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My wife getting scared
On Oct 1, 9:55 am, Mxsmanic wrote:
Paul Tomblin writes: The problem with that approach is that after the DE guy died, that worked because Rochester aviation's dirty little secret was that he was a known corner-cutter and risk taker. But when the other two died, I had to admit that I've flown with one of them a couple of times and I couldn't fault anything he did. He seemed to me careful and methodical and professional. What was the actual cause of his accident? He crashed. |
#2
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My wife getting scared
In a previous article, said:
On Oct 1, 9:55 am, Mxsmanic wrote: What was the actual cause of his accident? He crashed. Failure to maintain separation from the ground. -- Paul Tomblin http://blog.xcski.com/ Frankly, your argument wouldn't float were the sea composed of mercury. -- Biff |
#3
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My wife getting scared
Mxsmanic wrote in
: Paul Tomblin writes: The problem with that approach is that after the DE guy died, that worked because Rochester aviation's dirty little secret was that he was a known corner-cutter and risk taker. But when the other two died, I had to admit that I've flown with one of them a couple of times and I couldn't fault anything he did. He seemed to me careful and methodical and professional. What was the actual cause of his accident? What's it to you? You don't fly. Bertie |
#4
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My wife getting scared
"DH" == Dudley Henriques writes:
DH The best way to handle these issues is to start immediately to DH convince her that rather than denying any danger exists, you DH are completely aware of the potential for danger in flying and DH are capable of avoiding that danger by the way you approach DH the issue of flying. And this (saying you are are a safe pilot) is easier if you are a safe person. Do you speed on the highway? Zip between lanes? Reckless with money or other areas of life that give her cause to doubt? My wife and I have an understanding, mostly unspoken but very real: I don't twist her arm to go flying with me, she doesn't nag me to stop. I don't take stupid risks, she doesn't stupidly question why I like to fly. Maybe that's where you'll have to arrive. -- It takes a big man to cry. It takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man. - Jack Handey |
#5
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My wife getting scared
My wife and I have an understanding, mostly unspoken but very real: I don't twist her arm to go flying with me, she doesn't nag me to stop. I don't take stupid risks, she doesn't stupidly question why I like to fly. Maybe that's where you'll have to arrive. -- Yep, pretty much where I am (but she does make a remark on flying from time to time). Dean |
#6
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My wife getting scared
Bob Fry wrote:
Reckless with money or other areas of life that give her cause to doubt? Wreckless with money? Of course he's wreckless with money. He's a GA pilot. |
#7
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My wife getting scared
"Dudley Henriques" wrote in message ... Paul Tomblin wrote: I've been a pilot for 12 years now. I've been married (this time) for 10. Three years ago, the DE who passed me on my private and instrument tickets died in a stupid accident. My wife had met him a few times at flying club dinners and around the airport. A few weeks ago, a club member who she'd also met several times died in his float plane, a plane that I'd flown in a few weeks before that. He died with his best friend, a former club member who I knew a bit but whom my wife didn't. Now that two people she's met have died flying in a relatively short period of time, she's getting less and less secure about my own flying. Every time I head out to the airport, she gives me the talk. "Be careful. Don't die. If you have the slightest doubt, come back." Etc. And so on. I don't think she'll tell me to stop, because she knows I was a pilot before we married. But what can I do to reassure her? The pilot community is pretty small, and losing three people associated with our little club is pretty scary for her. At one time, I thought when the kids were finished college I'd finally have enough money to buy a share in a float plane and we could have some adventures together. Now I'm not even sure she'd come flying in a club plane. During the fifty odd years I've been involved in professional aviation; most of that teaching in and flying high performance airplanes I've buried 32 of my friends and associates. My wife was with me through forty of those years and knew many of these people personally. I've dealt with this issue both in my own home and as an adviser to others. I can tell you this in all sincerity and honesty. I realize you might not be involved in high risk aviation so what I am about to say to you might even be easier for you in your personal situation as a pleasure pilot. I believe I have looked at this issue from enough directions and have enough experience with it that you might want to give serious consideration to my advice. When it comes to handling something like this with a loved one, you can of course attempt to convince your wife you will be safe based on the favorable statistics you can go dig up that say general aviation is a safe pastime. But my advice is to use this approach but with a caveat. Forget using the statistics alone without additional input from you as that road to convince a loved one is filled with pot holes. In order to reach your wife, don't down play the dangers involved with flying, as she is already convinced of a potential danger and has seen what can happen when things go wrong. The best way to handle these issues is to start immediately to convince her that rather than denying any danger exists, you are completely aware of the potential for danger in flying and are capable of avoiding that danger by the way you approach the issue of flying. In other words, what you want to accomplish here is to convince your wife that YOU PERSONALLY are an aware pilot with a professional attitude that is highly tuned in to the avoidance of areas of danger when you fly. What you want to do is steer your wife into thinking of you as a pilot separated from other pilots. You need to have her consider you INDIVIDUALLY as competent and professional instead of viewing you as just another pilot among many. It's the thinking about a large group where some get hurt or killed that frightens loved ones. Once she looks at you individually, she will realize that you PERSONALLY are aware of danger and competent enough to stay away from it. She will feel better knowing that. All this having been said, there is nothing cast in stone that will solve these kinds of issues. Accidents happen and pilots get killed once in a while. What it boils down to is that YOU are the only one who can address this issue with a loved one. It takes tact and it takes understanding, but most of all it means recognizing her fears as legitimate instead of down playing them with safety statistics. Bring her into your world as a pilot more than you have and let her know that above all else, you are aware....and you are a SAFE pilot. Hope this advice has been of some help. DH -- Dudley Henriques Hello to all, If you don't mind, Dudley, I would like to add my 2 cents worth to what you said, and with which I totally agree. I am a retired US Army Master Aviator. I have a wife, and two children. We have been married for 51 years. I started flying in 1959, Fixed Wing, and Rotary Wing. Spent two years of my Army career in Vietnam, flying gunships and slicks. My wife and I talked about my going to flight school at great length. She understood the risks, and how much I wanted this, and stood by my decision to go. While she worried while I was deployed, she kept the home fires burning. She supported me , and understood while there was danger, there was also danger in driving a car on the highway and getting hit by some drunk driver. She also put up with two tours (unaccompanied) in Korea during this time. What can I say--she was an Army wife, God Bless them all. I retired from the Army in 1978. I have not flown since. Not because she wanted me to stop, my decision. Financial, with 2 kids in college, and then, after final retirement, our desire to travel, flying was not economically something I wanted to do that might prevent OUR enjoying retirement activities She is now an invalid, and I am her caregiver, a task I take on willingly out of love. I can never repay her for the support she has given me all these years, but I try. My point with all this. As Dudley says, if you get your wife on board, all will be well, If not, then I know many of my fellow Army aviators that have gone through some bad times related to their flying and career choices. Best wishes to you. Paul |
#8
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My wife getting scared
Paul Riley wrote:
"Dudley Henriques" wrote in message ... Paul Tomblin wrote: I've been a pilot for 12 years now. I've been married (this time) for 10. Three years ago, the DE who passed me on my private and instrument tickets died in a stupid accident. My wife had met him a few times at flying club dinners and around the airport. A few weeks ago, a club member who she'd also met several times died in his float plane, a plane that I'd flown in a few weeks before that. He died with his best friend, a former club member who I knew a bit but whom my wife didn't. Now that two people she's met have died flying in a relatively short period of time, she's getting less and less secure about my own flying. Every time I head out to the airport, she gives me the talk. "Be careful. Don't die. If you have the slightest doubt, come back." Etc. And so on. I don't think she'll tell me to stop, because she knows I was a pilot before we married. But what can I do to reassure her? The pilot community is pretty small, and losing three people associated with our little club is pretty scary for her. At one time, I thought when the kids were finished college I'd finally have enough money to buy a share in a float plane and we could have some adventures together. Now I'm not even sure she'd come flying in a club plane. During the fifty odd years I've been involved in professional aviation; most of that teaching in and flying high performance airplanes I've buried 32 of my friends and associates. My wife was with me through forty of those years and knew many of these people personally. I've dealt with this issue both in my own home and as an adviser to others. I can tell you this in all sincerity and honesty. I realize you might not be involved in high risk aviation so what I am about to say to you might even be easier for you in your personal situation as a pleasure pilot. I believe I have looked at this issue from enough directions and have enough experience with it that you might want to give serious consideration to my advice. When it comes to handling something like this with a loved one, you can of course attempt to convince your wife you will be safe based on the favorable statistics you can go dig up that say general aviation is a safe pastime. But my advice is to use this approach but with a caveat. Forget using the statistics alone without additional input from you as that road to convince a loved one is filled with pot holes. In order to reach your wife, don't down play the dangers involved with flying, as she is already convinced of a potential danger and has seen what can happen when things go wrong. The best way to handle these issues is to start immediately to convince her that rather than denying any danger exists, you are completely aware of the potential for danger in flying and are capable of avoiding that danger by the way you approach the issue of flying. In other words, what you want to accomplish here is to convince your wife that YOU PERSONALLY are an aware pilot with a professional attitude that is highly tuned in to the avoidance of areas of danger when you fly. What you want to do is steer your wife into thinking of you as a pilot separated from other pilots. You need to have her consider you INDIVIDUALLY as competent and professional instead of viewing you as just another pilot among many. It's the thinking about a large group where some get hurt or killed that frightens loved ones. Once she looks at you individually, she will realize that you PERSONALLY are aware of danger and competent enough to stay away from it. She will feel better knowing that. All this having been said, there is nothing cast in stone that will solve these kinds of issues. Accidents happen and pilots get killed once in a while. What it boils down to is that YOU are the only one who can address this issue with a loved one. It takes tact and it takes understanding, but most of all it means recognizing her fears as legitimate instead of down playing them with safety statistics. Bring her into your world as a pilot more than you have and let her know that above all else, you are aware....and you are a SAFE pilot. Hope this advice has been of some help. DH -- Dudley Henriques Hello to all, If you don't mind, Dudley, I would like to add my 2 cents worth to what you said, and with which I totally agree. I am a retired US Army Master Aviator. I have a wife, and two children. We have been married for 51 years. I started flying in 1959, Fixed Wing, and Rotary Wing. Spent two years of my Army career in Vietnam, flying gunships and slicks. My wife and I talked about my going to flight school at great length. She understood the risks, and how much I wanted this, and stood by my decision to go. While she worried while I was deployed, she kept the home fires burning. She supported me , and understood while there was danger, there was also danger in driving a car on the highway and getting hit by some drunk driver. She also put up with two tours (unaccompanied) in Korea during this time. What can I say--she was an Army wife, God Bless them all. I retired from the Army in 1978. I have not flown since. Not because she wanted me to stop, my decision. Financial, with 2 kids in college, and then, after final retirement, our desire to travel, flying was not economically something I wanted to do that might prevent OUR enjoying retirement activities She is now an invalid, and I am her caregiver, a task I take on willingly out of love. I can never repay her for the support she has given me all these years, but I try. My point with all this. As Dudley says, if you get your wife on board, all will be well, If not, then I know many of my fellow Army aviators that have gone through some bad times related to their flying and career choices. Best wishes to you. Paul I wish you and your wife all the best Paul. -- Dudley Henriques |
#9
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My wife getting scared
On 10/1/2007 5:42:34 PM, "Paul Riley" wrote:
I retired from the Army in 1978. I have not flown since. Not because she wanted me to stop, my decision. Financial, with 2 kids in college, and then, after final retirement, our desire to travel, flying was not economically something I wanted to do that might prevent OUR enjoying retirement activities She is now an invalid, and I am her caregiver, a task I take on willingly out of love. I can never repay her for the support she has given me all these years, but I try. There are some people, even on Usenet, that just exude class and honor. Paul, IMO you are one such gentleman. -- Peter |
#10
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My wife getting scared
"Peter R." wrote in message
... On 10/1/2007 5:42:34 PM, "Paul Riley" wrote: I retired from the Army in 1978. I have not flown since. Not because she wanted me to stop, my decision. Financial, with 2 kids in college, and then, after final retirement, our desire to travel, flying was not economically something I wanted to do that might prevent OUR enjoying retirement activities She is now an invalid, and I am her caregiver, a task I take on willingly out of love. I can never repay her for the support she has given me all these years, but I try. There are some people, even on Usenet, that just exude class and honor. Paul, IMO you are one such gentleman. -- Peter Thanks Peter, I am sure there are many others doing the exact same thing I am. My reason for posting was to let the OP know that wives do adapt and become helpmates as well as to confirm, from my own experience, all that Dudley said. Regards, Paul |
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