Airline Joke

Matt Whiting wrote:
B A R R Y wrote:

Gig 601XL Builder wrote:

Great joke. The only problem is the suspension of belief required by
this line.

...two burly male flight attendants...


I've only seen burly female flight attendants. G

You need to fly more or fly a classier carrier! :-)

I've seen plenty of nice looking female FA's. The burly ones always
seem to be women!

"Gig 601XL Builder" wrote:

Great joke. The only problem is the suspension of belief required by
this line.

...two burly male flight attendants...

I said they were burly...I didn't say they were straight.

An oldie but goodie--Qantas squawks and mechanics' responses:

SQUAWK: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
RESPONSE: Almost replaced left inside main tire.


SQUAWK: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
RESPONSE: There is no autoland installed on this aircraft.


SQUAWK: Something loose in cockpit.
RESPONSE: Something tightened in cockpit.


SQUAWK: Dead bugs on windshield.
RESPONSE: Live bugs on backorder.


SQUAWK: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
RESPONSE: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.


SQUAWK: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
RESPONSE: Evidence removed.


SQUAWK: DME volume unbelievably loud.
RESPONSE: DME volume set to more believable level.


SQUAWK: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
RESPONSE: That's what they're there for!


SQUAWK: IFF inoperative.
RESPONSE: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.


SQUAWK: Suspected crack in windscreen.
RESPONSE: Suspect you're right.


SQUAWK: Number 3 engine "missing". (note: this was for a piston-engined
airplane; the pilot meant the engine was not running smoothly)
RESPONSE: Engine found on right wing after brief search.


SQUAWK: Aircraft handles funny.
RESPONSE: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.


SQUAWK: Radar hums.
RESPONSE: Reprogrammed radar with words.


SQUAWK: Mouse in cockpit.
RESPONSE: Cat installed.

And my two favorites.....

1. Flight Attendant: Would you like some TWA coffee or TWA tea?

2.Q. Flight Attendant: What would you like to drink sir?
A. Passenger: I'll have a Coke.
Q. Flight Attendant: Would you like in the can?
A. Passenger: No, I'll drink it right here!



"Jim" wrote in message
...
Probably posted here a dozen times but it's a first for me.

--
Jim Fisher

A guy sitting at an airport bar in Los Angeles noticed a beautiful young
woman sitting next to him. He thought to himself, "Wow, she's so gorgeous
she must be a flight attendant. But which airline does she work for?"

Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta
slogan: "Love to fly and it shows?"

She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to
himself, "Guess she doesn't work for Delta".

A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards
her again, "Something special in the air?"

She gave him the same blank look. He mentally kicked himself, and
scratched American Airlines off the list.

Next he tried the United slogan: "I would really love to fly your
friendly skies?"

This time the woman turned on him, "What the f*** do you want?"

The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair, and said...
"Ahhh, South African Airways!!!!"

Progress in airline flying: now a flight attendant can get a pilot
pregnant.

GeorgeC