Powered relief system -- I can hear you laughing from here....

OK, here goes: After reading all those recent posts about removing
self-adhesive external male catheters, I'm going to put my already
dubious reputation at risk and share my "invention." I have a
Powered-Pee-Pump in my glider. Now don't laugh so hard - everyone
does, till they get a closer look at the thing and a little lightbulb
goes off over their heads....

Here's the deal: as a new pilot I found that the usual methods for
relief were pretty damn distracting and I'd look up from the baggie
and see my ASI approaching redline. (Found I was putting the nose down
to encourage gravity flow....) And I simply wasn't interested in
wearing a condom the whole time I was flying, (it's supposed to be
"free-flight" after all,) or the hassle of un-gluing, etc. Then I
realized my glider has an electrical system.

So, I found a small, corrosion resistant, self-priming 12-24 VDC liquid
pump from these guys: http://www.smartproducts.com/liquid.html
They had an "R&D" special price of $25 for the first one. It has
mounting tabs allowing it to be easily screwed to any flat surface;
mine went onto the floor of my 1-35 just ahead of my instrument panel.
The pump is fitted with 1/8" NPT barbs so it was very easy to plumb
tubing onto. I used a length of flexible latex tubing on the "from"
side, and cheap pvc tubing on the exit side. Pump is wired to fuse and
toggle switch in my panel.

For the "connector" I used a small rubber bulb from an
old-fashioned child's bicycle horn. I super-glued the latex hose into
the small end of the bulb. I cut and radiused a hole in the large end
of the bulb, "custom-sized" for a snug but comfortable fit.
(You're on your own here....) I drilled a 1/16" vent hole in the
side of the bulb which is normally facing upwards, when the bulb is
deployed. OK, now here's the fun part. To don the "connector", I
simply switch on the pump, which creates a small vacuum. Then I cover
the 1/16" whole with my thumb and hold the large hole against the
head of the little guy for a few seconds, and it
"self-installs".... I release the small vent hole, concentrate on
flying, and there's no muss, no fuss. When done, I disconnect with
pump still running, tip the bulb vertically to completely drain, stow
the bulb, and flip the switch off. At the moment, I am using a
two-liter plastic soda bottle (mounted in what was a capacity flask
mount in the nose of the glider) for waste storage. Bottle has a tiny
vent hole at very top and does not leak. I will eventually plumb a line
out the tail or wheel well. For the time being, the standing joke is
about moving the CG forward during the flight by slowly transporting
liquid from the Camelbak mounted behind the seat into the reservoir in
the glider's nose.

Gravity and spillage are a non-issue. The damn thing has worked
flawlessly every time since I installed it about two years ago. Current
draw seems minimal. (I still carry a baggie as back-up is always a good
idea....) Total, one-time cost about $35. No, there is no "vibrate"
option, and, no, I'm not going to take pictures of it in use!

There, my dirty little secret is out of the bag. (What did I just let
myself in for?!)

Blue skies, Paul