Round Engines

DEDICATED TO ALL WHO FLEW BEHIND ROUND ENGINES

We gotta get rid of those turbines, they're ruining aviation and our
hearing...

A turbine is too simple minded, it has no mystery. The air travels through
it in a straight line and doesn't pick up any of the pungent fragrance of
engine oil or pilot sweat.

Anybody can start a turbine. You just need to move a switch from "OFF" to
"START" and then remember to move it back to "ON" after a while. My PC is
harder to start.

Cranking a round engine requires skill, finesse and style. You have to
seduce it into starting. It's like waking up a horny mistress. On some
planes, the pilots aren't even allowed to do it...

Turbines start by whining for a while, then give a lady-like poof and start
whining a little louder.

Round engines give a satisfying rattle-rattle, click-click, BANG, more
rattles, another BANG, a big macho FART or two, more clicks, a lot more
smoke and finally a serious low pitched roar. We like that. It's a GUY
thing...

When you start a round engine, your mind is engaged and you can concentrate
on the flight ahead. Starting a turbine is like flicking on a ceiling fan:
Useful, but, hardly exciting.

When you have started his round engine successfully your crew chief looks up
at you like he'd let you kiss his girl too!

Turbines don't break or catch fire often enough, leading to aircrew boredom,
complacency and inattention.

A round engine at speed looks and sounds like it's going to blow any minute.
This helps concentrate the mind !

Turbines don't have enough control levers or gauges to keep a pilot's
attention. There's nothing to fiddle with during long flights.

Turbines smell like a Boy Scout camp full of Coleman Lamps. Round engines
smell like God intended machines to smell.

Pass this on to an old WWII pilot (or his son who flew them in Vietnam) in
remembrance of that "Greatest Generation"

--

Love it! Thanks.

--
Mike Kanze

"The nation that will insist upon drawing a broad line of demarcation
between the fighting man and the thinking man is liable to find its fighting
done by fools and its thinking by cowards."

- Sir William Francis Butler

"Voxpopuli" wrote in message
...
DEDICATED TO ALL WHO FLEW BEHIND ROUND ENGINES

We gotta get rid of those turbines, they're ruining aviation and our
hearing...

A turbine is too simple minded, it has no mystery. The air travels through
it in a straight line and doesn't pick up any of the pungent fragrance of
engine oil or pilot sweat.

Anybody can start a turbine. You just need to move a switch from "OFF" to
"START" and then remember to move it back to "ON" after a while. My PC is
harder to start.

Cranking a round engine requires skill, finesse and style. You have to
seduce it into starting. It's like waking up a horny mistress. On some
planes, the pilots aren't even allowed to do it...

Turbines start by whining for a while, then give a lady-like poof and
start
whining a little louder.

Round engines give a satisfying rattle-rattle, click-click, BANG, more
rattles, another BANG, a big macho FART or two, more clicks, a lot more
smoke and finally a serious low pitched roar. We like that. It's a GUY
thing...

When you start a round engine, your mind is engaged and you can
concentrate
on the flight ahead. Starting a turbine is like flicking on a ceiling fan:
Useful, but, hardly exciting.

When you have started his round engine successfully your crew chief looks
up
at you like he'd let you kiss his girl too!

Turbines don't break or catch fire often enough, leading to aircrew
boredom,
complacency and inattention.

A round engine at speed looks and sounds like it's going to blow any
minute.
This helps concentrate the mind !

Turbines don't have enough control levers or gauges to keep a pilot's
attention. There's nothing to fiddle with during long flights.

Turbines smell like a Boy Scout camp full of Coleman Lamps. Round engines
smell like God intended machines to smell.

Pass this on to an old WWII pilot (or his son who flew them in Vietnam) in
remembrance of that "Greatest Generation"

--

Round engines give a satisfying rattle-rattle, click-click, BANG, more
rattles, another BANG, a big macho FART or two, more clicks, a lot more
smoke and finally a serious low pitched roar.

I spent more than a thousand hours sitting BETWEEN, not behind, two
PW R-2800s. They ran fine, never quit till I cut the mixtures; but
left me with a hearing loss.

I can still pass the FAA medical but can't understand what the pretty
girls are saying at cocktail parties.

vince norris

"vincent p. norris" wrote in message @4ax.com...
Round engines give a satisfying rattle-rattle, click-click, BANG, more
rattles, another BANG, a big macho FART or two, more clicks, a lot more
smoke and finally a serious low pitched roar.

I spent more than a thousand hours sitting BETWEEN, not behind, two
PW R-2800s. They ran fine, never quit till I cut the mixtures; but
left me with a hearing loss.

I can still pass the FAA medical but can't understand what the pretty
girls are saying at cocktail parties.

vince norris

Now that I wear hearing aids, after almost
15000 hours as PIC, I wonder why the Ground crew always had ear protection
but none was provided for\the pilots?

vincent p. norris wrote:

Round engines give a satisfying rattle-rattle, click-click, BANG, more
rattles, another BANG, a big macho FART or two, more clicks, a lot more
smoke and finally a serious low pitched roar.

I spent more than a thousand hours sitting BETWEEN, not behind, two
PW R-2800s. They ran fine, never quit till I cut the mixtures; but
left me with a hearing loss.

I can still pass the FAA medical but can't understand what the pretty
girls are saying at cocktail parties.

vince norris

I know how you feel Vince!...I sat behind 4 Wright R-3350's for
many thousands of hours...a really good engine, but noisy...the
Canadian Gov't pays me near a kilobuck (tax-free) a month for
what they consider a 35% hearing disability...the check is nice
but I'd forego it in a heartbeat for normal hearing...
--


-Gord.

"I'm trying to get as old as I can,
and it must be working 'cause I'm
the oldest now that I've ever been"

"Voxpopuli" wrote:


"vincent p. norris" wrote in message @4ax.com...
Round engines give a satisfying rattle-rattle, click-click, BANG, more
rattles, another BANG, a big macho FART or two, more clicks, a lot more
smoke and finally a serious low pitched roar.

I spent more than a thousand hours sitting BETWEEN, not behind, two
PW R-2800s. They ran fine, never quit till I cut the mixtures; but
left me with a hearing loss.

I can still pass the FAA medical but can't understand what the pretty
girls are saying at cocktail parties.

vince norris

Now that I wear hearing aids, after almost
15000 hours as PIC, I wonder why the Ground crew always had ear protection
but none was provided for\the pilots?


Because the groundcrew will be in the cocktail bars listening to
the pretty girls talking while the pilots are out pounding around
the Atlantic doing ASW things and don't need to hear the pretty
girls?...
--


-Gord.

"I'm trying to get as old as I can,
and it must be working 'cause I'm
the oldest now that I've ever been"

On Thu, 26 May 2005 20:44:22 -0400, vincent p. norris
wrote:

Round engines give a satisfying rattle-rattle, click-click, BANG, more
rattles, another BANG, a big macho FART or two, more clicks, a lot more
smoke and finally a serious low pitched roar.

I spent more than a thousand hours sitting BETWEEN, not behind, two
PW R-2800s. They ran fine, never quit till I cut the mixtures; but
left me with a hearing loss.

For me it was R-1820s. Lots of noise, though! :-)

I can still pass the FAA medical but can't understand what the pretty
girls are saying at cocktail parties.

Yeah, but aren't pretty girls suckers for war heros with crippling
disabilties?!?!?!?! ;-)

Bill Kambic

P.S. Also works if you marry one of 'em and have difficulties
understanding the "honey do" list!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On Thu, 26 May 2005 22:46:26 -0400, wrote:

On Thu, 26 May 2005 20:44:22 -0400, vincent p. norris
wrote:

Round engines give a satisfying rattle-rattle, click-click, BANG, more
rattles, another BANG, a big macho FART or two, more clicks, a lot more
smoke and finally a serious low pitched roar.

I spent more than a thousand hours sitting BETWEEN, not behind, two
PW R-2800s. They ran fine, never quit till I cut the mixtures; but
left me with a hearing loss.

For me it was R-1820s. Lots of noise, though! :-)
Are you an ex-Stoof guy Bill?
Regards,


I can still pass the FAA medical but can't understand what the pretty
girls are saying at cocktail parties.

Yeah, but aren't pretty girls suckers for war heros with crippling
disabilties?!?!?!?! ;-)

Bill Kambic

P.S. Also works if you marry one of 'em and have difficulties
understanding the "honey do" list!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The "Round Engines" rant has been around since June of 2002.

It has been somewhat modified over this period.

The excellent line about kissing the FE's girl was added.

In a clearly unfortunate edit/typo, "ladylike poot" became "ladylike poof",
which is not at all the same thing.

Also, several lines in the original that made it even more obvious that this
was a nonserious post were deleted.

And of course, in the piratical world of newsgroups, the name of the
original author was quickly deleted as the post was forwarded all over the
net.

Now THAT ****es me off a bit!

Bob McKellar

"Bob McKellar" wrote in message
...
The "Round Engines" rant has been around since June of 2002.

It has been somewhat modified over this period.

The excellent line about kissing the FE's girl was added.

In a clearly unfortunate edit/typo, "ladylike poot" became "ladylike
poof", which is not at all the same thing.

Also, several lines in the original that made it even more obvious that
this was a nonserious post were deleted.

And of course, in the piratical world of newsgroups, the name of the
original author was quickly deleted as the post was forwarded all over the
net.

Now THAT ****es me off a bit!

Bob McKellar
HI Bob

do you still have the original that you can post for us


--

Richard

In general the good luck follows the daring, those who are more risk averse
tend not to get the same lucky breaks.

Peter McLelland
s.m.n 2 February 2005