Bless them all.

I retired from the Army in 1978. I have not flown since. Not because she
wanted me to stop, my decision. Financial, with 2 kids in college, and then,
after final retirement, our desire to travel, flying was not economically
something I wanted to do that might prevent OUR enjoying retirement
activities

She is now an invalid, and I am her caregiver, a task I take on willingly
out of love. I can never repay her for the support she has given me all
these years, but I try.

My point with all this. As Dudley says, if you get your wife on board, all
will be well, If not, then I know many of my fellow Army aviators that have
gone through some bad times related to their flying and career choices.

Best wishes to you.

Paul


I wish you and your wife all the best Paul.

--
Dudley Henriques