somewhat OT : a few good aviation stories...

Enjoy.....I like the b52 one best.... take care Blll

In his book, Sled Driver, SR-71 Blackbird pilot Brian Shul writes:
"I'll always remember a certain radio exchange that occurred one day
as Walt (my back-seater) and I were screaming across Southern
California 13 miles high. We were monitoring various radio transmissions
from other aircraft as we entered Los Angeles airspace. Though they
didn't really control us, they did monitor our movement across their
scope.

I heard a Cessna ask for a readout of its ground speed."90 knots"
Center replied.

"Moments later, a Twin Beech required the same."

"120 knots," Center answered. We weren't the only ones proud of our
ground speed that day as almost instantly an F-18 smugly transmitted,
'Ah, Center, Dusty 52 requests ground speed readout.'

There was a slight pause, then the response, "525 knots on the ground,
Dusty." "Another silent pause. As I was thinking to myself how ripe
a situation this was, I heard a familiar click of a radio transmission
coming from my back-seater. It was at that precise moment I realized
Walt and I had become a real crew, for we were both thinking in
unison." "Center, Aspen 20, you got a ground speed readout for us?"
There was a longer than normal pause .... "Aspen, I show 1,742 knots"
No further inquiries were heard on that frequency.
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In another famous SR-71 story, Los Angeles Center reported receiving a
request for clearance to FL 60 (60,000ft). The incredulous controller,
with some disdain in his voice, asked, "How do you plan to get up to
60,000 feet?
The pilot (obviously a sled driver), responded, "We don't plan to go
up to it, we plan to go down to it." He was cleared.
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The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver.
He placed it on top of the instrument panel, and then asked the
navigator, "Do you know what I use this for?" The navigator replied
timidly, "No, what's it for?" The pilot responded, "I use this on
navigators who get me lost!" The navigator proceeded to pull out a
45 and place it on his chart table. The pilot asked, "What's that
for?" "To be honest sir," the navigator replied, "I'll know we're
lost before you will."
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Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!" Delta 351:
"Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
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One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short
of the runway while a MD80 landed. The MD80 landed, rolled out, turned
around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian
in the MD80 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane.
Did you make it all by yourself?"
Our hero the Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came
back with: "I made it out of MD80 parts. Another landing like that and
I'll have enough parts for another one."
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There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing
because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked."
Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two
behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah," the pilot remarked,
"the dreaded seven-engine approach."
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A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While
attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was
your last known position?" Student: "When I was number one for
takeoff."
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Taxiing down the tarmac, the 757 abruptly stopped, turned around
and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took
off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant , "What was
the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the
engine," explained the flight attendant," and it took us a while to
find a new pilot."
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"Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees." "But
Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"