All very witty and amusing, but I've seen them all before over several
decades, attributed to other sources. UPS mechanics didn't invent them

At 00:54 28 November 2014, Dan Marotta wrote:
Since when did UPS install targeting radar? Do they intercept and shoot
down FedEx planes?

BTW, this used to be attributed to USAF squawk sheets...

On 11/27/2014 11:55 AM, wrote:

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high
school diploma to fix one:
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a gripe sheet,
which tells mechanics about
problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the
form,
and then pilots
review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here
are
some actual maintenance
complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the
solutions
recorded (marked with
an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had
an
accident....

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.




Be realistic. Expect a Miracle.

--
---
Dan Marotta