A aviation & planes forum. AviationBanter

If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

Go Back   Home » AviationBanter forum » rec.aviation newsgroups » Soaring
Site Map Home Register Authors List Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read Web Partners

Condom catheter vs Depends Diaper?



 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old June 19th 11, 12:59 AM
Walt Connelly Walt Connelly is offline
Senior Member
 
First recorded activity by AviationBanter: Aug 2010
Posts: 365
Default Condom catheter vs Depends Diaper?

(I thought I had posted this but perhaps I was mistaken)


Having decided that my next achievement in the world of soaring will the be the 5 hour Silver Duration flight, I have come to realize that I need to further investigate some of the potential obstacles to staying aloft such as butt and back comfort and the need to relieve ones self while aloft. I believe I have achieved a reasonable degree of comfort with astronaut foam and a lumbar pad in my chute which should make the seating tolerable in the venerable old SGS 1-34. It’s the potential need for passage of ones bodily excretions which concerns me. The condom catheter allows for only one of these substances, the other being the always enjoyable “number two.” Read on my friends.

I had a somewhat uncomfortable moment the other day during a rather long ride on my motorcycle. I had taken a dose of “super colon cleanse” the day before my trip and for the first time since I taught myself how to snap roll an airplane, (accidently) I felt the need to evacuate come on without warning. This is not a welcome feeling on a Harley Davidson Softail Springer riding down the interstate, flying your colors among the truckers, traveling salesmen and families headed to see the mouse or grandma. Of course there is no facility at which one could stop to relieve ones self so it’s brake hard, get off the fast lane, kick stand down and run for the woods. Unfortunately the section of interstate I was on had a tall chain link fence between the road and the tree line so I had to do the big cheek squeeze until an acceptable level of cover was available. Note, the HD Softail Springer will do the ton, but just barely.

An acceptable area encountered I found myself sprinting for cover like a grunt in the ‘Nam taking fire. (I’ve never done that myself, I was usually securely fastened to a seat with my flight jacket over my head trying to sleep in those days.) Of course as one would expect, this is the time when the zipper on your Levis decides to be less than cooperative but strength prevailed and the mission was accomplished. (Note that if one drops ones skivvies and squats, one would be squatting directly over ones skivvies. Ones bodily excretions would then be dropped directly into where one did not want to drop said excretions, ‘nuff said) Now I am not one to think far enough ahead to bring the Charmin with me so if you don’t wish to reach for that which mother nature provides, one must improvise or risk smelling like Uncle Bob at the nursing home for the rest of the day.

As I exit my improvised latrine minus one sock I see that one of Florida’s finest has stopped to admire the chrome on my bike, my thoughts of acquiring athlete’s butt quickly fade. I am closing from his six so I decide to politely announce my presence which results in his wheeling 180 degrees with his hand on his piece. I’m not saying that Matt Dillon was out of shape but I noticed that I could not see his belt buckle for his massive abdominal girth. This would be one of those folks who would be told at the glider port that he could not ride in the glider because: (a) the weight and balance would not permit it, (b) the seat belt would not fit around him or (c) the canopy would not close. You pick it, they’re all reasonable. I was asked what I was doing and without an opportunity to reply was informed that it is “unlawful to stop, stand or park, either attended or unattended on the right of way for any reason except for an emergency.” I explained the reason for my transgression to which he replied, “you need to plan for those things in advance.” Well, in my 60 years on this planet I have never planned, scheduled or in anyway known, suspected or estimated when colonic peristalsis would announce itself. After a review of my license and registration I was allowed to proceed on my way with Matt following close behind to see if I would exceed the posted speed limit. I was surprised that he did not ticket me for doing what the wild bears do.

So here’s the question. Wouldn’t a diaper be a better idea than a condom cather? It would allow for both forms of bodily excretions to be handled with one apparatus. Now nothing is perfect, an acceptable manner of disposal would be necessary and I am sure that the local glider port personnel would not appreciate an adult diaper chock full of adult excretions smelling up the bathroom. Let’s face it, the more experienced participants in the glider community are by my observations older than myself. Some of you might even resort to these accoutrements on a daily basis like driving to and from the glider port or perhaps at night to avoid waking up the boss when the need arrives. (I make these comments with all the respect, admiration and humor that I can muster.) I understand that some of the early astronauts were pioneers in pooping aloft in an adult diaper. Gordo Cooper even did the big number one (sans diaper) prior to blast off and I am confident that at least once during such a moment someone did the big number two, I know I would.

So what say you my fellow participants in dancing with the clouds? Surely someone must have dropped a log during a multi glider thermal? Perhaps a near miss which is also a near hit evoked the need? I guess the moral of the story is to not take a dose of Super Colon Cleanse the day before a big event, I have learned my lesson. Your advice as to brand, comfort and utility would be greatly appreciated.

Walt
 




Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Peeing in a condom catheter with a leg bag, David Sedaris has a humorous take on it. harold Soaring 23 January 3rd 09 10:50 PM
Catheter question 303SAM Soaring 18 May 15th 06 08:10 AM
Catheter Stories -- Add your own 01-- Zero One Soaring 3 April 27th 06 03:52 AM
It all depends on what the definition of "cloud" is... Geoffrey Barnes Piloting 10 August 26th 04 06:57 PM


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 05:57 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright ©2004-2024 AviationBanter.
The comments are property of their posters.