Behold fellow aviators, for I have finally lighted that damned welding
torch that I got for Christmas...last year. Yep, bought a "b" tank and
an empty 40cu/ft oxy. tank off Ebay from Indiana Oxygen Co. Shipped
out next day and items were exactly as described. And free shipping!
Swapped it out at AirGas here in Boulder and paid way too much for the
refills, but... Also got my requisite RG45 rod and shade 5 goggles.
So far so good.

Went home, followed directions, purged, set up, connected, checked,
tested, etc. Turned on gas and sparked. Nuttin. Lady-friend is
standing there with camera in hand freezing, giving me the "Princess
Leia is ****ed at Han Solo" look. Sparked again. Nuttin. Not good,
especially since its Valentine's day and she's waiting to be taken to
dinner. So the torch waits while we have dinner at Olive Garden and
take in a movie (Coraline in case you were wondering, yes it was worth
$19.50).

OK, so I was lighting a torch. Sunday comes and I start checking. Gas
at the tank valves, check. Pressure on both reg. guages for each reg.,
check. Gas at the end of the hoses, check. Gas through the torch body,
check. Gas at the tip??? nope. So I take a close look and remember
VeeDubber's mantra about everything made by H-F. Take it apart. Clean
it out. Adjust it. Put it back together the way it was supposed to
have been. Seems some (insert slur of your choice here) varnished over
the end of the tip and clogged the lil' hole. OH, so THAT'S what that
nail-file and set of feeler-guages in the case are for. They ain't
feeler guages at all. They're tip cleaners. So I file the end of the
tip square, just enuf to get the varnish off. Then a dip in acetone,
followed by poking a hole in the "hole" and repeating with
progressively larger cleaners until all of the varnish has been
removed.

Reattached the tip to the torch body, cracked the valves and
Hiiisssssssss. Sounds good. With torch in one hand and striker in
other, I open the acet. valve, squeeze the sparker and POOF!

Yes my friends, I've made fire! Quickly opened the O2 valve and
adjusted the flame. WOOHOO! Looks just like the book! Called
LadyFriend to come with camera. Shut off torch. She comes out with the
"now???" look. Then its "Hey honey, watch this... hiss, poof, roar,
squeeeee, AAAHHHHHH! (angels singing in background). She takes a few
photos for posterity.

Now, for the really fun part. 50/50 mix of water and muriatic acid.
Add nasty old chunks of galv. fence railing. Bubble, bubble, hiss,
hiss! My future welding coupons go through the whole mad scientist
routine. And I dunno what those fumes were coming off the metal, but
gawd man, don't breathe them! 3 minutes later, one end of each of
piece is etched and zinc-free! Cool!

I'm sure its been done millions of times before, but to me it felt
like a rite of passage. I've wanted a welding torch since I was about
6. Now I've got one. Lookout!

Harry Frey

PS: Thanks VeeDub, Mike H., FighFlyer, and everyone else over the past
8 years.