$#@! TSA requirements

We just got back from a Caribbean cruise, so now I can say that I have taken
that dam ship to Hell (the Maasdam, to be specific). I was most disappointed
that Martin Hotze was not in Hell. I was told he was away on assignment.

Against all my previous resolutions, we flew commercial down to Fort
Lauderdale. I got to have my cowboy hat x-rayed, belt and shoes removed,
patted about the groin, etc. The pat-down was the most fun I have had in ten
years.

Coming home was even worse. I got to stand in line for 20 minutes at the
baggage check-in for e-ticket holders who already had printed out their
boarding passes via the internet. Seems an old lady was trying to buy
tickets there, arguing about the weight allowance on her luggage, and could
not really decide where she wanted to go or when. The wait at the security
checkpoint was even longer. When I finally got to the checker two guys
jumped out of line in front of me, which nearly started an altercation. The
old lady's long-suffering husband was selected for extended search. You
never know what those 80 year old guys might be up to. I would think that if
decades of being married to that idiot has not turned him into a terrorist
by now, nothing will.

But the most fun was getting on and off the Maasdam at each port of call.
Here they always had us pass through a metal detector -- even though our
luggage was loaded separately and was waiting for us in out staterooms. Many
of the passengers were carrying snorkeling and SCUBA gear, including diving
knives, etc. I have not got the faintest idea what these security people
were looking for, but the wire in the brim of my hat always attracted a lot
of attention. They allowed my pocket knife and Leatherman tool to pass
without comment. I guess the next time I plan to garrote somebody I will
just have to sneak my wire saw on board with the luggage.

--
Christopher J. Campbell
World Famous Flight Instructor
Port Orchard, WA


If you go around beating the Bush, don't complain if you rile the animals.

If it makes you feel any better TSA is laying off about 5000 people on Jan.
1. It is a start.

Mike
MU-2


"C J Campbell" wrote in message
...
We just got back from a Caribbean cruise, so now I can say that I have
taken
that dam ship to Hell (the Maasdam, to be specific). I was most
disappointed
that Martin Hotze was not in Hell. I was told he was away on assignment.

Against all my previous resolutions, we flew commercial down to Fort
Lauderdale. I got to have my cowboy hat x-rayed, belt and shoes removed,
patted about the groin, etc. The pat-down was the most fun I have had in
ten
years.

Coming home was even worse. I got to stand in line for 20 minutes at the
baggage check-in for e-ticket holders who already had printed out their
boarding passes via the internet. Seems an old lady was trying to buy
tickets there, arguing about the weight allowance on her luggage, and
could
not really decide where she wanted to go or when. The wait at the security
checkpoint was even longer. When I finally got to the checker two guys
jumped out of line in front of me, which nearly started an altercation.
The
old lady's long-suffering husband was selected for extended search. You
never know what those 80 year old guys might be up to. I would think that
if
decades of being married to that idiot has not turned him into a terrorist
by now, nothing will.

But the most fun was getting on and off the Maasdam at each port of call.
Here they always had us pass through a metal detector -- even though our
luggage was loaded separately and was waiting for us in out staterooms.
Many
of the passengers were carrying snorkeling and SCUBA gear, including
diving
knives, etc. I have not got the faintest idea what these security people
were looking for, but the wire in the brim of my hat always attracted a
lot
of attention. They allowed my pocket knife and Leatherman tool to pass
without comment. I guess the next time I plan to garrote somebody I will
just have to sneak my wire saw on board with the luggage.

--
Christopher J. Campbell
World Famous Flight Instructor
Port Orchard, WA


If you go around beating the Bush, don't complain if you rile the animals.

You must look suspicious. I fly out of Miami frequently and never
have any problems. In fact I came back north from Miami last
week and it took me about 2 minutes to check in and about 2 or 3
to go thru security complete with a "thank you .. have a nice trip".
Haven't flown out of FTL yet. Been doing MIA very frequently for 7+
yrs now though.

It has been my experience that the level of courtesy and professionalism
has risen considerably since the days of the underpaid McDonalds rejects
on their own power trips that they had before. I'm sure there's a few out
there that leave a little to be desired .. but over all pretty good.

I've also found that knowing the drill .. belt and shoes off .. laptop out
of
case .. cell phone in carry on .. metal stuff out of your pockets .. jacket
off ..keeps the line moving and keeps them smiling.

From my perspective, if I asked myself what I would change in the
way they do things if I were in charge .. I'd have to say that I have
no ideas on what to change. I think they're doing the best they can.








"C J Campbell" wrote in message
...
We just got back from a Caribbean cruise, so now I can say that I have
taken
that dam ship to Hell (the Maasdam, to be specific). I was most
disappointed
that Martin Hotze was not in Hell. I was told he was away on assignment.

Against all my previous resolutions, we flew commercial down to Fort
Lauderdale. I got to have my cowboy hat x-rayed, belt and shoes removed,
patted about the groin, etc. The pat-down was the most fun I have had in
ten
years.

Coming home was even worse. I got to stand in line for 20 minutes at the
baggage check-in for e-ticket holders who already had printed out their
boarding passes via the internet. Seems an old lady was trying to buy
tickets there, arguing about the weight allowance on her luggage, and
could
not really decide where she wanted to go or when. The wait at the security
checkpoint was even longer. When I finally got to the checker two guys
jumped out of line in front of me, which nearly started an altercation.
The
old lady's long-suffering husband was selected for extended search. You
never know what those 80 year old guys might be up to. I would think that
if
decades of being married to that idiot has not turned him into a terrorist
by now, nothing will.

But the most fun was getting on and off the Maasdam at each port of call.
Here they always had us pass through a metal detector -- even though our
luggage was loaded separately and was waiting for us in out staterooms.
Many
of the passengers were carrying snorkeling and SCUBA gear, including
diving
knives, etc. I have not got the faintest idea what these security people
were looking for, but the wire in the brim of my hat always attracted a
lot
of attention. They allowed my pocket knife and Leatherman tool to pass
without comment. I guess the next time I plan to garrote somebody I will
just have to sneak my wire saw on board with the luggage.

--
Christopher J. Campbell
World Famous Flight Instructor
Port Orchard, WA


If you go around beating the Bush, don't complain if you rile the animals.

I was most disappointed
that Martin Hotze was not in Hell. I was told he was away on assignment.

I should think you'd be relieved.

Martin probably was, too! :-)

The pat-down was the most fun I have had in ten
years.

I'm so terribly sorry. Please accept my heart-felt condolences, CJ.

;-)
--
Jay Honeck
Iowa City, IA
Pathfinder N56993
www.AlexisParkInn.com
"Your Aviation Destination"

keeps the line moving and keeps them smiling.

I've never seen any TSA person smiling at DIA.
I think it's part of the job description.

Mike Rapoport wrote:

If it makes you feel any better TSA is laying off about 5000 people on Jan.
1. It is a start.


Yet, strangely enough, the TSA had their staffing cap removed as part of
the recently-passed FAA reauthorization bill.

I've never been to "DIA" .. wherever that might be.


"Blanche" wrote in message
...
keeps the line moving and keeps them smiling.

I've never seen any TSA person smiling at DIA.
I think it's part of the job description.

I've never been to "DIA" .. wherever that might be.


DIA = Denver International Airport

"Mike Rapoport" wrote in message
ink.net...
If it makes you feel any better TSA is laying off about 5000 people on
Jan.
1. It is a start.

Mike
MU-2


That's great news! Haven't been able to get a decent burger since the TSA
employed all the really good flippers as Security officers.
--
------------------------------------------------------------------
Scott F. Migaldi, K9PO
MI-150972
PP-ASEL-IA

Are you a PADI Instructor or DM? Then join the PADI
Instructor Yahoo Group at
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PADI-Instructors/join
-----------------------------------
Catch the wave!
www.hamwave.com


**"A long time ago being crazy meant something, nowadays everyone is
crazy" -- Charles Manson**
-------------------------------------

FTL is doing something very strange and different. Their lines are always
very long and slow and the TSA requirements are a bit bizarre. It makes
Miami look a better choice now, or even WPB

--
------------------------------------------------------------------
Scott F. Migaldi, K9PO
MI-150972
PP-ASEL-IA

Are you a PADI Instructor or DM? Then join the PADI
Instructor Yahoo Group at
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PADI-Instructors/join
-----------------------------------
Catch the wave!
www.hamwave.com


**"A long time ago being crazy meant something, nowadays everyone is
crazy" -- Charles Manson**
-------------------------------------
"Roger Tracy" wrote in message
...
You must look suspicious. I fly out of Miami frequently and never
have any problems. In fact I came back north from Miami last
week and it took me about 2 minutes to check in and about 2 or 3
to go thru security complete with a "thank you .. have a nice trip".
Haven't flown out of FTL yet. Been doing MIA very frequently for 7+
yrs now though.

It has been my experience that the level of courtesy and professionalism
has risen considerably since the days of the underpaid McDonalds rejects
on their own power trips that they had before. I'm sure there's a few out
there that leave a little to be desired .. but over all pretty good.

I've also found that knowing the drill .. belt and shoes off .. laptop out
of
case .. cell phone in carry on .. metal stuff out of your pockets ..
jacket
off ..keeps the line moving and keeps them smiling.

From my perspective, if I asked myself what I would change in the
way they do things if I were in charge .. I'd have to say that I have
no ideas on what to change. I think they're doing the best they can.








"C J Campbell" wrote in message
...
We just got back from a Caribbean cruise, so now I can say that I have
taken
that dam ship to Hell (the Maasdam, to be specific). I was most
disappointed
that Martin Hotze was not in Hell. I was told he was away on assignment.

Against all my previous resolutions, we flew commercial down to Fort
Lauderdale. I got to have my cowboy hat x-rayed, belt and shoes removed,
patted about the groin, etc. The pat-down was the most fun I have had in
ten
years.

Coming home was even worse. I got to stand in line for 20 minutes at the
baggage check-in for e-ticket holders who already had printed out their
boarding passes via the internet. Seems an old lady was trying to buy
tickets there, arguing about the weight allowance on her luggage, and
could
not really decide where she wanted to go or when. The wait at the
security
checkpoint was even longer. When I finally got to the checker two guys
jumped out of line in front of me, which nearly started an altercation.
The
old lady's long-suffering husband was selected for extended search. You
never know what those 80 year old guys might be up to. I would think
that
if
decades of being married to that idiot has not turned him into a
terrorist
by now, nothing will.

But the most fun was getting on and off the Maasdam at each port of
call.
Here they always had us pass through a metal detector -- even though our
luggage was loaded separately and was waiting for us in out staterooms.
Many
of the passengers were carrying snorkeling and SCUBA gear, including
diving
knives, etc. I have not got the faintest idea what these security people
were looking for, but the wire in the brim of my hat always attracted a
lot
of attention. They allowed my pocket knife and Leatherman tool to pass
without comment. I guess the next time I plan to garrote somebody I will
just have to sneak my wire saw on board with the luggage.

--
Christopher J. Campbell
World Famous Flight Instructor
Port Orchard, WA


If you go around beating the Bush, don't complain if you rile the
animals.