Airline Humor

I know these are probably old, but I still think they are funny...

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted
by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.


P = The problem logged by the pilot.
S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.




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"Chuck" wrote in message
hlink.net...
I know these are probably old, but I still think they are funny...

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as
submitted
by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.


Not only are they old, variants of this list have been attributed to almost
every airline and every air force. I first heard many of them thirty years
ago and they were old then.

I suspect that some of them may be actual squawks that people wrote up in
the past, but that most are not.

What we all need is some new material.

One of the great things about being a flight instructor is that you can tell
these old jokes to new students who have never heard them before.