Some Funnies

elmshoot- The only three things a wingman should ever say a

1. Two's up.
2. Lead, you're on fire.
3. I'll take the fat chick. BRBR

What to never say to your RIO-

1)-what's that?

2)-watch this.
P. C. Chisholm
CDR, USN(ret.)
Old Phart Phormer Phantom, Turkey, Viper, Scooter and Combat Buckeye Phlyer

#1 thing a GIB never wants to hear a pilot mumble is, "Uh-oh."

"Gordon" wrote in message
...
#1 thing a GIB never wants to hear a pilot mumble is, "Uh-oh."

Don't you mean "Oh ****!" Reputably the most common expression used by
pilots during VietEx.

Red Rider

On 11/28/03 9:56 AM, in article
, "Pechs1"
wrote:

elmshoot- The only three things a wingman should ever say a

1. Two's up.
2. Lead, you're on fire.
3. I'll take the fat chick. BRBR

What to never say to your RIO-

1)-what's that?

2)-watch this.

Reminds me of the USAF exchange dude at VA-95 on their WESTPAC '93. He was
-2 of a flight of two in which lead was shooting some video with his
personal camera--aileron rolls, inverted flight, knife edge... you get the
picture.

When they were done with the briefed stuff -2 offered some direction (with
no additional explanation):

Point the camera steady out front, hold 200 knots and (here's the phrase)
watch this.

He approached from behind and below at about 450 knots (or whatever mil
power gave him). When he was about 20-30 feet below lead's aircraft and saw
the turret of the other jet pass overhead, he smartly hauled back on the
stick.

The tail of his aircraft was sheared off by the nose of his lead. All four
dudes punched out and lived to tell about it.

Lead and his wingman were exonerated. -2 B/N was slapped on the wrist for
not being assertive enough to put a stop to it. The Navy and the USAF
fought for several months over who would get to take away -2 pilot's wings.
The USAF eventually won that battle.

--Woody

What to never say to your RIO-

1)-what's that?

2)-watch this.

3)-Uh, we've got a problem.
4)-Groan! My chest! (particularly effective prior to a night recovery.)

R / John

More humor at:

http://www.strategypage.com/humor/de...ht_stories.htm

and

http://www.strategypage.com/humor/de...t=20001215.htm

and

http://www.strategypage.com/humor/de...get=pilots.htm

and

http://www.strategypage.com/humor/de...t=20010406.htm

and

http://www.strategypage.com/humor/de...t=20021002.htm

"John Carrier" wrote in message
...
What to never say to your RIO-

1)-what's that?

2)-watch this.

3)-Uh, we've got a problem.
4)-Groan! My chest! (particularly effective prior to a night recovery.)

Here's one that really got my attention:

After the fourth night bolter, pilot says, "I don't think I can land this
one. We're gonna have to step out of the jet."

__!_!__
Gizmo

After the fourth night bolter, pilot says, "I don't think I can land this
one. We're gonna have to step out of the jet."

That's why they provide that fancy 90-degree angle flashlight - you can toss it
around corners and knock a little sense into him!

G

On 11/30/03 12:12 AM, in article
, "Gordon"
wrote:


After the fourth night bolter, pilot says, "I don't think I can land this
one. We're gonna have to step out of the jet."

That's why they provide that fancy 90-degree angle flashlight - you can toss
it
around corners and knock a little sense into him!

G

That's funny.

We had a pilot that boltered four times with nearly identical passes
something like...

(H)CDIM, TMP.COIC, _HFB_AR B/

Forgive my shorthand, I have too much integrity to be an LSO. After his
obligatory trip to the tanker, he came back around only to show the same
pass again.

At about the "in the middle" position, the B/N says, "Here we go AGAIN."

_LOIM-IC_ 1 -

Probably the only reason they got aboard.

--Woody

We had a pilot that boltered four times with nearly identical passes
something like...

(H)CDIM, TMP.COIC, _HFB_AR B/

Looks like he was chasing the fantail to me. Too easy for me to judge a skill
I will never possess, so I'll just hush.

Forgive my shorthand, I have too much integrity to be an LSO. After his
obligatory trip to the tanker, he came back around only to show the same
pass again.

At about the "in the middle" position, the B/N says, "Here we go AGAIN."

I always wanted to ride A-6s - B/N seemed like a red hot job to me, but I would
have settled for riding in the backseat of a Queer. Wait. That didn't..
errr.. I mean I wanted to be an EWO in EA-6Bs, but they cancelled that program
while I was in aircrew school. Jeez, who gives these airplanes nicknames
anyways?!

_LOIM-IC_ 1 -

Probably the only reason they got aboard.

During workups in 1980, we had a former F-4 RIO sitting behind an F-14 pilot
trying to come aboard IKE under severely glassy conditions off Florida, en
route to Gitmo. After the first bolter, the pilot tried a more aggressive
approach and hit the deck pretty solidly on his second pass, but he failed to
grab a wire and let his frustration get the best of him. As he hopped back off
the deck, he hauled back on the stick, giving all of us deck apes a lovely view
of his burners as he pointed the nose upward. Lots of "WOWWWS!" going on,
followed by a pair of loud "pops", and both crewmen shot out of the canopy of
their suddenly unmanned jet. It flew off toward Cuba, requiring someone else
from our airwing to go out to shoot it down, but later it succumbed on its own
accord. What we heard later was that the F-4 RIO had a bad experience in his
past and even though he transitioned to F-14s, he still had that old memory
screwing with him - when the pilot boltered and went clawing for the sky, the
RIO blew them both out. The two were rescued immediately, but were not exactly
"ok" - the pilot was about ready to rip the former RIO apart, even as they were
brought back aboard. Talk about a grand mal faux pas! If I recall correctly,
the man was flown off the ship within a day or two of this career suicide.

To Wil Dossel - any other good Ike stories you can remember...?

v/r
Gordon
====(A+C====
USN SAR Aircrew

"Got anything on your radar, SENSO?"
"Nothing but my forehead, sir."