Airline Joke

Probably posted here a dozen times but it's a first for me.

--
Jim Fisher

A guy sitting at an airport bar in Los Angeles noticed a beautiful young
woman sitting next to him. He thought to himself, "Wow, she's so gorgeous
she must be a flight attendant. But which airline does she work for?"

Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta
slogan: "Love to fly and it shows?"

She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to
himself, "Guess she doesn't work for Delta".

A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards
her again, "Something special in the air?"

She gave him the same blank look. He mentally kicked himself, and scratched
American Airlines off the list.

Next he tried the United slogan: "I would really love to fly your
friendly skies?"

This time the woman turned on him, "What the f*** do you want?"

The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair, and said...
"Ahhh, South African Airways!!!!"

Air Canada's motto

"We're not happy till you're not happy."



"Jim" wrote in message
...
Probably posted here a dozen times but it's a first for me.

--
Jim Fisher

A guy sitting at an airport bar in Los Angeles noticed a beautiful young
woman sitting next to him. He thought to himself, "Wow, she's so gorgeous
she must be a flight attendant. But which airline does she work for?"

Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta
slogan: "Love to fly and it shows?"

She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to
himself, "Guess she doesn't work for Delta".

A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards
her again, "Something special in the air?"

She gave him the same blank look. He mentally kicked himself, and
scratched American Airlines off the list.

Next he tried the United slogan: "I would really love to fly your
friendly skies?"

This time the woman turned on him, "What the f*** do you want?"

The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair, and said...
"Ahhh, South African Airways!!!!"

"Jim" wrote in message
...
Probably posted here a dozen times but it's a first for me.

--
Jim Fisher



DELTA

Don't Expect Luggage To Arrive

-----------------------------------------
DW

Sounds more like Air France



"Jim" wrote in message
...
| Probably posted here a dozen times but it's a first for
me.
|
| --
| Jim Fisher
|
| A guy sitting at an airport bar in Los Angeles noticed a
beautiful young
| woman sitting next to him. He thought to himself, "Wow,
she's so gorgeous
| she must be a flight attendant. But which airline does she
work for?"
|
| Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and uttered
the Delta
| slogan: "Love to fly and it shows?"
|
| She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately
thought to
| himself, "Guess she doesn't work for Delta".
|
| A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. He
leaned towards
| her again, "Something special in the air?"
|
| She gave him the same blank look. He mentally kicked
himself, and scratched
| American Airlines off the list.
|
| Next he tried the United slogan: "I would really love to
fly your
| friendly skies?"
|
| This time the woman turned on him, "What the f*** do you
want?"
|
| The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair, and
said...
| "Ahhh, South African Airways!!!!"
|
|

A man boards an airliner, takes his seat, and is surprised to find a
large purple parrot in the seat next to him.

The aircraft takes off and a pretty flight attendant walks down the
aisle past the man and his psittacine seat mate.

"Hey, bitch," says the parrot, "bring me a whiskey and soda, and make it
snappy!"

The FA looks annoyed, but walks on. A minute later, she walks back up
the aisle, and the parrot pipes up again:

"Goddammit, you lazy whore, where's my whiskey? Hurry it up!"

Visibly flustered, the FA hurries up the aisle and returns quickly with
the parrot's drink. Impressed with the parrot's technique, the man
decides to get some quick service for himself.

"Hey, slut," says the man, "get me a dry martini. And don't drag your
sorry ass--I want it right now!"

The FA turns red with anger and runs to the front of the plane. In a
moment she returns with the First Officer and two burly male flight
attendants. The crewmen seize the passenger and the parrot, jerk open
the emergency door, and hurl them both out of the airplane at 20,000
feet.

As the two hurtle out the door, the parrot says to the man, "Ya know,
for someone who can't fly, you got a lotta balls."

ROFL!!

An oldie but goodie--Qantas squawks and mechanics' responses:

SQUAWK: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
RESPONSE: Almost replaced left inside main tire.


SQUAWK: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
RESPONSE: There is no autoland installed on this aircraft.


SQUAWK: Something loose in cockpit.
RESPONSE: Something tightened in cockpit.


SQUAWK: Dead bugs on windshield.
RESPONSE: Live bugs on backorder.


SQUAWK: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
RESPONSE: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.


SQUAWK: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
RESPONSE: Evidence removed.


SQUAWK: DME volume unbelievably loud.
RESPONSE: DME volume set to more believable level.


SQUAWK: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
RESPONSE: That's what they're there for!


SQUAWK: IFF inoperative.
RESPONSE: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.


SQUAWK: Suspected crack in windscreen.
RESPONSE: Suspect you're right.


SQUAWK: Number 3 engine "missing". (note: this was for a piston-engined
airplane; the pilot meant the engine was not running smoothly)
RESPONSE: Engine found on right wing after brief search.


SQUAWK: Aircraft handles funny.
RESPONSE: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.


SQUAWK: Radar hums.
RESPONSE: Reprogrammed radar with words.


SQUAWK: Mouse in cockpit.
RESPONSE: Cat installed.

And my two favorites.....

1. Flight Attendant: Would you like some TWA coffee or TWA tea?

2.Q. Flight Attendant: What would you like to drink sir?
A. Passenger: I'll have a Coke.
Q. Flight Attendant: Would you like in the can?
A. Passenger: No, I'll drink it right here!



"Jim" wrote in message
...
Probably posted here a dozen times but it's a first for me.

--
Jim Fisher

A guy sitting at an airport bar in Los Angeles noticed a beautiful young
woman sitting next to him. He thought to himself, "Wow, she's so gorgeous
she must be a flight attendant. But which airline does she work for?"

Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta
slogan: "Love to fly and it shows?"

She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to
himself, "Guess she doesn't work for Delta".

A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards
her again, "Something special in the air?"

She gave him the same blank look. He mentally kicked himself, and
scratched American Airlines off the list.

Next he tried the United slogan: "I would really love to fly your
friendly skies?"

This time the woman turned on him, "What the f*** do you want?"

The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair, and said...
"Ahhh, South African Airways!!!!"

Progress in airline flying: now a flight attendant can get a pilot
pregnant.

GeorgeC

Great joke. The only problem is the suspension of belief required by this
line.

....two burly male flight attendants...

"Dan Luke" wrote in message
...
A man boards an airliner, takes his seat, and is surprised to find a large
purple parrot in the seat next to him.

The aircraft takes off and a pretty flight attendant walks down the aisle
past the man and his psittacine seat mate.

"Hey, bitch," says the parrot, "bring me a whiskey and soda, and make it
snappy!"

The FA looks annoyed, but walks on. A minute later, she walks back up the
aisle, and the parrot pipes up again:

"Goddammit, you lazy whore, where's my whiskey? Hurry it up!"

Visibly flustered, the FA hurries up the aisle and returns quickly with
the parrot's drink. Impressed with the parrot's technique, the man
decides to get some quick service for himself.

"Hey, slut," says the man, "get me a dry martini. And don't drag your
sorry ass--I want it right now!"

The FA turns red with anger and runs to the front of the plane. In a
moment she returns with the First Officer and two burly male flight
attendants. The crewmen seize the passenger and the parrot, jerk open the
emergency door, and hurl them both out of the airplane at 20,000 feet.

As the two hurtle out the door, the parrot says to the man, "Ya know, for
someone who can't fly, you got a lotta balls."