25 Reasons You Might Be a Liberal

* You're sure the Constitution explicitly guarantees the
right to abortion and gay marriage, but not the right to own
a handgun.

* You think Dan Quayle is the dumbest Vice-President we ever
had because he believed a flash card that misspelled
"potato," but think Obama is a genius despite the fact he
believes we have more than 57 states.

* You'd be more upset about your favorite candidate being
endorsed by the NRA than the Communist Party.

* You think the same criminals who use guns in the
commission of a crime will just hand them over to comply
with the law if guns are made illegal.

* You know that 86% of all income taxes are paid by the top
25% of income earners and you still feel that the rich
"aren't paying their fair share of the taxes."

* You put a higher priority on oil pipelines possibly
inconveniencing a few caribou than you do on lowering the
price of gas for everyone in the country by drilling ANWR.

* You're worried that Osama Bin Laden might not get a fair
trial if we capture him, but want George Bush thrown in
prison for being too zealous in protecting us from Al-Qaeda.

* You get infuriated when you hear about the CEO of a
Fortune 500 company making tens of millions of dollars, but
don't see a problem with an actor, basketball player, or
trial lawyer making the same amount.

* You're constantly seeing subtle, coded racism in campaign
ads, but see nothing racist about blacks being promoted over
more qualified white applicants because of Affirmative
Action and Kissing the Black Ass.

* You think it's obscene that oil companies are allowed to
make 8.3 cents per gallon in profit with gas prices this
high, but would never suggest cutting the 13 cents per
gallon they pay on taxes to reduce the price of gas.

* You think George Bush is a chickenhawk because he wanted
to fight in Iraq and Afghanistan despite the fact that he
only served in the National Guard, but you don't think the
same about Barack Obama, who has never served in the
military and probably couldn't find either country on a map
without help.

* You think protesting outside of abortion clinics is
extremism and should be illegal, but carrying around giant
puppet heads while wearing a t-shirt that compares Bush to
Hitler is just exercising your First Amendment rights.

* You think the case for global warming is proven without a
shadow of a doubt, but that we need another century or two
worth of evidence to figure out if capitalism and free
markets work better than socialism.

* You believe the best way to fix the government screwing
something up in the market is with...drumroll, please...more
government intervention.

* You think the first thing we should have done when Russia
invaded Georgia was to take the matter to the United
Nations, where Russia sits on the UN Security Council.

* You spend your days criticizing the use of private jets,
SUVS, and luxurious houses that consume enormous amounts of
resources and then ride in an SUV to the airport, get on
your private plane, and fly home to your luxurious house.

* You have more nice things to say about countries like Cuba
and France than you do about your own country.

* You think the war in Iraq is unwinnable, but victory in
the war on poverty is going to happen any day now if we can
just get the Democrats back in charge.

* You won't even support English as our national language,
but can't seem to understand why people worry about tens of
millions of illegal aliens changing our culture.

* You think censorship is absolutely wrong; except when it's
applied to conservatives on college campuses or on talk
radio via the fairness doctrine.

* You get more upset about an American soldier accidentally
killing a civilian than you do about a terrorist
deliberately blowing up a school bus full of kids.

* You think Fox News is hopelessly biased to the right, but
MSNBC, CNN, NBC, ABC, and CBS call it right down the middle.

* You think the real hero of the Cold War was Mikhail Gorbachev.

* You couldn't care less about what Americans in states like
Kansas or Virginia think of you, but you would be greatly
upset if a Frenchman gave you a dirty look because you're an
American.

* You think kids in public schools should have to watch
Earth in the Balance and read Heather Has Two Mommies, but
no piece of literature with the word "Jesus" on it should be
allowed within a hundred yards of a school.