Unidentified Ford Fiesta Penetrates Washington

Unidentified Ford Fiesta Penetrates Washington City Center, Causes
Government Shutdown



May 13, 2005, Washington DC (AP) Terror and panic again visited Washington
Today. This morning at 8:47 AM. traffic control personnel were suddenly
aware that a 2003 Ford Fiesta, driven by an as yet unidentified driver, was
entering the Washington DC City Center, and no one knew why it was there.
Swat teams were immediately notified, and an effort was made to intercept
the errant vehicle. Two DC Ford Police Interceptors were dispatched in an
effort to identify and apprehend the driver.



In the meantime, Capital Security notified the Senate and the House of
Representatives that the building was to be evacuated immediately because
there was the potential that the Fiesta might be carrying a small nuclear
weapon. Near panic ensued as Senators, Congressmen and various aids and
lobbyists ran outside away from the buildings, or into underground bomb
shelters. It was reported that there were several injuries as people were
trampled in the melee.



At the White House, President Bush and the White House staff evacuated to
the secure bunker below the West Wing, and the Vice President was whisked to
an undisclosed location under his desk. For the next twenty minutes, all
government work stopped while everyone in Washington attempted to cover
their behinds.



The Fiesta was finally re-acquired on Connecticut Avenue by Police and
Federal Security Agents, less than a mile from the White House. It is
understood that with the vehicle so close to so many important people, a
decision to fire on it with anti-tank missiles was only seconds way when the
car suddenly stopped at a Dunkin Donuts. The driver was immediately tackled
by approximately 20 uniformed and plain-clothes personnel, handcuffed,
bundled into an unmarked GMC Envoy, and driven away. Eyewitnesses described
the driver as a middle-aged woman with gray hair. The car was towed away by
DC Police, presumably to be thoroughly searched for explosives or biological
agents.



Thomas Nimrod, spokesman for the Federal Office Of Lamentable Security
(FOOLS), issued the following statement this afternoon:



"A suspected terrorist was apprehended today after gaining access to an
uncomfortable proximity to the White House. Investigations are continuing,
but it is beginning to appear that the suspect may have been a commuter who
was looking for a cup of coffee on the way to work. We will keep the media
informed of further developments. In the meantime, let me reassure you that
the system worked. Even if this particular incident proves to be a false
alarm, it clearly demonstrates the risk that uncontrolled vehicles
represent. We will continue with our diligent efforts to protect the very
important people in our Capital."






--
Bob (Chief Pilot, White Knuckle Airways)

"Bob Chilcoat" wrote:

Unidentified Ford Fiesta Penetrates Washington City Center, Causes
Government Shutdown [...]

Funny. Unfortunately, we must at least admit that there is some risk
to ground-dwellers from even small aircraft carrying particularly
nasty cargo. We can't simply point at alternate means of delivery for
said cargo, and say "see? why worry about us?" - that just doesn't
address the risk that does come from our aircraft. It merely helps
put it into context. That's valuable, but isn't exactly an alibi.


- FChE

In a previous article, "Bob Chilcoat" said:
Unidentified Ford Fiesta Penetrates Washington City Center, Causes
Government Shutdown

Good one, Bob.


--
Paul Tomblin http://xcski.com/blogs/pt/
Like most computer techie people, I'll happily spend 6 hours trying
to figure out how to do a 3 hour job in 10 minutes.
--Rev. James Cort, ASR

Frank Ch. Eigler wrote:
"Bob Chilcoat" wrote:

Unidentified Ford Fiesta Penetrates Washington City Center, Causes
Government Shutdown [...]

Funny. Unfortunately, we must at least admit that there is some risk
to ground-dwellers from even small aircraft carrying particularly
nasty cargo. We can't simply point at alternate means of delivery
for
said cargo, and say "see? why worry about us?" - that just doesn't
address the risk that does come from our aircraft. It merely helps
put it into context. That's valuable, but isn't exactly an alibi.


I think that he adequatly pointed out the complete and utter stupidity
that now passes for security in the US.
If a C152 (85 kts) can get that close WTF are they going to do if the
a/c is capable of 500 kts?
And let's -really- get paranoid
Are they going to stop and search every truck and van that passes
within the 'danger area'.
After all a 'nuke' will take out a radius from the point of
detonation..,

"Bob Chilcoat" wrote in message ...
Unidentified Ford Fiesta Penetrates Washington City Center, Causes
Government Shutdown



There is a Dunkin Donuts within a mile of the Whitehouse?

Blueskies wrote:

There is a Dunkin Donuts within a mile of the Whitehouse?

Picky, picky.

According to Yahoo!, the closest one is 3.7 miles away. Must be awful hard on
the police that patrol downtown. :-)

George Patterson
"Naked" means you ain't got no clothes on; "nekkid" means you ain't got
no clothes on - and are up to somethin'.

Blueskies wrote:

"Bob Chilcoat" wrote in message ...

Unidentified Ford Fiesta Penetrates Washington City Center, Causes
Government Shutdown

There is a Dunkin Donuts within a mile of the Whitehouse?

Closest one I see is almost 3 miles away, but there's an 'Au Bon Pain'
within about an eighth of a mile. Wonder how they were doing at the
height of the "Freedom Fries" episode.

Funny. Unfortunately, we must at least admit that there is some risk
to ground-dwellers from even small aircraft carrying particularly
nasty cargo. We can't simply point at alternate means of delivery for

said cargo, and say "see? why worry about us?" - that just doesn't
address the risk that does come from our aircraft. It merely helps
put it into context. That's valuable, but isn't exactly an alibi.

True, there's risk from anything. It's worth repeating, however, that
the major attacks so far have come via trucks and airliners. Yet those
two means of transportation are allowed in Washington.

What I found most ridiculous was an interview a few days ago with an
official who said that it was important to evacuate the buildings
because that C150 might be carrying nuclear or biological weapons.
Excuse me? It seems like in that case you'd want people to STAY INSIDE
where it's safer. I believe the government reacted to the Cessna with
plans best used if an airliner was approaching. Naturally, as in all
history, officials use the last attack as the template for planning for
the next. Stupid, inflexible, and no doubt ultimately deadly to many.

Best, Kev

Peter wrote:
Closest one I see is almost 3 miles away, but there's an 'Au Bon Pain'
within about an eighth of a mile. Wonder how they were doing at the
height of the "Freedom Fries" episode.

Haha, I imagine they did just fine. "Freedom Fries" might have been a
big deal to the Capitol lunchroom and a few souls who took it a little
too seriously around the country, but for the armies of professional
bureaucrats who work in that part of Washington, I'm sure Au Bon Pain is
just another place to buy donuts and coffee. No point in modifying your
daily routine just to make a complete imaginary protest against France.

Charles.
-N8385U

Peter wrote:

Blueskies wrote:

"Bob Chilcoat" wrote in message
...

Unidentified Ford Fiesta Penetrates Washington City Center, Causes
Government Shutdown


There is a Dunkin Donuts within a mile of the Whitehouse?


Closest one I see is almost 3 miles away, but there's an 'Au Bon Pain'
within about an eighth of a mile. Wonder how they were doing at the
height of the "Freedom Fries" episode.


I'll never eat at a place with "pain" in the name! :-)


Matt