"ArtKramr" wrote in message
...

"....... I'm going to die
today......".

"I'm going to die today," he said. We had just left the briefing tent and
Lt.
Jones (not his real name) walked along with me. His comment came as a
shock.
"No you're not," I said. He shook his head in despair and choked out " I
have a
wife and a kid and I'm know I'm going to die today and the war is almost
over.
I'm not going to fly". I grabbed him by the arm hard. " Look, if you
refuse to
fly you'll go to Leavenworth for 20 years. Then what will you wife and kid
do?
Besides, today will probably be a milk run and you'll come back fine". I
didn't
quite believe it, but I said it anyway. Now one of the 6x6's that takes
crews
to the flight line pulled up. I pushed Jones toward it and boosted him in.
He
flew the mission. The mission wasn't quite a milk run but we had no losses
and
all came back fine. Jones never spoke to me again. Any time we met he
would
avoid eye contact. If I were in the officers club he would either leave or
sit
as far away as possible with his back to me. I guess he was just too
embarrassed about what he revealed. That incident only took two or three
minutes at the most. And I haven't thought about it since that day, until
a
recent incident brought it to mind. I was always glad that I could help
him
through a bad time. I wonder how Jones feels about that moment when he
thinks
about it today?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Arthur Kramer
Visit my WW II B-26 website at:
http://www.coastcomp.com/artkramer

Everyone has a "limit.....a "maximum effort" as they say. No one has ever
really clearly defined it as far as I know. The guys I know have told me
they just somehow kept going. Some would even throw up as they walked out of
the ready room or as they climbed into their planes. I've heard it all
through the years I guess.
One thing I think I've come to know during my many talks with close personal
friends who have come out of combat, is that I'm very careful in considering
the coward factor...and so, I might add, are many of these combat veterans.
Many broke down themselves at times, when things just piled on to the point
where they thought they were coming apart. Most got it together, both alone,
but also with the help of a friend or two.
I wouldn't be too quick to condemn this "Lt. Jones". I think I'd first have
to consider how many missions he had already flown. Then I think I'd give
serious consideration to the fact that after he talked to you and spilled
his guts, he got on the aircraft and flew the mission.
Who knows what a man's limit is? I don't. I do know that fear can be a
powerful thing, especially when it's cumulative and constant.
So where does this leave you with Lt. Jones? Well, unless you know something
additional about him that directly relates to cowardice, I'd cut him a
little slack. Now what does this mean?To me it means that every man in your
squadron was an individual, each facing his own demons in his own way. Men
in such a predicament seldom share their "demons" with their fellows. I'm
sure you remember this more so than I. There must have been times you were
scared right on up to your personal limit, but somehow you sucked it in and
kept going. I believe there's something within a person in combat that keeps
him going beyond fear for self, because the fear of failing, and the fear of
failing the others, especially on a bomber crew, is actually greater than
the personal fear.
I think this guy just reached his limit before you did, and you were there
to help him through it. If I were you, I'd just try and understand what
happened and accept it without any deep deductive reasoning. It's
unfortunately the price sometimes, of helping someone through a crisis like
the one you have described, where someone has allowed you to look deep
within their most personal fear, that afterward, they find further contact
difficult.
I would be interested to know how Lt. Jones made it through the rest of his
tour?
Dudley Henriques
International Fighter Pilots Fellowship
Commercial Pilot/CFI
Retired