OFF TOPIC and long: Insults

The quality of insults on this site has really gone down (you sinners
know who you are). Someone made a collection of higher quality
insults, and I'm including them here for your inspiration.

Do try to do better in the future.

Here's a warning for the more literate among you: don't drink coffee
while reading these, the chances are you'll ruin your keyboard.





*WHEN INSULTS HAD CLASS*
*(USING NO FOUR LETTER WORDS)** *



These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with
words
was still valued, before a great portion of the English
language got boiled down to four letter words, uttered by
monosyllabic idiots, not to mention the same jerks, waving
middle
fingers.



The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said,
"If you were my husband I'd give you poison,"
and he said,
"If you were my wife, I'd drink it."


A Member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die
on
the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends,
Sir," said Disraeli, "on whether I embrace your policies or
your mistress."



"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr




"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Winston Churchill



"A modest little person, with much to be modest
about."
- Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many
obituaries with
great pleasure."- Clarence Darrow





"He has never been known to use a word that
might send a reader to
the dictionary." -William Faulkner (about
Ernest Hemingway).

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions
come from big
words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William
Faulkner)



"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll
waste no
time reading it."- Moses Hadas



"He can compress the most words into the smallest
idea of any man
I know."- Abraham Lincoln



"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice
letter saying I
approved of it." - Mark Twain


"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked
by his friends."
- OscarWilde


"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night
of my new play;
bring a friend... if you have one." - George
Bernard
Shaw to Winston Churchill



"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend
second . . . if
there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.



"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost
like having you
here." - Stephen Bishop



"He is a self- made man and worships his creator." -
John Bright



"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope
it's nothing
trivial."- Irvin S. Cobb





"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause
of dullness in
others." - Samuel Johnson


"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to
run up." - Paul
Keating


"There's nothing wrong with you that
reincarnation won't
cure."** - Jack E. Leonard**
** **


"He has the attention span of a lightning
bolt." - Robert
Redford


"They never open their mouths without
subtracting from the sum of
human knowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed


"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she
always yielded
easily."- Charles, Count Talleyrand


"He loves nature in spite of what it did to
him." - Forrest Tucker


"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope
without any address
on it?" - Mark Twain


"His mother should have thrown him away and
kept the stork."
- Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others,
whenever they
go." - Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-
posts . . . for
support rather than illumination." - Andrew
Lang (1844- 1912)

"He has all of the morals of a dog in heat."-
Unknown
Source - (about a previous president.)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder





"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening but this
wasn't it."
- Groucho Marx