WARNING! DO NOT POST SANTA'S CHECKRIDE!

Dave?

Dave's not here, man!

"Darrel Toepfer" wrote in message
...
wrote:
Hmmph... When viewed from the cold scientific perspective, the magic
somehow disappears... I like Cheech & Chong's version better : )

Cheech and Chong - Santa Claus and His Old Lady

....
y'know. Like, she made da best brownies in town, man!
Chong: Oh, I could remember 'em now, man. I could eat ONE of 'em,
man...
Cheech: Wow, did you know these people, man?
Chong: Oh, yeah, man. They used to live next door to me,
y'know...until they got kicked out, man.
Cheech: Wha? They got kicked out of the projects, man?

Dood! From here down you have got the names switched...

Type THEN Toke. OK?

:-)
--
Geoff
the sea hawk at wow way d0t com
remove spaces and make the obvious substitutions to reply by mail
Spell checking is left as an excercise for the reader.

Thanks.

vince norris

Matt Barrow wrote:

2. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since
Santa doesn't appear to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist
children, that reduces the workload to 15 percent of the total - 378 million
according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average census rate of 3.5
children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at
least one good child in each.

Haven't been out to eat at a nice restaurant lately, have you?

--
This is by far the hardest lesson about freedom. It goes against
instinct, and morality, to just sit back and watch people make
mistakes. We want to help them, which means control them and their
decisions, but in doing so we actually hurt them (and ourselves)."

Capt. Geoffrey Thorpe wrote:
"Darrel Toepfer" wrote...
wrote:
Hmmph... When viewed from the cold scientific perspective, the magic
somehow disappears... I like Cheech & Chong's version better : )
Cheech and Chong - Santa Claus and His Old Lady

...
y'know. Like, she made da best brownies in town, man!
Chong: Oh, I could remember 'em now, man. I could eat ONE of 'em,
man...
Cheech: Wow, did you know these people, man?
Chong: Oh, yeah, man. They used to live next door to me,
y'know...until they got kicked out, man.
Cheech: Wha? They got kicked out of the projects, man?

Dood! From here down you have got the names switched...

Type THEN Toke. OK?

Bummer d00d... Actually a sentence ran together and confused me...

I can't believe Cheech called Santa's bike "Ooh, clean". I kneaux a
hispanic teen that uses this wording constantly...

Chong: Yeah, what happened, man?
Cheech: They used ta live with all these midgets, y'know, and da
midgets used ta make a lot noise, y'know, like pounding and hammering
and pounding all night, man...
Chong: Typical freaks, huh?
Cheech: Oh, yeah, man, they were REALLY freaks, man. As a matter of
fact, they all moved up north together, y'know.
Chong: Oh, they had to go get their head together, man?
Cheech: Yeah, get their head together. And they started a commune,
y'know. It was called the...uh...Santa Claus and his Old Lady
Commune...it was a real famous one up there, man. And they used to sit
around and groove all the time, y'know.
Chong: Oh, yeah?
Cheech: Yeah, a really good time there, man.
Chong: That sounds heavy, man.
Cheech: Yeah, they eat da brownies, man, and they drink da tea,
man...and what they did most of da time, though, was make a lotta
goodies, y'know? And they had everything they needed...they only needed
to come into town maybe once year or something like that...
Chong: To pick up the welfare check and the food stamps, right.
Cheech: Yeah, man. No, no, what they did, man, is that, once a year,
when they made all the goodies, y'know, they used ta put 'em in a big
chopping bag and, then, they used ta take da chopping bag and give 'em
to all the boys and girls all da way around da world, man!
Chong: Hey, well, that's hip, man! That sounds real nice, man.
Cheech: Oh, yeah, they were really nice people man. And so much
class, man... they had so much class, y'know. Like, give or take da way
they used ta deliver da toys, y'know. It's, like, Santa Claus used ta
have this really charp chort, man, y'know? It was lower to da ground,
had twice-pipes, candy-apple red and button top. Ooh, clean!
Chong: Hey, that sounds like a hip snowmobile, man.
Cheech: No, no, it wasn't a snowmobile...it was a sled, y'know. One
of those big sleds, y'know? And he used ta have it pulled by some
reindeers, y'know, like, reindeers?
Chong: Some WHAT, man?
Cheech: Some reindeers, y'know. He used ta hook them onto da sled,
and then he used ta stand up inside da sled and hold on to da reins, and
then call out their names, like, On, Donner! On, Blitzen! On, Chewy! On,
Tavo! C'mon, Becto! And then, the reindeers used ta take off into da sky
and fly across da sky, man!
Chong: Wow, man! That's far out, man!
Cheech: Yeah! And then, when they flied across da sky, they used ta
come down to place like, oh, Chicago, L.A., Nueva York and Pacoima and
all those places, y'know, and then land on top of people's roofs, and
then 'ol Santa Claus would make himself real small, y'know, like, a real
small guy, and he'd come down da chimney and then he would give you all
da stuff that he made, man. And...dig this, man...he did it all in one
night, man!
Chong: Hey, just a minute, man. Now, how'd he do that, man?
Cheech: Oh, well, man, he took da freeway. How else, man?
Chong: No, man. No, man, how'd he do all that other stuff, man?
Like, how'd he make himself small, man. And, how'd he, like, how'd he
get the reindeer off the ground, man?
Cheech: Oh, well, man, he had some magic dust, man.
Chong: Some magic dust?
Cheech: Yeah, magic dust, y'know? He used ta give a little bit to da
reindeer, a little bit to Santa Claus, a little bit more for Santa
Claus, a little bit more...
Chong: And this would get the reindeer off, man?
Cheech: Aw, got 'em off, man?!? Are you kidding, man? They flew all
da way around da world, man!
Chong: Hey, that's far out, man! Hey, I come I never met this
dude, man?
Cheech: Oh, man, he doesn't do that bit anymore, man. It got too
dangerous, man.
Chong: Yeah, I can dig that, man, 'cause that's a dangerous bit, man!
Cheech: Yeah, lemme tell ya, it sure was, man. Like just two years
ago, man, he got stopped at the border, y'know, and they took him into
another room and took off his clothes, man, and searched him and
searched his bag of goodies, man...and then, when he was leaving, man,
he was flying through the air and somebody took a chot and his reindeer,
y'know.
Chong: Aw, that's a drag, man.
Cheech: Yeah, it really was, man. And then, man, he went down south,
man, and they tried to cut of his hair and his beard, man. And all the
time, he was getting stopped and pulled over and asked for his ID,
man...just everywhere he went, he ran into too much recession, man.
Chong: No, man, you mean he ran into too much REPRESSION, man.
Cheech: Aw, repression...recession...it's all da same thing, man.
Chong: Yeah, man. But, it's a drag, man, 'cause we could sure use
a dude like that right now.
Cheech: Oh, he still comes around, man.
Chong: Oh, yeah?
Cheech: Yeah, but he comes in disguises now...
Chong: Aw, he went underground, man.
Cheech: Yeah, underground, man.
Chong: I can dig it.
Cheech: Yeah. But you ought to see his disguise...nobody would ever
know it was him, man.
Chong: Oh, yeah?
Cheech: Yeah. He's gotta job in front of da department store,
ringing this bell and playing this tambourine next to this black pot,
y'know?
Chong: AW, I'VE SEEN THE DUDE, MAN!
Cheech: YEAH! You know who I'm talking about, man!
Chong: Yeah, man! I played with that cat last year, man!
Cheech: WHA?!?!?
Chong: Yeah, we played in front of a store, man! We made a lot of
bread, man!
Cheech: Aw, hey, wait a minute, man! Santa Claus is not a musician,
man!
Chong: I'm hip, man! That cat didn't know ANY tunes, man!
Cheech: Oh, hey, wait a minute, man...no, he's not hip to that at
all, man.
Chong: No, but I played with THIS dude, man.
Cheech: Are you sure, man?
Chong: Positive!

Matt Barrow wrote:
"vincent p. norris" wrote in message
...
Damn. I expected the incineration point umpteen second stop at each
house one :-(

Hey! I haven't heard that one! Please post it.


A Technical Analysis of Santa Claus

Ah. Thank you :-)

John T wrote in :

Don't. If I have to read this hoary old chestnut again, I'll kick yer
butt!!!

You have been warned!!!




Santa's Checkride with the FAA

One day Santa was surprised to find an FAA inspector showing up on his
doorstep who insisted on giving Santa a checkride in his sleigh. Santa
protested that he wasn't flying an airplane and wasn't governed by any of
the FARs but the FAA inspector insisted he wouldn't be allowed to cross
into
US airspace without an approved checkride.

So Santa relented, strapped in his reindeer and prepared the sleigh for
takeoff.

As he took his seat at the reins he noticed the FAA inspector sat down
beside him with a shotgun. Somewhat alarmed Santa asked him why he
carried a
shotgun! The FAA inspector turned to Santa and, after a moment's
hesitation,
said

"Well, what the heck. I'm really not supposed to tell you this ahead of
time
but you're going to lose one on takeoff!"