Funny Radio isums...

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I'm working my way through my IFR training...
Today on the radio "79V switch to 134.0"

Where I dial in 134.0 on the toggle freq acknolege the request
switch to COM2 (Meant to hit toggle)
Annonced that I was checking in....
At which point ground control (from where I'd left 15 min ago)
tells me they don't know why I'm calling..... with laughter.

I realise that this in only slightly funny, but makes me wonder
what is the funnyist thing you have ever heard on the radio?


Paul

[Ross Richardson]

When ATC gave a 800 # to a pilot in the air about his IFR flight plan
and his procedures. The pilot probably didn't laugh.

wrote:
>
> I'm working my way through my IFR training...
> Today on the radio "79V switch to 134.0"
>
> Where I dial in 134.0 on the toggle freq acknolege the request
> switch to COM2 (Meant to hit toggle)
> Annonced that I was checking in....
> At which point ground control (from where I'd left 15 min ago)
> tells me they don't know why I'm calling..... with laughter.
>
> I realise that this in only slightly funny, but makes me wonder
> what is the funnyist thing you have ever heard on the radio?
>
> Paul

[vincent p. norris]

>what is the funnyist thing you have ever heard on the radio?

Fifteen or more years ago, Clearance Delivery at DCA rattled off at
high speed a lengthy clearance with several turns, altitudes and
fixes.

After a pause, a voice came on in a Texas drawl and said,

"Now, why don't y'all jus say all that again, real slow, as if it
mattered."

There was funny one on the net not long ago. An airliner pilot took a
wrong turn on a taxiway. A female ground controller read the riot act
to him. Chewed him out good.

All was quiet on the freq till a male voice came on, "Say, wasn't I
married to you once?"

vince norris

[Snowbird]

wrote in message >...

> I realise that this in only slightly funny, but makes me wonder
> what is the funnyist thing you have ever heard on the radio?

My personal funniest malapropism to date was one time when
the Tower asked if I had my landing light turned on. I
replied I had everything turned on, then realized what I'd
said by the gale of backround laughter over the controller's
dry "roger".

Guyzzzz!

The funniest thing I heard was one time when I was getting
some kind of feedback squeal in my radios. I asked
"ground, do you hear an annoying squeal during my transmissions?"
Without missing a beat, the (male) controller shot back
"no ma'am, that individual just went downstairs"

Zingggg!

Cheers,
Sydney

[Jeff]

the funniest thing I have heard was when we were shooting approaches
into LAS (las vegas international), a tomahawk came in and started doing
approaches also, when the tower gave the tomahawk instructions, an
airliner called tower and said "tomahawk, chop chop"
then said, "what kind of ground speed are you showing on that tomahawk"
tower said 100 kts, the airliner goes, 100 kts over the ground! Oh
boyyyyyy..

It was funnier being there and listening to it then telling it later.
but the tomahawk left right after that.

wrote:

> I'm working my way through my IFR training...
> Today on the radio "79V switch to 134.0"
>
> Where I dial in 134.0 on the toggle freq acknolege the request
> switch to COM2 (Meant to hit toggle)
> Annonced that I was checking in....
> At which point ground control (from where I'd left 15 min ago)
> tells me they don't know why I'm calling..... with laughter.
>
> I realise that this in only slightly funny, but makes me wonder
> what is the funnyist thing you have ever heard on the radio?
>
> Paul

[Dale]

In article >, Jeff > wrote:

Was listening to an approach controller talking to a pilot. Approach
was having a hard time hearing the pilot and said: "I can barely hear
you, turn your volume up." <g>

--
Dale L. Falk

There is nothing - absolutely nothing - half so much worth doing
as simply messing around with airplanes.

http://home.gci.net/~sncdfalk/flying.html

[GregR]

wrote:

> I realise that this in only slightly funny, but makes me wonder
> what is the funnyist thing you have ever heard on the radio?

An old anecdote that's made the rounds for a while goes something like
this:

Many commercial aircraft are stacked up waiting for approach to O'Hare.
ATC has imposed numerous delays, and some planes are already 1-2 hours
late. The WX is good, it's just that there is a traffic bottleneck
somewhere. Pilots, passengers, crew are all getting quite frustrated and
angry.

ATC: "All aircraft holding, expect 20 minutes additional delay."

Unknown A/C: "Ahhh . . . bull****!"

ATC: "Aircraft making last transmission, identify yourself."

(silence)

ATC: "Aircraft making last transmission, identify yourself immediately!"

(silence)

ATC: "Aircraft using 'bull****' in last transmission, identify yourself.
American 411, was that you?"

American 411: "Approach, American 411: negative on the 'bull****,' sir."

NW 202: "Approach, NW 202: negative on the 'bull****.'"

Delta 55: "Approach, Delta 55: negative on the 'bull****.'"

NW 33: "Approach, NW 33: we have a negative on that 'bull****.'"

.. . . and so on, right through the entire pattern.

--

GregR - Another Beemer Biker ...o&o>

[This space for rent - inquire within]

[Gene Seibel]

Pilot explaining in great detail to passengers about how they were
having engine trouble and would be diverting to a different airport.

Second pilot came on and said, 'Do it again on the intercom.'

Third pilot says, 'You told them way too much.'
--
Gene Seibel
Hangar 131 - http://pad39a.com/gene/plane.html
Because I fly, I envy no one.


> I'm working my way through my IFR training...
> Today on the radio "79V switch to 134.0"
>
> Where I dial in 134.0 on the toggle freq acknolege the request
> switch to COM2 (Meant to hit toggle)
> Annonced that I was checking in....
> At which point ground control (from where I'd left 15 min ago)
> tells me they don't know why I'm calling..... with laughter.
>
> I realise that this in only slightly funny, but makes me wonder
> what is the funnyist thing you have ever heard on the radio?
>
>
> Paul

[Paul Tomblin]

In a previous article, (Gene Seibel) said:
>Pilot explaining in great detail to passengers about how they were
>having engine trouble and would be diverting to a different airport.
>
>Second pilot came on and said, 'Do it again on the intercom.'
>
>Third pilot says, 'You told them way too much.'

The one I heard of was the pilot being told to go around because his gear
wasn't down, and then him telling the "passengers" that he was going
around because a plane entered the runway ahead of him, but saying it on
the frequency instead of on the intercom.


--
Paul Tomblin > http://xcski.com/blogs/pt/
As it should be - snipe at *.mil and expect to drop any plans for
the rest of that day.
-- Alex

[Peter R.]

Jeff ) wrote:

> then said, "what kind of ground speed are you showing on that tomahawk"
> tower said 100 kts, the airliner goes, 100 kts over the ground! Oh
> boyyyyyy..

That reminds me of an incident during my instrument training. We were
flying an ILS into my home airport in a C172. There was a moderate head
wind, so my ground speed was only about 65 kts or so.

A 737 had arrived at the runway and called ready. We were still about five
miles out so I was expecting the controller to clear the 737 for takeoff.
Instead, the controller instructed the 737 to hold short for approaching
traffic.

About 30 seconds slip by when the 737 pilot calls out, "What kind of
aircraft is approaching, a helicopter?"

--
Peter




























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[Kevin Chandler]

We have an approach controller in Dayton who is very funny. I always enjoy
talking to him. He rarely uses the "traditional" ATC words unless you don't
understand him and he has to repeat it. One day he was having a
communication problem with a pilot about what to squawk. 5 times he
instructed him to squawk 1234; however, the pilot kept repeating 1324.
Finally, he told him to write down the numbers exactly as he said them and
slowly repeated the squawk a 6th time. When the pilot successfully repeated
it to him he said "Great!! Nice job. Now I want you to make your
transponder look exactly like what you wrote down." Several pilots chimed
in thanking him for a good laugh.

[Everett M. Greene]

"Kevin Chandler" > writes:
> We have an approach controller in Dayton who is very funny. I always enjoy
> talking to him. He rarely uses the "traditional" ATC words unless you don't
> understand him and he has to repeat it. One day he was having a
> communication problem with a pilot about what to squawk. 5 times he
> instructed him to squawk 1234; however, the pilot kept repeating 1324.
> Finally, he told him to write down the numbers exactly as he said them and
> slowly repeated the squawk a 6th time. When the pilot successfully repeated
> it to him he said "Great!! Nice job. Now I want you to make your
> transponder look exactly like what you wrote down." Several pilots chimed
> in thanking him for a good laugh.

You mean the controller didn't do this on the /third/ try?

[Roger Halstead]

On 14 Nov 2003 17:36:33 -0800, (Snowbird)
wrote:

wrote in message >...
>
>> I realise that this in only slightly funny, but makes me wonder
>> what is the funnyist thing you have ever heard on the radio?
>
>My personal funniest malapropism to date was one time when
>the Tower asked if I had my landing light turned on. I
>replied I had everything turned on, then realized what I'd
>said by the gale of backround laughter over the controller's
>dry "roger".
>
>Guyzzzz!
>
>The funniest thing I heard was one time when I was getting
>some kind of feedback squeal in my radios. I asked
>"ground, do you hear an annoying squeal during my transmissions?"
>Without missing a beat, the (male) controller shot back
>"no ma'am, that individual just went downstairs"

Some years back... 94, 95...some where in there, my wife and I flew
the Deb out to visit my daughter in Boulder Colorado. Our Destination
was to be Jefco (BJC). My apologies to those of you who have read
this story a dozen times already.

To say the weather was "el-stinko" would be an understatement. They
had tower Q over the mountains, but unfortunately they had slid off
into the Boulder, Denver, and parts east areas. We were expecting to
find nice weather with the storms over the mountains.

A half hour after we passed Lyman they had a Tornado.

At first there were these huge towering Q, but as we neared Arapaho it
began to get hazy. (I don't think that VOR is there any more).

At this point I was talking to Denver app. They cleared me to BJC,
but it was difficult to hear as we were just about getting the snot
beat out of us. That was probably the roughest ride I've had (of any
distance). I kept hearing, "Thirty Three Romeo, .... ..... cleared
direct BJC" and I'd readback" Thirty Three Romeo cleared direct BJC".
The controller would come back with , "Negative! That was Thirty Three
Romeo...Cleared.... .... direct BJC".

This exchange was repeated at least 3 or 4 times as I recall with the
controller finally saying "one_more_time_ Thirty Three Romeo
<pause>Cleared<pause> direct<pause> Arapaho<pause> direct<pause> BJC",
which I repeated. I'm sure I could hear some cheering in the
background. But those guys knew what all of us out there were having
to contend with. There was some really bad weather and we all wanted
to get on the ground and the controllers were doing their best to get
us there and our destinations at the same time.
It was a case of the weather being far worse and far sooner than
forecast.

About one minute later he came back and gave us "OK, this time
Debonair Eight Thirty Three Romeo, cleared direct BJC", which took us
right over the south end of Stapleton(sp?).

We didn't get caught in any hail, but it took out the copilots wind
screen on a Beech 1900 departing Stapleton (sp?), Splintered roofs in
Boulder, totaled out a couple of new car lots, and thoroughly trashed
what had been a really nice Seneca (which was in the air). I'm not
sure how it flew, but there wasn't much left that looked like an
airfoil.

As we were driving out of the parking lot at the FBO located on the NW
side of Jefco I looked up to see a Cherokee spit out the side of this
big, black, towering Q. He was probably a bit more than being 90
degreeded. Fortunately he did get it straightened out.

Roger Halstead (K8RI EN73 & ARRL Life Member)
www.rogerhalstead.com
N833R World's oldest Debonair? (S# CD-2)
>
>Zingggg!
>
>Cheers,
>Sydney

[Phil Verghese]

Saw something similar posted on the net a while ago...

On a quiet frequency one night

Unknown A/C: "I'm f**king bored"
ATC: "Aircraft calling identify yourself."
Unknown A/C: "I said I'm f**king bored, not f**cking stupid!"


Phil
www.pfactor.com

[Tim]

On my first flight into C airspace with my instructor (as a private pilot
student) I didn't realize the policy of the tower was to ask for GA planes
to shut off their transponders while doing circuits.

Tower:
"cessna 1234, squawk standby"

either a lame response from me, or no response

tower repeated the call at least 2 more times before my instructor asked if
I was going to turn the transponder switch to standby as I had acknowledged
the call and he knew I heard it.

I thought I was standing by for a new code and they were just taking their
sweet time making one up.

[Peter R.]

Jeff ) wrote:

> then said, "what kind of ground speed are you showing on that tomahawk"
> tower said 100 kts, the airliner goes, 100 kts over the ground! Oh
> boyyyyyy..

During my instrument training we were about five miles out on an ILS
approach when a taxiing B737 arrived at the runway and called ready. I
thought for sure the tower would clear him for T/O but instead they
instructed him to hold short for landing traffic.

On this clear day there was a moderately strong headwind, so my groundspeed
was somewhere around 65kts in a C172. About thirty seconds elapses when
the pilot of the B737 asks the tower, "What kind of aircraft is
approaching, a helicopter?"

--
Peter

[Everett M. Greene]

Roger Halstead > writes:
>
> Some years back... 94, 95...some where in there, my wife and I flew
> the Deb out to visit my daughter in Boulder Colorado. Our Destination
> was to be Jefco (BJC). My apologies to those of you who have read
> this story a dozen times already.
>
> To say the weather was "el-stinko" would be an understatement. They
> had tower Q over the mountains, but unfortunately they had slid off
> into the Boulder, Denver, and parts east areas. We were expecting to
> find nice weather with the storms over the mountains.
>
> A half hour after we passed Lyman they had a Tornado.

July 1993. That's Limon, the Hub City of Eastern Colorado.

[Casey Wilson]

At a military field a number of jets were in the pattern doing FMLPs ( I
think the acronym is correct but it isn't important. One of the pilots had
the annoying habit of blowing into his mike every time he keyed the
transmitter. After several trips around, the LSO had had enough....
"Dagger two-six," he called, "you've been blowing in my ear all
afternoon. If I meet you later at the O-Club, will you kiss me?"

[Robert Moore]

"Casey Wilson" > wrote

> At a military field a number of jets were in the pattern
> doing FMLPs

Field Carrier Landing Practice FCLP

[JimC]

I landed about the same time as a 767 (different runways) and ended up
taking the same taxiway as the big bird. We entered opposite ends of the
taxiway about the same time and turned to face each other like in a western
movie gun battle. He needed only to travel about 1/3 of the taxiway before
turning off, while I needed to travel the whole length to get to the ramp
where I parked. Obviously we weren't both going to accomplish our goals at
the same time. Ground control told me where the jet would be turning off,
directed me to give way to the jet, and cautioned for jetwash. I paused for
a second, then answered, "I've given it some thought and I've decided to let
the big guy have his way". I don't know if it was the jet pilot or another
pilot on the field that answered, but while laughing he said, "Good thing -
you'd lose".

JimC

> wrote in message
...
> I'm working my way through my IFR training...
> Today on the radio "79V switch to 134.0"
>
> Where I dial in 134.0 on the toggle freq acknolege the request
> switch to COM2 (Meant to hit toggle)
> Annonced that I was checking in....
> At which point ground control (from where I'd left 15 min ago)
> tells me they don't know why I'm calling..... with laughter.
>
> I realise that this in only slightly funny, but makes me wonder
> what is the funnyist thing you have ever heard on the radio?
>
>
> Paul
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

[Roger Halstead]

On Mon, 17 Nov 2003 10:22:58 -0500, Peter R. > wrote:

>Jeff ) wrote:
>
>> then said, "what kind of ground speed are you showing on that tomahawk"
>> tower said 100 kts, the airliner goes, 100 kts over the ground! Oh
>> boyyyyyy..
>
>That reminds me of an incident during my instrument training. We were
>flying an ILS into my home airport in a C172. There was a moderate head
>wind, so my ground speed was only about 65 kts or so.
>
>A 737 had arrived at the runway and called ready. We were still about five
>miles out so I was expecting the controller to clear the 737 for takeoff.
>Instead, the controller instructed the 737 to hold short for approaching
>traffic.

Man! I was cleared for departure at LAN a few years back with a
request to expedite as there was a DC-9 on a 5 mile final.

A friend had taken his Cherokee down for maintenance and I was giving
him a ride home. I don't think he ever quite looking back until we
made our turn out of the pattern.

We had climbed to 1000, made a right turn and were close to a mile
north before the DC-9 crossed the numbers.

Roger Halstead (K8RI EN73 & ARRL Life Member)
www.rogerhalstead.com
N833R World's oldest Debonair? (S# CD-2)
>
>About 30 seconds slip by when the 737 pilot calls out, "What kind of
>aircraft is approaching, a helicopter?"

[Everett M. Greene]

(Everett M. Greene) writes:
> Roger Halstead > writes:
> >
> > Some years back... 94, 95...some where in there, my wife and I flew
> > the Deb out to visit my daughter in Boulder Colorado. Our Destination
> > was to be Jefco (BJC). My apologies to those of you who have read
> > this story a dozen times already.
> >
> > To say the weather was "el-stinko" would be an understatement. They
> > had tower Q over the mountains, but unfortunately they had slid off
> > into the Boulder, Denver, and parts east areas. We were expecting to
> > find nice weather with the storms over the mountains.
> >
> > A half hour after we passed Lyman they had a Tornado.
>
> July 1993. That's Limon, the Hub City of Eastern Colorado.

Other than the year and month, I had the date right --
it was June 6, 1990.

[vincent p. norris]

> Ground control .....directed me to give way to the jet

In a somewhat similar situation at Greater Pitt, years ago, I reached
an intersection (in a Cherokee) the same time as a 737.

Before Ground Control could say anything, the 737 stopped, an arm
reached out of the copilot's window, waving me on, and a voice on the
radio said "Go ahead, Cherokee; we always try to be nice to our Indian
friends."

vince norris

[Teacherjh]

>>
In a somewhat similar situation at Greater Pitt, years ago, I reached
an intersection (in a Cherokee) the same time as a 737.

Before Ground Control could say anything, the 737 stopped, an arm
reached out of the copilot's window, waving me on...
<<

At first I pictured this happening at a five letter intersection at seven
thousand feet.

Jose

--
(for Email, make the obvious changes in my address)

[K. Ari Krupnikov]

writes:

> I realise that this in only slightly funny, but makes me wonder
> what is the funnyist thing you have ever heard on the radio?

Coming back from my first student solo XC in 2000, I realized I'd set
up too high for my approach, pushed full throttle, established a climb
and informed the tower I was going around. The tower came back with
one word, 'observed'.

Ari.

--
Elections only count as free and trials as fair if you can lose money
betting on the outcome.

[Bob Noel]

In article >,
wrote:

> I realise that this in only slightly funny, but makes me wonder
> what is the funnyist thing you have ever heard on the radio?

heard on the air today (clearly I wasn't really
paying attention to this interchange until the end)...

some aircraft was using unicom to call in range.

The guy on the ground asked if he had the MOD on board (I think).

The aircraft replied "No, I have Michael Jackson on board"

The reply: "It s**ks to be you"

--
Bob Noel

[cefarthing]

Pre Sept 11, 2001 doing night approaches at a local Civilian field with an
ANG wing. Tower is trying to call me out as traffic for to two in bound
A-10's. After a couple of position reports the converstation goes something
like this...

Tower to A-10s: "Your target is inbound on the approach at 12 oclock & 5
miles indicating 1400 feet."

A10 to Tower: "We have the target in sight, requesting permission to
engage."

After a LONG pause, the Tower comes back: "Correction, That's TRAFFIC, not
target."

A10 to Tower: "Ah shucks..."

Me to Tower: "Thank you for that minor distinction and stand by while I
unload my flare pistol."

[Dale]

In article <36Nxb.6255$Yt4.4893@lakeread05>,
"cefarthing" > wrote:


We were in the Chicago area with the B-24 and were inbound to the
airport after a local flight. We requested a low approach with closed
traffic for a full stop. The controller approved our request then told
the bizjet behind us to do a 360 (to allow us time to do our thing).
The bizjet asked why he was having to do the 360 and the Tower replied
"Any airplane with guns has the right-of-way!" <G>

--
Dale L. Falk

There is nothing - absolutely nothing - half so much worth doing
as simply messing around with airplanes.

http://home.gci.net/~sncdfalk/flying.html

[Colin Kingsbury]

> > I realise that this in only slightly funny, but makes me wonder
> > what is the funnyist thing you have ever heard on the radio?

~2 yrs ago on takeoff out of BED, tower calls us, "Warrior 10J, hanscom
tower with a request."

"Tower 10J, go ahead," we reply.

"When you cross the departure end of 11, look off to your right and tell us
if you see a kangaroo anywhere."

Long pause. We look around. "Um, negative kangaroo."

"OK, thanks 10J."

Never did find out the story behind that one...

[John Roncallo]

wrote:

> I'm working my way through my IFR training...
> Today on the radio "79V switch to 134.0"
>
> Where I dial in 134.0 on the toggle freq acknolege the request
> switch to COM2 (Meant to hit toggle)
> Annonced that I was checking in....
> At which point ground control (from where I'd left 15 min ago)
> tells me they don't know why I'm calling..... with laughter.
>
> I realise that this in only slightly funny, but makes me wonder
> what is the funnyist thing you have ever heard on the radio?
>
>
> Paul
>
>

Today I was safety piloting for an instrument pilot who was a bit rusty.
We were doing the ILS 33 into BDL. The whole way down he was full scale
side to side on the localizer and almost as bad on the glide slope.
Tower asked a commercial airliner to hold short of 33 for aircraft on
low approach. The aircraft who was facing right at us, replied "Holding
short and a fine approach it is". We both started laughing and the pilot
turns to me and says remember whats herd in the cockpit stays in the
cockpit. Therefore I cannot divulge his name but if he is reading this
he will kill me.

John Roncallo

[Brien K. Meehan]

A couple weeks ago, I heard someone approaching LAN - a King Air, I
think. Lansing Approach gave him a vector that would have given him a
reasonable final, and the pilot requested direct to the field for a
visual approach.

The approach controller said, "I can give you that, but you've got
about 5 miles to lose 6000 feet." The pilot replied, "That's fine,
we'll take it." So, the controller gave him the new vector, he read
it back, and then keyed up again and said, "Screamin'!"

The controller replied, "Is that you or your passengers?"