How Aircraft Stay In The Air

"Sarah Hotdesking" wrote in message ...
I received this today:-

There are still people in this company who think we weigh aircraft to find
out how much they weigh, not to calculate stresses. Of course we need to
know how much the thing weighs. How are we ever going to know how many
Thrust Pixies we need to get the thing off the ground if we don't know the
weight? Or should that be "Lift Demons"? Pixies have largely fallen into
disrepute - something about Bernoulli not being representative in unbounded
conditions and cause and effect being transposed in the Newtonian model.

In fact the use of Lift Demons on civil aircraft programmes is generally not
that good an idea. The Demon binding contract tends to specify payment in
blood or souls. This is readily achievable with aircraft of military
function, but frowned upon in civilian circles as they may attempt to
acquire payment outside of the terms of their binding contract. Lift Demons
are not used on Elf bombers. We don't talk about Lift Pixies too often as it
seems to upset the self-loading cargo.

Pixies require payment in cakes, flowers or nice thoughts. These are readily
sourced either from the in-flight catering, or provided cost-free by the
passengers. Clearly this would not work well within an operational military
environment. Air force cooking is not renowned for the "light and fluffy
texture" that Thrust Pixies demand, the availability of flowers might be
problematic in desert operations, and nice thoughts may also be hard to find
during times of active operations.

There is also a scalability issue. While one rampant Lift Demon would have
few problems supporting a fighter aircraft (particularly if there is an
immediate prospect of blood), it'll struggle to achieve level controlled
flight of a 560tonne Airbus A380. Use of more than one Lift Demon on the
same flight vehicle is contra-indicated (they squabble and eat each other).
Communities of Thrust Pixies can be encouraged to work together on the same
aircraft by the provision of advanced technologies such as Lemon fondant
icing, variegated tulips or in-flight romantic comedies.

Ryanair once requested Leprachauns be installed in place of Lift Pixies, but
leprechauns have a mission statement which indicates their desire for
monetary gain, and their willingness to search all over the world for it.
This makes Lift Leprechauns expensive to keep (gold vs lemon fondant icing),
and makes it difficult to establish a regular route network as the Lift
Leprechauns don't like to continuously visit the same locations. By law,
aircraft also have to have a full complement of In-Flight Gremlins, but
these are generally not a problem unless you feed the Wingtip Vortex Faeries
after midnight.


No one seems to have mentioned the method used by contract air
services in WestPac in the 1960s. I flew from Tachikawa to Hong Kong
and the pilot assured us upon landing that we would awaken and
remember only a very pleasant trip and would empty our wallets into
the container held by the hostesses as we left the airplane.

Duke of URL wrote:

In ,
Sarah Hotdesking radiated
into the WorldWideWait:

WTH is Chicken Tikka Masala?

Not *actually* strictly curry - but you get the idea ? The sauce is kinda
violently colourful. It stains things wonderfully too.

Is that anything like Buffalo Wings?

Buffalos have wings ? Do they fly too ?


Graham :-)

"Duke of URL" macbenahATkdsiDOTnet wrote in message ...
In om,
George radiated into the WorldWideWait:

"Duke of URL" macbenahATkdsiDOTnet wrote in message
...
In ,
Sarah Hotdesking
radiated into the WorldWideWait:
"Tank Fixer" wrote in message
k.net...
In article ,
on Sat, 28 Feb 2004 18:11:26 -0000,
Sarah Hotdesking
attempted to say .....

"Jim Watt" wrote

Are Harriers equipped with sirens?

No - they are an ill-advised experiment in using water nymphs.

Only on the Sea Harriers.

Which is a type of submarine, right? We're getting into mermaids
now (yes, I know, there are probably quite a few of you who
wouldn't mind getting into mermaids if you could only work out how

Heh. Ahem. It's a myth that the fish-part starts at the *navel*...
Why did you think so many of us put in a career at sea?

And we're not going to mention navel stokers we're not :-)

No, certainly not.

And especially not knotted navel stokers in the dogs
couldn't resist the pun

"Duke of URL" macbenahATkdsiDOTnet wrote in message
...
In ,
Sarah Hotdesking radiated
into the WorldWideWait:

WTH is Chicken Tikka Masala? Is that anything like Buffalo Wings?

Chicken Tikka Masala (CTM) is apparently the most requested (I nearly
said popular) dish served in Indian-restaurants in the UK. The dish is
reputed to have originated in the midlands when a Brummie asked the
waiter for some sauce for the diner's rather dry roast chicken pieces.
The resultant dish became famous, now appears on the menu in almost
every Indian-Takeaway outlet and can be found in the instant-meal
section of supermarkets. AIUI, the dish is now exported to the Indian
subcontinent itself!

CTM could be regarded as a culinary disaster and many military(aviators)
and matelots consume vast quantities on runs ashore.

HTH

--

Brian

In ,
Pooh Bear radiated into the
WorldWideWait:
Duke of URL wrote:

WTH is Chicken Tikka Masala?

Not *actually* strictly curry - but you get the idea? The sauce is
kinda violently colourful. It stains things wonderfully too.

Oh yes - that gives a *very* impressive image!

Is that anything like Buffalo Wings?

Buffalos have wings? Do they fly too ?

Only the ones from New York.
--
From the one-and-only Holy Moses®

"Brian Sharrock" wrote in message ...
"Duke of URL" macbenahATkdsiDOTnet wrote in message
...
In ,
Sarah Hotdesking radiated
into the WorldWideWait:

WTH is Chicken Tikka Masala? Is that anything like Buffalo Wings?

Chicken Tikka Masala (CTM) is apparently the most requested (I nearly
said popular) dish served in Indian-restaurants in the UK. The dish is
reputed to have originated in the midlands when a Brummie asked the
waiter for some sauce for the diner's rather dry roast chicken pieces.
The resultant dish became famous, now appears on the menu in almost
every Indian-Takeaway outlet and can be found in the instant-meal
section of supermarkets. AIUI, the dish is now exported to the Indian
subcontinent itself!

CTM could be regarded as a culinary disaster and many military(aviators)
and matelots consume vast quantities on runs ashore.



For those lucky enough to find theselves in Tokyo and in need of a
real spicy food fix may I recommend the Restaurant Ajanta? Try the dry
minced curry (Called Chicken Korma in the rest of the world) and be
very careful if you are offered what appears to be an innocent
marinated vegetable salad. http://www.ajanta.co.jp/index-e.html They
used to be in a little hole-in-the wall near the Indian Embassy but
from their ad now seem to have gone high-rise.

"Sarah Hotdesking" wrote in message ...
"Fred J. McCall" wrote
Which brings us to the unofficial motto where I work:

Let The Pigs Fly!

At the risk of starting a motto competition:

"All pigs fed and ready to fly"

"Cry havoc and let fly the pigs of war" (military aerospace company)

"We're going full boar"

I was tempted to make jokes about boarsight, but it might turn sow-er and
then I'd feel gilt-y.

It would appear that the Jim Henson Muppet Show "Pigs in Space"
continuing skit about the Starship Swine Trek made it to Angli-terre.

JIM HENSON'S MUPPETS: PIGS IN SPACE DELUXE PLAYSET
If any single skit from The Muppet Show leaps to mind when thinking
about the glory days of the show, it is Pigs in Space! Featuring Capt.
Link Hogthrob, Dr. Strangepork (Series 4), and First Mate Piggy, Pigs
in Space chronicled the adventures of the crew of the Swine Trek on
all sorts of wacky adventures! This deluxe playset captures all of the
details from the bridge of the Swine Trek, and then some! All the
chairs swivel and move forward and backward; all the levers move; the
TV consoles swivel and are removable; the doors open and close with
spring-loaded action; and the walls swivel back and forth to increase
the size of the play area. The Viewscreen is interchangeable, with six
different options for display and fun. With the extra consoles and
parts, you can mix and match and create new bridge sections, a
one-eyed robot, and much, much more! Includes and exclusive First Mate
Piggy action figure, with a new likeness and 14 points of
articulation. Window box packaging.

JIM HENSON'S MUPPETS: PIGS IN SPACE DELUXE PLAYSET

Price: £34.95

(Jack Linthicum) slimed:

"Sarah Hotdesking" wrote in message ...
"Fred J. McCall" wrote
Which brings us to the unofficial motto where I work:

Let The Pigs Fly!

At the risk of starting a motto competition:

"All pigs fed and ready to fly"

"Cry havoc and let fly the pigs of war" (military aerospace company)

"We're going full boar"

I was tempted to make jokes about boarsight, but it might turn sow-er and
then I'd feel gilt-y.

It would appear that the Jim Henson Muppet Show "Pigs in Space"
continuing skit about the Starship Swine Trek made it to Angli-terre.

JIM HENSON'S MUPPETS: PIGS IN SPACE DELUXE PLAYSET
If any single skit from The Muppet Show leaps to mind when thinking
about the glory days of the show, it is Pigs in Space! Featuring Capt.
Link Hogthrob, Dr. Strangepork (Series 4), and First Mate Piggy, Pigs
in Space chronicled the adventures of the crew of the Swine Trek on

'Bet you got a kick out of that, eh, slimeboy.

Grantland

"Brian Sharrock" wrote

Chicken Tikka Masala (CTM) is apparently the most requested (I nearly
said popular) dish served in Indian-restaurants in the UK. The dish is
reputed to have originated in the midlands when a Brummie asked the
waiter for some sauce for the diner's rather dry roast chicken pieces.

I heard that it originated on Manchester's "Curry Mile"; same story
about wanting sauce (a result of Brits liking gravy with their meat),
but allegedly the sauce was made using Campbell's tomato soup and
curry spices.

The resultant dish became famous, now appears on the menu in almost
every Indian-Takeaway outlet and can be found in the instant-meal
section of supermarkets. AIUI, the dish is now exported to the Indian
subcontinent itself!

Birmingham is the home of Balti, also exported and found in the
ready-meals chilled cabinets the length and breadth of Britain.
However balti lacks the staining power of a relly good tikka masala
and is less useful in feline propulsion units.

I'm advised that many instances of civil planes mysteriously falling
out of the sky can be traced to (a) cessation of happy thoughts/lack
of lemon fondant for the pixies or to (b) a large amount of happy
thoughts/gateau mountain at ground level distracting the pixies from
their task. This may, of course, be utter hogwash, but then we'd be
back to the flying pigs ....

"Duke of URL" macbenahATkdsiDOTnet wrote in message ...
In ,
Sarah Hotdesking radiated
into the WorldWideWait:

WTH is Chicken Tikka Masala? Is that anything like Buffalo Wings?

mild indian dish, which of course everyone knows that traditional
english food is indian.

another variation of the dish, which is often found in less reputable
resteraunts is the "kitten tikka masala"