The FAA has just lost it

The following official FAA correspondence is so hysterically
ignorant that I am almost at a loss for words. Here...you
read the thing, and I'll try to muster up some commentary at
the end:

"The Assistant Administrator for Human Resource Management
is pleased to announce a new service available to FAA
employees and family members, HR Concierge Services .

These days more than ever, employees are looking for ways to
keep up with the increasing demands on both workplace and
personal time. Realizing that time is a precious commodity,
the FAA is offering a new service to assist employees in
'balancing work and life ."

Whether you need to find an electrician, are planning a
move, or looking for volunteer opportunities; services are
now available. For everyday life issues that are time
consuming or confusing, FAA employees can contact a
consultant who will locate resources and even make
appointments for you. A full list of services is available
on the website at www.magellanhealth.com .

HR Concierge Services are now available through the EAP and
WorkLife Program at no cost to FAA employees and household
members. You can access the service by contacting Magellan
at 800.234.1327 and through the Magellan Website at
www.MagellanHealth.com by either creating an account or
signing on as guest user. For more information, contact
Chris Kominoth, WorkLife Program Manager at 202.267.9651 or
. You may also contract your
Regional EAP Manager."

OK, OK....let me get this straight: The Failed Aviation
Administration, the biggest loser in the federal government,
the agency that shafts its employees, shuns whole
communities and lies, cheats and steals from it's new hires,
wants to help me get Bruce Springsteen tickets? And it's
all headed up by Ventris "One Heartbeat" Gibson??? You have
GOT to be kidding me.

This web page describes some of the tricks these magicians
can perform. Using their list, I am going to recommend some
things air traffic controllers can call to have help with,
in order to "balance work and life." ((By the way....that's
an interesting phrase, and a tacit admission by the agency
that when you are at work...you are dead.))

First, the most obvious call is to HR Concierge to get you a
proctologist who can take their White Book out of your ass.
Then you need to call a cleaning service to try and mop up
the mess Marion made. (Warn them, though....it smells like
dog poo.)

You CTI grads might want to check into that education
assistance. Maybe they can help you pay off the degree they
made you get but will never use. The degree you no longer
need, at least not if you are either on MySpace of an
Atlanta city bus.

Drop a dime on the managers too, and call the Concierge to
hook them up with some "special education." It's been over
a year since St. Louis and I don't think their boots are
clicking quite as smartly as they used to. Dumbasses
probably need some adult education, too. Perhaps they can
learn the real book definition of "agreement," "contract,"
"colleague," and assorted other words and phrases they
misuse on a daily basis.

Call the HR Concierge travel desk and ask them to help you
get the heck out of the FAA. Tell them to resurrect the
Cleland Bill, or offer you an early go or something. When
they ask where you want to go, freak them out by saying,
"Chocolate. Or nine. Anywhere but here."

They are also offering physical fitness
assistance---although after the butt cheek massage you've
already gotten from this crew you might want to shy away
from this one. The last thing I need is Ventris Gibson
making my spa appointments.

Pet care services? I don't think that will be necessary.
AIA hired her, so she is well groomed and boarded and taken
care of. The NexGen is her hydrant now.

I wonder if this service is available to retired FAA
employees...I could use some help with my gardening, if you
know what I mean.

Now don't get me wrong...I understand employee benefits, and
this initiative might have been an acceptable idea when the
relationship between the agency and her employees was
somewhat normal. But now, in this climate of fear,
intimidation, neglect and outright malicious wounding, I
would rather call Britney Spears to drive me home and
babysit my kids than ask FAA HR or their hired goons to give
me a hand with something. I'd rather date OJ's wife than
chance someone in the agency finding out information that
they are sure to use against me. It's incredibly pathetic
that they are firing employees with one hand while giving
them a hand with their leaky tailpipe with the other.

But you know what? I bet the cubicle dwellers and prairie
doggers at FAA HQ will fit in some time between Pogo,
Pokerstars.com and the five trips to the cafeteria to use
some of these services. Yes, sir, I bet they will, pardon
the pun, gobble them up. With a glazed donut.

This agency is a complete disaster. They have money for
poker tables and oil paintings and leather furniture and a
useless concierge service, but they don't have the common
sense and decency God gave your average serial killer. And
now they want you to share more of your personal information
with the very division of the agency that is hell-bent on
firing everybody. No thanks, Venti. I'll find my own
plumber...you can let "FAA HR Concierge" clean out your
pipes.

HilldaBeast wrote in news:cmO_i.852$wL7.789
@newsfe07.lga:

The following official FAA correspondence is so hysterically
ignorant that I am almost at a loss for words.


That'll be the day


Bertie