The Gospel According to St. Fresnel

Another variation on an old one. Enjoy!

--
Mike Kanze

"If you want to feel secure about the world, never talk to a member of the
generation that's running it."

- Jeremy Duncan (ZITS comic strip, 7/9/05)

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The Gospel According to St. Fresnel of the Miraculous Lens

Chapter One, Versus One through Six

1. In the Beginning, God created the heavens, and the Aircraft Carrier, and
the seas upon which to float it; and yet there was complete Darkness upon
the face of the earth. And, as we traveled, there came to us, as a voice out
of the darkness, an angel of the Lord, saying, "On centerline, on
Glideslope, three quarters of a mile, call the ball." I reflected upon these
words, for I was still yet engulfed in complete darkness. With deep feeling
and doubt overwhelming my countenance, I glanceth in the mirror for my back
seater and saith, "What seeth thou, trusted friend?", and there was a great
silence. Gazing in a searching manner and seeing naught, I raised my voice
saying, "LSO where are thou?"

2. And God spoke to me, and He said, "You're low....power". As the Lord
saith, so shall it be, and I added power; and lo, the ball riseth up onto
the bottom of the mirror. But it was a tainted red glow, and surely
indicateth Satan's own influence. And God spoke to me again saying,
"Power...Power.Power!!!!....Fly the ball." And lo, the ball riseth up and
off the top of the lens, and the great darkness was upon me again.

3. And the voice of the Angel came to me again, saying, "When comfortable,
twelve hundred feet, turn downwind." Whereupon I wandered in the darkness,
without direction, for surely the ships radar was beset by demons, and there
was great confusion cast upon CATCC, and there was a great silence in which
there was no comfort to be found. Even my TACAN needle spinneth......and lo,
there was chaos; my trusted companion weepeth quietly unto himself and from
close behind I heard weeping and gnashing of teeth. There was a great
turmoil within my cockpit for a multitude of serpents had crept therein.

4. And though we wandered, as if by Providence I found myself within that
Holy Corridor, and at twelve hundred feet, among my brethren seeking refuge;
and the voice of the Angel of the Lord came to me again, asking of me my
needles, and I raised my voice saying, "Up and centered", and the voice
answered, "Roger, fly your needles...." I reflected upon these words, and I
raised my voice in prayer, for though my gyro indicateth it not so, surely
my aircraft hath been turned upside down. Verily, as Beelzebub surely
wrestled with me, a voice, that of my trusted companion, saith to me calmly,
"Friend.....fly thy needles, and find comfort in the Lord." And lo, with
deep trembling in my heart, I did, and He guideth me to centered glideslope
and centerline, though I know not how it came to be.

5. And out of the great darkness, God spoke to me again saying, "Roger ball"
for now I had faith. And though the ball began to rise at the in close
position, my left hand was full of the Spirit, and it squeeketh off power
and as the wheels touched I firewalled the power, but in a great miracle my
plane stoppeth upon the flight deck, for it hath caught the four wire which
God in his infinite wisdom hath placed thirty feet further down the flight
deck than the three wire.

6. And thus bathed in cool sweat I glance upward and smiled, our pilgrimage
was at an end, and my spirit was truly reborn. And as I basked in the
rapture, God spoketh to me one final time, and He saith, "Turn off your Damn
Lights on deck..."