$#@! TSA requirements

We just got back from a Caribbean cruise, so now I can say that I have taken
that dam ship to Hell (the Maasdam, to be specific). I was most disappointed
that Martin Hotze was not in Hell. I was told he was away on assignment.

Against all my previous resolutions, we flew commercial down to Fort
Lauderdale. I got to have my cowboy hat x-rayed, belt and shoes removed,
patted about the groin, etc. The pat-down was the most fun I have had in ten
years.

Coming home was even worse. I got to stand in line for 20 minutes at the
baggage check-in for e-ticket holders who already had printed out their
boarding passes via the internet. Seems an old lady was trying to buy
tickets there, arguing about the weight allowance on her luggage, and could
not really decide where she wanted to go or when. The wait at the security
checkpoint was even longer. When I finally got to the checker two guys
jumped out of line in front of me, which nearly started an altercation. The
old lady's long-suffering husband was selected for extended search. You
never know what those 80 year old guys might be up to. I would think that if
decades of being married to that idiot has not turned him into a terrorist
by now, nothing will.

But the most fun was getting on and off the Maasdam at each port of call.
Here they always had us pass through a metal detector -- even though our
luggage was loaded separately and was waiting for us in out staterooms. Many
of the passengers were carrying snorkeling and SCUBA gear, including diving
knives, etc. I have not got the faintest idea what these security people
were looking for, but the wire in the brim of my hat always attracted a lot
of attention. They allowed my pocket knife and Leatherman tool to pass
without comment. I guess the next time I plan to garrote somebody I will
just have to sneak my wire saw on board with the luggage.

--
Christopher J. Campbell
World Famous Flight Instructor
Port Orchard, WA


If you go around beating the Bush, don't complain if you rile the animals.