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Sea Story For Woody
Since Woody just asked for sea stories, I'll try to oblige. Unfortunately
this one came to me third or fourth-hand, so its provenance is uncertain, thus the customary "TINS" acronym will be omitted. -- Mike Kanze "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again." - NBC softball analyst at the 2004 Summer Olympics (This one earned the Yogi Berra Award.) *** "This is a good story particularly if you lust over mixed metaphors. This is from a colorful writer from the 1st Marine Air Wing based at MCAS Miramar. "There I was at six thousand feet over central Iraq, two hundred eighty knots and we're dropping faster than Paris Hilton's panties. It's a typical September evening in the Persian Gulf; hotter than a rectal thermometer and I'm sweating like a [pedophile] at a Cub Scout meeting... "But that's neither here nor there. The night is moonless over Baghdad tonight, and blacker than a Steven King novel. But it's 2004, folks, and I'm sporting the latest in night-combat technology. Namely, hand-me-down night vision goggles (NVGs) thrown out by the fighter boys. Additionally, my 1962 Lockheed C-130E Hercules is equipped with an obsolete, yet, semi-effective missile warning system (MWS). The MWS conveniently makes a nice soothing tone in your headset just before the missile explodes into your airplane. Who says you can't polish a turd? "At any rate, the NVGs are illuminating Baghdad International Airport like the Las Vegas Strip during a Mike Tyson fight. These NVGs are the cat's ass. "But I've digressed. "The preferred method of approach tonight is the random shallow. This tactical maneuver allows the pilot to ingress the landing zone in an unpredictable manner, thus exploiting the supposedly secured perimeter of the airfield in an attempt to avoid enemy surface-to-air-missiles and small arms fire. Personally, I wouldn't bet my pink ass on that theory but the approach is fun as hell and that's the real reason we fly it. "We get a visual on the runway at three miles out, drop down to one thousand feet above the ground, still maintaining two hundred eighty knots. Now the fun starts. It's pilot appreciation time as I descend the mighty Herk to six hundred feet and smoothly, yet very deliberately, yank into a sixty degree left bank, turning the aircraft ninety degrees offset from runway heading. As soon as we roll out of the turn, I reverse turn to the right a full two hundred seventy degrees in order to roll out aligned with the runway. Some aeronautical genius coined this maneuver the " Ninety / Two-Seventy." Chopping the power during the turn, I pull back on the yoke just to the point my nether regions start to sag, bleeding off energy in order to configure the pig for landing. "'Flaps Fifty!, Landing Gear Down!, Before Landing Checklist!' I look over at the copilot and he's shaking like a cat ****ting on a sheet of ice. Looking further back at the navigator, and even through the NVGs, I can clearly see the wet spot spreading around his crotch. "Finally, I glance at my steely-eyed flight engineer. His eyebrows rise in unison as a grin forms on his face. I can tell he's thinking the same thing I am, 'Where do we find such fine young men?' "'Flaps One Hundred!' I bark at the shaking cat. Now it's all aimpoint and airspeed. Aviation 101, with the exception there are no lights, I'm on NVGs, it's Baghdad, and now tracers are starting to crisscross the black sky. "Naturally, and not at all surprisingly, I grease the Goodyears on brick-one of runway 33 left, bring the throttles to ground idle and then force the props to full reverse pitch. Tonight, the sound of freedom is my four Hamilton Standard propellers chewing through the thick, putrid, Baghdad air. The huge, one hundred thirty thousand pound, lumbering whisper pig comes to a lurching stop in less than two thousand feet. Let's see a Viper do that! "We exit the runway to a welcoming committee of government issued Army grunts. It's time to download their beans and bullets and letters from their sweethearts, look for war booty, and of course, urinate on Saddam's home. "Walking down the crew entry steps with my lowest-bidder, Beretta 92F, 9 millimeter strapped smartly to my side, I look around and thank God, not Allah, I'm an American and I'm on the winning team. Then I thank God I'm not in the Army. "Knowing once again I've cheated death, I ask myself, 'What in the hell am I doing in this mess?' Is it Duty, Honor, and Country? You bet your ass. Or could it possibly be for the glory, the swag, and not to mention, chicks dig the Air Medal. There's probably some truth there too. But now is not the time to derive the complexities of the superior, cerebral properties of the human portion of the aviator-man-machine model. It is however, time to get out of this ****-hole . "'Hey copilot clean yourself up! And how's 'bout the Before Starting Engines Checklist?' "God, I love this job!" |
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On 9/8/04 8:11 AM, in article ,
"Allen Epps" wrote: In article , Doug \"Woody\" and Erin Beal wrote: SNIP Last I heard, Rooster was flying for United. --Woody But he got a nice fruit basket I talked to him at party at a mutual friends house at NUW one night, nice guy and his wife is a hell of an opera singer. Pugs Yes, I concur. Great guy. Great American. It was my impression that he was on the A-track until this incident. --Woody |
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Woody,
The way the pattern was designed, the CIWS wasn't SUPPOSED to be hot until after the aircraft passed over the ship (perpendicular to the ship's course). Clearly, Murphy-san was on duty that day. Some random rhetoricals, all made without any knowledge of the situational details: * Thoroughness of the brief? (Especially when more than one language is involved.) * Right training device for the exercise? * Pre-exercise affirmative demonstrated knowledge of range safety procedures by all involved - in English? * Cockpit indications of being high-PRF painted BEFORE the "in hot" call? (If I had seen high-PRF before "in hot" I would have broken off immediately and started shouting on Guard.) * Wx and viz conditions appropriate to the exercise? * And so on... The answers are there, and you don't need the Home Depot guy to find them. -- Mike Kanze "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again." - NBC softball analyst at the 2004 Summer Olympics (This one earned the Yogi Berra Award.) "Doug "Woody" and Erin Beal" wrote in message ... On 9/8/04 1:16 PM, in article , "Mike Kanze" wrote: Woody, I remember reading about this one, although not in the detail you shared. IIRC, wasn't this the very last A-6 operational loss? Owl's rant on target-towing: It's bad enough when humans are aiming the guns. GMGSN Murphy - and his JMSDF equivalent - crews every battery. To someone like me schooled in the quirks of radars and black boxes it's just plain lunacy to send a manned aircraft past a hot CIWS. You KNOW the radar's gonna go for the most significant return up there. From time to time this won't be the TDU. In Rooster's case it was that big ol' flying drumstick. Good rant. The way the pattern was designed, the CIWS wasn't SUPPOSED to be hot until after the aircraft passed over the ship (perpendicular to the ship's course). THEN and only then was the ship permitted to arm the gun and take the targeting radar out of standby--at least that's the way I understood the process. Obviously, the knucklehead-sans on the Yuguuri (?) didn't totally understand the process. We took revenge later by taking out one of their fishing traulers with a sub. The concept of the mission did make the hair stand up on the back of my neck a bit, but I personally never had a bad experience with it, and I don't remember of any other except for this one. These days, I think they use contracted Lears to do the job. I've never seen a pod mounted on an S-3 or a Hornet. As an aside, I know that the CIWS was a really good shot. I never reeled a target back in. Or maybe this was just payback to the account of someone's WWII-era ancestor. Last I heard, Rooster was flying for United. Hope Rooster has a secure alternative for his pension. Owl sends. Amen. --Woody |
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In article , Mike Kanze
wrote: Woody, The way the pattern was designed, the CIWS wasn't SUPPOSED to be hot until after the aircraft passed over the ship (perpendicular to the ship's course). Clearly, Murphy-san was on duty that day. Some random rhetoricals, all made without any knowledge of the situational details: snipped * Cockpit indications of being high-PRF painted BEFORE the "in hot" call? (If I had seen high-PRF before "in hot" I would have broken off immediately and started shouting on Guard.) snipped The answers are there, and you don't need the Home Depot guy to find them. Not to disclose anything but IIRC the Cheeze-wiz radar is way up beyond the ECM reception range in the 'truder (and certainly the other fighitng drumstick the Prowler) Pugs |
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Pugs,
Not to disclose anything but IIRC the Cheeze-wiz radar is way up beyond the ECM reception range in the 'truder (and certainly the other fighitng drumstick the Prowler) Wouldn't surprise me. Add to my list of rhetoricals: * Can we effectively counter our OWN weapons in a training situation - or otherwise? Not an idle question, given the propensity for our stuff to wind up in other folks' hands - like A-4s to the Argentines (the Brits must have loved us for that one), Stingers to the Afghan guerillas or F-14s to the Shah. Example: During the VN war, a barely feet-dry A-6B pickled a Shrike at a NVN SAM site. The Shrike made for the juiciest emitter it could detect - which was NOT the FanSong but the PIRAZ small boy sitting out in the Gulf of Tonkin. Only the quick action of RED CROWN shutting down all its radars saved it. This incident led to the "no turn shots" rule which the A-6Bs followed from thereafter. (The passage of time has made me fuzzy on the precise details of this one. Better info invited.) Too bad CIWS is not optically-guided. The Intruder's sheer ugliness would have frustrated acquisition by the R2D2-san. g -- Mike Kanze "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again." - NBC softball analyst at the 2004 Summer Olympics (This one earned the Yogi Berra Award.) "Allen Epps" wrote in message et... In article , Mike Kanze wrote: Woody, The way the pattern was designed, the CIWS wasn't SUPPOSED to be hot until after the aircraft passed over the ship (perpendicular to the ship's course). Clearly, Murphy-san was on duty that day. Some random rhetoricals, all made without any knowledge of the situational details: snipped * Cockpit indications of being high-PRF painted BEFORE the "in hot" call? (If I had seen high-PRF before "in hot" I would have broken off immediately and started shouting on Guard.) snipped The answers are there, and you don't need the Home Depot guy to find them. Not to disclose anything but IIRC the Cheeze-wiz radar is way up beyond the ECM reception range in the 'truder (and certainly the other fighitng drumstick the Prowler) Pugs |
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"Mike Kanze" wrote...
The way the pattern was designed, the CIWS wasn't SUPPOSED to be hot until after the aircraft passed over the ship (perpendicular to the ship's course). Clearly, Murphy-san was on duty that day. I spent 3 years towing targets at in A-4s at VC-8 in the late 70s, and a little bit in A-6s at VA-165 in the late 80s. We briefed with all sorts of NATO ships shooting all sorts of guns. IIRC, CIWS was just in OPEVAL while I was at VC-8, and we were among the first to drag TDUs for them. I've only seen or heard of a couple early shots (none with CIWS, except that Japanese one) in all that time... Some random rhetoricals, all made without any knowledge of the situational details: * Thoroughness of the brief? (Especially when more than one language is involved.) Probably not a factor. The early shots I am familiar with were after briefings just as thorough as any other. More likely a cowboy gun boss or Ops O. * Pre-exercise affirmative demonstrated knowledge of range safety procedures by all involved - in English? Again, not usually a factor. All exercises I participated in had English-speaking attendees for all briefings. Things like "Don't shoot until the aircraft calls 'Cleared to fire'!" and accompanying diagrams on the chalkboard showing the tow airplane overhead the ship were standard and well understood. * And so on... The answers are there, and you don't need the Home Depot guy to find them. I haven't read the report of the Japanese incident, but it was an anomaly if those were factors. |
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