Pest lits qualifier!!!

The sick and twisted Robert Buchanan wrote:
My next guest is a very unique entertainer...let's all give a warm
welcome to Some Guy!

The Front Street Gym wrote:
Ladies and Gentlemen (and I use those words loosely), The Bipolar
Express said in ne.weather:

A door-to-door salesman has had a really rough day and decided to try
one more house before heading home. He knocks on the door, determined
to make a sale. Joseph Bartlo opens the door, and the salesman starts
in with his sales pitch. Bartlo stood there speechless, and the
salesman, seeing that he wasn't getting anywhere, asked Bartlo where
his mother was. Bartlo didn't say a word and just pointed upstairs.
The salesman goes up the stairs, opens the bedroom door and finds the
Connie in bed with a goat!! Completely flabbergasted, the salesman
slams the door shut and flies down the stairs. He grabs Bartlo by the
shoulders and yells, "Do you know what's in bed with your mother? Do
you know what they're doing? Doesn't this bother you?" To which
Bartlo
responded, "Na-a-a-a-a-a-a."

A reporter from the apparently now defunct Bartlo Information Ministry
goes to the Bartlo farm looking to do an interview with the great
snow
shovelling forecaster himself.

Well, the reporter walks through the farm, past Connie's single-wide
whore and crack mobile home to the barn where he finds the infamous
Joseph Bartlo kneeling behind a goat, holding the goat's tail up with
one hand and planting a firm kiss right on the goat's asshole.

The reporter says to the nefarious Joseph Bartlo: "Man, are you sick
oe
WHAT???" To which the Coward of the Poconos replies, "No! My lips are
chapped and this keeps me from biting them, you liar and pest!"

ts--Fg

Joseph Bartlo was digging around in the dump for half-smoked cigarette
butts when a little man dressed in green ambled up to him and said,
"Well, me boyo, you've found me hideout. Begorrah, but I've got to
give
you a wish now."

"I want a car," said Bartlo. "I hate that my enemies conspired against
me and stole my license because they're jealous of my skill at
forecasting and Yatzy."

"Sure enough, it's that I can do all right," said the little man. He
grimaced and muttered, then said, "Ah, and the Sidhe have parked it in
your driveway back home. But Joseph me lad, however will you drive the
thing without a license?"

Bartlo furrowed his shaggy, Sasquatchian brows, then said "You're
right.
I want you to give me a new license, too."

"Well," said the little man, "ye've had yer wish already, bucko, but I
tell yez what--I'll give you that too, only you've got to do something
fer me first."

"What's that?" asked Bartlo.

"Does yer Honor see that goat afar off there? Well, ye've got to go
and
roger her roundly, for then I can get ye yer license."

"Wow, I thought it was going to be something difficult or unpleasant!"
shouted Bartlo. "Let me at her!"

So Bartlo commenced action, and soon was busy enjoying his efforts
until
he reached the climax he so longed for. Then he was laughing and
gesturing at the clouds as if he were Zeus himself.

Finally, the little man said "Ah, Joseph, the very angels have blessed
ye with a driver's license. It's in the car in your driveway back
home.
But how will you buy gas, Joseph? Ye have nary a sou to yer name."

"Well, you can just give me some money, pest, can't you?" asked Joseph?

"Oh, I'm made of fairy gold arighty, but ye've got to do something else
for me in return. You are going to have to kiss my blarney stones--in
fact, you're going to have to touch them to your tonsils, along with my
gnarled shillelagh." And here the little man dropped his trousers,
revealing a mighty set of genitalia.

"I don't do anything until I get paid, but OK," said Bartlo. He
dropped
to his knees and began to work enthusiastically. Finally, with great
effort, he had just achieved that goal of getting all three in, when
the
little man said, "By the way, Joseph, aren't ye a little old to be
believing in leprechauns?"

Joseph Bartlo was in the midst of ****ing a goat in a barn when the goat
suddenly turned and bit his penis off. The goat then ran off as Bartlo
fell to the ground and bled to death.

The End

You've got some really strange sexual fantasies, Buchanan. Besides, the
goat bit off Kukucka's black mamba.