Stupid tag program.

w. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or
bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part....

x. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short....

y. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays
is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far
from the object we are trying to hit....

z. MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of
cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly
well on boxes containing seats and motorcycle jackets...



On Tue, 01 Jul 2008 22:37:34 GMT, Bob Harrington
wrote:


Aack! Where's the rest of w, x, y and z ?!? ={


Peter Hucker wrote in
:

The A-Z of tools:

a. DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching
flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the
chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against
that freshly painted part you were drying....

b. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them
somewhere across the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes
fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time
it takes you to say "Ouch".

c. ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel pop rivets in
their holes until you die of old age....

d. PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads....

e. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more
dismal your future becomes....

f. VICE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is
available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to
the palm of your hand....

g. OXY-ACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various
flammable objects in your garage on fire. Also handy for igniting the
grease inside a brake drum you're trying to get the bearing race out
of....

h. WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and
motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or
1/2 inch socket you've been searching for for the last 15 minutes....

i. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a car to the ground after
you have installed your new front disk brake setup, trapping the jack
handle firmly under the front fender....

j. EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a car upward off
a hydraulic jack....

k. TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters....

l. PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbour to see if he has another
hydraulic floor jack....

m. SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for
spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-do off your boot....

n. E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt
holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit....

o. TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease
buildup....

p. TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the
tensile strength of ground straps and brake lines you may have
forgotten to disconnect....

q. CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying
tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on
the end without the handle....

r. BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulphuric
acid from a car battery to the inside of your toolbox after
determining that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you
thought....

s. AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw....

t. TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called
drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin,"
which is not otherwise found under motorcycles at night. Health
benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at
about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during,
say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark
than light, its name is somewhat misleading....

u. PHILIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style
paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used,
as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads...

v. AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a
coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into
compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact
wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 40 years ago by someone
in Sindelfingen, and rounds them off.

w. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or
bracket you needed t

--
http://www.petersparrots.com http://www.insanevideoclips.com http://www.petersphotos.com

There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.
One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"
Everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word.
Someone who had committed adultery would say instead that they had "fallen."
This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well until the priest passed away at a ripe old age.
A few days after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.
"Mayor, you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep telling me they've fallen."
The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word.
But, before he could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at him and shouted,
"I don't know what you're laughing about, because your wife has already fallen three times this week!"