Pilots "Twas the night before Christmas"

"Cockpit Colin" wrote in message
...
OMG - is it that time of year again?

Yup!!



THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
December 14, 2004
My dearest darling John:
Who ever in the whole world would dream of getting a real Partridge in
a Pear Tree? How can I ever express my pleasure. Thank you a hundred
times for thinking of me this way.
My love always,
Agnes
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December 15, 2004
Dearest John:
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine two
turtle doves. I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They
are just adorable.
All my love,
Agnes
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December 16, 2004
Dear John:
Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one. Now I must protest. I don't
deserve such generosity, three French hens. They are just darling but
I must insist, you've been too kind.
All my love,
Agnes
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December 17, 2004
Dear John:
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really, they are
beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough. You are being too
romantic.
Affectionately,
Agnes
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December 18, 2004
Dearest John:
What a surprise. Today the postman delivered five golden rings, one
for every finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all
those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.
All my love,
Agnes
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December 19, 2004
Dear John:
When I opened the door today there were actually six geese laying on
my front steps. So you're back to the birds again huh? These geese
are huge.
Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I
can't sleep through the racket. Please stop.
Cordially,
Agnes
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December 20, 2004
John:
What's with you and those freaking birds?? Seven swans a swimming.
What kind of damn joke is this? There's bird poop all over the house
and they never stop the racket. I can't sleep at night and I'm a
nervous wreck. It's not funny. So stop sending the freaking birds.
Sincerely,
Agnes
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December 21, 2004
O.K. Buster:
I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with 8
maids a milking? It's not enough with all those birds and 8 maids a
milking, but they had to bring their damn cows. There is manure all
over the lawn and I can't move in my own house. Just lay off me,
smartass.
Agnes
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December 22, 2004
Hey ****head:
What are you.....some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers
playing. And Christ do they play. They've never stopped chasing those
maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are getting
upset and they're stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I
going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me.
You'll get yours !
Agnes
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December 23, 2004
You rotten prick:
Now there's ten ladies dancing. I don't know why I call those sluts
ladies. They've been balling the pipers all night long. Now the
cows can' t sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river
of ****. The Commissioner of Buildings has subpoenaed me to give
cause why the building shouldn't be condemned. I'm calling the
police on you !
Agnes
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December 24, 2004
Listen ****head:
What's with those eleven lords a leaping on those maid and ladies?
Some of those broads will never walk again. Those pipers ran through
the maids and have been sodomizing the cows. All twenty-three of the birds
are dead. They were trampled to death in the orgy.
I hope you're satisfied, you rotten vicious swine.
You're sworn enemy,
Agnes
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December 25, 2004
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling
which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McHolstein.
The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should
come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss McHolstein
at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have been instructed to
shoot you on sight.
With this letter please find attached a warrant for your arrest.
Cordially,
Law Offices of Badger, Bender and Chole