Bruce R wrote:

Round Engines...

DEDICATED TO ALL THOSE WHO WORKED ON OR FLEW BEHIND ROUND ENGINES, or
like the sound of a REAL engine!

We gotta get rid of those turbines, they're ruining aviation and our
hearing.

A turbine is too simple minded, it has no mystery. The air travels
through it in a straight line and doesn't pick up any of the pungent
fragrance of engine oil or pilot sweat.

Anybody can start a turbine. You just need to move a switch from
"OFF" to "START" and then remember to move it back to "ON" after a
while. My PC is
harder to start.

Cranking a round engine requires skill, finesse and style. You have
to seduce it into starting. It's like waking up a horny mistress.
On some planes, the pilots aren't even allowed to do it.

Turbines start by whining for a while, then give a ladylike poof and
start whining a little louder.

Round engines give a satisfying rattle-rattle, click-click, BANG,
more rattles, another BANG, a big macho FART or two, more clicks, a
lot more smoke
and finally a serious low pitched roar. We like that. Remember Jimmy
Stewart nursing that engine to life in "Flight of the Phoenix "? It's
a GUY thing.

When you start a round engine, your mind is engaged and you can
concentrate on the flight ahead. Starting a turbine is like flicking
on a ceiling fan.
Useful, but hardly exciting.

When you have started his round engine successfully your Crew Chief
looks up at you like he'd let you kiss his girl, too!

Turbines don't break or catch fire often enough, which leads to
aircrew boredom, complacency and inattention. A round engine at
speed looks and
sounds like it's going to blow any minute. This helps concentrate the
mind!

Turbines don't have enough control levers or gauges to keep a pilot's
attention. There's nothing to fiddle with during long flights.

Turbines smell like a Boy Scout camp full of Coleman Lamps.

Round engines smell like God intended machines to smell.


Turbine engines ARE round engines.