How Aircraft Stay In The Air

How did this secret information make it into the public domain? I've
been a practicing Aircraft Performance Engineer for the past 26 years
and have always tried to explain how airplanes fly by using the official
public explanations regarding Bernoulli, airfoils and other such rot.
Civilians just weren't ready for the truth. In fact, we generally don't
speak about the magic directly. Most of our plans and estimates usually
end with the phrase "and then a miracle happens".

Mike Lechnar

Sarah Hotdesking wrote:

I received this today:-

There are still people in this company who think we weigh aircraft to find
out how much they weigh, not to calculate stresses. Of course we need to
know how much the thing weighs. How are we ever going to know how many
Thrust Pixies we need to get the thing off the ground if we don't know the
weight? Or should that be "Lift Demons"? Pixies have largely fallen into
disrepute - something about Bernoulli not being representative in unbounded
conditions and cause and effect being transposed in the Newtonian model.

In fact the use of Lift Demons on civil aircraft programmes is generally not
that good an idea. The Demon binding contract tends to specify payment in
blood or souls. This is readily achievable with aircraft of military
function, but frowned upon in civilian circles as they may attempt to
acquire payment outside of the terms of their binding contract. Lift Demons
are not used on Elf bombers. We don't talk about Lift Pixies too often as it
seems to upset the self-loading cargo.

Pixies require payment in cakes, flowers or nice thoughts. These are readily
sourced either from the in-flight catering, or provided cost-free by the
passengers. Clearly this would not work well within an operational military
environment. Air force cooking is not renowned for the "light and fluffy
texture" that Thrust Pixies demand, the availability of flowers might be
problematic in desert operations, and nice thoughts may also be hard to find
during times of active operations.

There is also a scalability issue. While one rampant Lift Demon would have
few problems supporting a fighter aircraft (particularly if there is an
immediate prospect of blood), it'll struggle to achieve level controlled
flight of a 560tonne Airbus A380. Use of more than one Lift Demon on the
same flight vehicle is contra-indicated (they squabble and eat each other).
Communities of Thrust Pixies can be encouraged to work together on the same
aircraft by the provision of advanced technologies such as Lemon fondant
icing, variegated tulips or in-flight romantic comedies.

Ryanair once requested Leprachauns be installed in place of Lift Pixies, but
leprechauns have a mission statement which indicates their desire for
monetary gain, and their willingness to search all over the world for it.
This makes Lift Leprechauns expensive to keep (gold vs lemon fondant icing),
and makes it difficult to establish a regular route network as the Lift
Leprechauns don't like to continuously visit the same locations. By law,
aircraft also have to have a full complement of In-Flight Gremlins, but
these are generally not a problem unless you feed the Wingtip Vortex Faeries
after midnight.

--
Sarah H
http://www.messybeast.com
http://www.shartwell.freeserve.co.uk...-site/aeth.htm
Aethism - a religion for the 21st Century

Mike Lechnar wrote in message ...
How did this secret information make it into the public domain? I've
been a practicing Aircraft Performance Engineer for the past 26 years
and have always tried to explain how airplanes fly by using the official
public explanations regarding Bernoulli, airfoils and other such rot.
Civilians just weren't ready for the truth. In fact, we generally don't
speak about the magic directly. Most of our plans and estimates usually
end with the phrase "and then a miracle happens".

snip
More credit should be given to the fart fairies. For, without their
bean eating and gas production, no machine could power itself from the
earth surface...
and the turbine winder rounder gnomes that hide inside those socalled
engine nacelles from the public with their serious kerosine drinking
problems..
The leading edge leeries that give the extra little push that keeps
the nose up..
oh the pain the pain

"George" wrote in message
m...
Mike Lechnar wrote in message
...
How did this secret information make it into the public domain? I've
been a practicing Aircraft Performance Engineer for the past 26 years
and have always tried to explain how airplanes fly by using the official
public explanations regarding Bernoulli, airfoils and other such rot.
Civilians just weren't ready for the truth. In fact, we generally don't
speak about the magic directly. Most of our plans and estimates usually
end with the phrase "and then a miracle happens".

snip
More credit should be given to the fart fairies. For, without their
bean eating and gas production, no machine could power itself from the
earth surface...

Fairies tend to less concerned with good and evil and make better dual use
aircraft.

On Fri, 27 Feb 2004 20:09:29 GMT, Mike Lechnar
wrote:

How did this secret information make it into the public domain? I've
been a practicing Aircraft Performance Engineer for the past 26 years
and have always tried to explain how airplanes fly by using the official
public explanations regarding Bernoulli, airfoils and other such rot.
Civilians just weren't ready for the truth. In fact, we generally don't
speak about the magic directly. Most of our plans and estimates usually
end with the phrase "and then a miracle happens".

I let the cat out of the bag over a decade ago.

Here, in a sci.aeronautics posting from 1994, is the explanation of
lift demons. It has since been elaborated a bit.

Subject: Lift demons

Mary Shafer ) explains lift:

OK, here it is--the real, intuitively-obvious-even-to-the-lay-person
explanation of lift.

People, lift is caused by lift demons. These little, invisible demons
hold on to the leading and trailing edges of the aircraft and lift it
into the air by flapping their wings (so, in a reductionist sense,
lift is actually caused by feathers). Some of the demons are a little
confused and they hold on backwards, causing drag.

The reason that planes stall at high alpha is that the leading edge
demons get scared and let go when they can't see the ground anymore.

Lift demons have good taste and don't like to look at ugly aircraft,
so they hold on backwards on ugly planes. That's why gliders have
so much lift and so little drag and why F-4s have lots of drag.

John Wolter ) asked:

What I would like is a simple *intuitive* explanation of what
causes lift
on a lift demon's wing. (Here we go again... ;-)

Mary Shafer ) replied:

Feathers. The multiple filaments on feathers trap the air molecules
and they struggle to escape, which causes the action-reaction that we
call lift. Bat wings don't have feathers but they're hairy and that
works just about as well (air molecules are a little claustrophobic).

And Richard Winterstein ) suggested another
mechanism:

It was originally believed smaller lift demons, who had their lift
produced by even smaller lift demons, etc., as proposed by the great
Greek philosopher/scientist Miasma. However, with the revival of
scientific knowledge that eventually ended the Dark Ages, it was
realized that this situation was unresolvable according to Zeno's
paradox.

Of course, the 'infinite demons' theory works in many problems of
engineering significance, but a real understanding requires that the
ether be introduced into the analysis at some point. The ether
concept, of course, explains why planes fly more efficiently at higher
altitudes, and, of course, is an absolute necessity when studying
orbital and interplanetary travel, where (it is believed) many of the
lift demons are unable to breathe. Hope that settles the question.

And in a follow-up:

Do shock waves act like cattle prods and make the lift deamons
try to escape? Is why supersonic aircraft are so fast and so
noisy. Why do blimps work? -D

[Moderator's note: Blimps work because the lift demons can cling to
the seams in the envelope and the wires for the advertising lights, of
course. And there are specialized supersonic lift demons (they hang
around Harley-Davidsons when there's nothing flying) that are a little
noisy. Transonic drag rise/lift reduction is caused by the subsonic
lift demons handing off to the supersonic lift demons, since there are
only so many places for the demon to grab on. I'd never thought about
the shock waves--any ideas out there? MFS]
--
Mary Shafer Retired aerospace research engineer

actually, it is a very simple answer,
Money
the more you throw at a plane, the faster/higher it goes.

Matt Gunsch,
A&P,IA,Private Pilot
Riding member of the
2003 world champion drill team
Arizona Precision Motorcycle Drill Team
GWRRA,NRA,GOA

On Sun, 14 Mar 2004 21:38:31 -0800, Mary Shafer wrote:

On Fri, 27 Feb 2004 20:09:29 GMT, Mike Lechnar
wrote:

How did this secret information make it into the public domain? I've
been a practicing Aircraft Performance Engineer for the past 26 years
and have always tried to explain how airplanes fly by using the official
public explanations regarding Bernoulli, airfoils and other such rot.
Civilians just weren't ready for the truth. In fact, we generally don't
speak about the magic directly. Most of our plans and estimates usually
end with the phrase "and then a miracle happens".

I let the cat out of the bag over a decade ago.

Here, in a sci.aeronautics posting from 1994, is the explanation of
lift demons. It has since been elaborated a bit.

Subject: Lift demons

Mary Shafer ) explains lift:

OK, here it is--the real, intuitively-obvious-even-to-the-lay-person
explanation of lift.

People, lift is caused by lift demons. These little, invisible demons
hold on to the leading and trailing edges of the aircraft and lift it
into the air by flapping their wings (so, in a reductionist sense,
lift is actually caused by feathers). Some of the demons are a little
confused and they hold on backwards, causing drag.

The reason that planes stall at high alpha is that the leading edge
demons get scared and let go when they can't see the ground anymore.

Lift demons have good taste and don't like to look at ugly aircraft,
so they hold on backwards on ugly planes. That's why gliders have
so much lift and so little drag and why F-4s have lots of drag.

John Wolter ) asked:

What I would like is a simple *intuitive* explanation of what
causes lift
on a lift demon's wing. (Here we go again... ;-)

Mary Shafer ) replied:

Feathers. The multiple filaments on feathers trap the air molecules
and they struggle to escape, which causes the action-reaction that we
call lift. Bat wings don't have feathers but they're hairy and that
works just about as well (air molecules are a little claustrophobic).

And Richard Winterstein ) suggested another
mechanism:

It was originally believed smaller lift demons, who had their lift
produced by even smaller lift demons, etc., as proposed by the great
Greek philosopher/scientist Miasma. However, with the revival of
scientific knowledge that eventually ended the Dark Ages, it was
realized that this situation was unresolvable according to Zeno's
paradox.

Of course, the 'infinite demons' theory works in many problems of
engineering significance, but a real understanding requires that the
ether be introduced into the analysis at some point. The ether
concept, of course, explains why planes fly more efficiently at higher
altitudes, and, of course, is an absolute necessity when studying
orbital and interplanetary travel, where (it is believed) many of the
lift demons are unable to breathe. Hope that settles the question.

And in a follow-up:

Do shock waves act like cattle prods and make the lift deamons
try to escape? Is why supersonic aircraft are so fast and so
noisy. Why do blimps work? -D

[Moderator's note: Blimps work because the lift demons can cling to
the seams in the envelope and the wires for the advertising lights, of
course. And there are specialized supersonic lift demons (they hang
around Harley-Davidsons when there's nothing flying) that are a little
noisy. Transonic drag rise/lift reduction is caused by the subsonic
lift demons handing off to the supersonic lift demons, since there are
only so many places for the demon to grab on. I'd never thought about
the shock waves--any ideas out there? MFS]

But according to that theory, how do bees manage to fly, having no feathers or
hairs on their wings?
;-)

--
__________ ____---____ Marco Antonio Checa Funcke
\_________D /-/---_----' Santiago de Surco, Lima, Peru
_H__/_/ http://machf.tripod.com
'-_____|(

remove the "no_me_j." and "sons.of." parts before replying

machf wrote in message . ..
On Sun, 14 Mar 2004 21:38:31 -0800, Mary Shafer wrote:

On Fri, 27 Feb 2004 20:09:29 GMT, Mike Lechnar
wrote:

How did this secret information make it into the public domain? I've
been a practicing Aircraft Performance Engineer for the past 26 years
and have always tried to explain how airplanes fly by using the official
public explanations regarding Bernoulli, airfoils and other such rot.
Civilians just weren't ready for the truth. In fact, we generally don't
speak about the magic directly. Most of our plans and estimates usually
end with the phrase "and then a miracle happens".

I let the cat out of the bag over a decade ago.


But we've moved on a great deal since 1994! It's been known for quite
a while that Lift Demons are really only suited for military uses.
Outside of military aviation, Lift Demons are passe - they have
notoriously short attention spans and the ones used on Harriers have
problems discriminating between air and water. Inbreeding in pursuit
of the ultimate high performance Lift Demon may have been the cause.
The way ahead lies with Thrust Pixies, large amounts of lemon fondant
icing and in-flight Hugh Grant movies, at least in civil aviation.

"Moggycat" wrote in message
om...
machf wrote in message
. ..
On Sun, 14 Mar 2004 21:38:31 -0800, Mary Shafer wrote:

On Fri, 27 Feb 2004 20:09:29 GMT, Mike Lechnar
wrote:

How did this secret information make it into the public domain? I've
been a practicing Aircraft Performance Engineer for the past 26 years
and have always tried to explain how airplanes fly by using the
official
public explanations regarding Bernoulli, airfoils and other such rot.
Civilians just weren't ready for the truth. In fact, we generally
don't
speak about the magic directly. Most of our plans and estimates
usually
end with the phrase "and then a miracle happens".

I let the cat out of the bag over a decade ago.


But we've moved on a great deal since 1994! It's been known for quite
a while that Lift Demons are really only suited for military uses.
Outside of military aviation, Lift Demons are passe - they have
notoriously short attention spans and the ones used on Harriers have
problems discriminating between air and water. Inbreeding in pursuit
of the ultimate high performance Lift Demon may have been the cause.
The way ahead lies with Thrust Pixies, large amounts of lemon fondant
icing and in-flight Hugh Grant movies, at least in civil aviation.

Hugh Grant movies?! That's too high a price to pay for advancements in the
civil aircraft sector! Ground 'em, ground 'em for good.

In ,
Jim Doyle radiated into the WorldWideWait:

Hugh Grant movies?! That's too high a price to pay for advancements
in the civil aircraft sector! Ground 'em, ground 'em for good.

Who's Hugh Grant?
--
From the one-and-only Holy Moses®

In om,
Moggycat radiated into the WorldWideWait:

But we've moved on a great deal since 1994! It's been known for
quite a while that Lift Demons are really only suited for military
uses. Outside of military aviation, Lift Demons are passe - they
have notoriously short attention spans and the ones used on
Harriers have problems discriminating between air and water.
Inbreeding in pursuit of the ultimate high performance Lift Demon
may have been the cause. The way ahead lies with Thrust Pixies,
large amounts of lemon fondant icing and in-flight Hugh Grant
movies, at least in civil aviation.

Thrust Pixies are fine for pixilated civilians and the Air Farce.
Lift Demons were good in years past.
But now, Naval Aviation is all Angel-powered. The very best ones are
Blue Angels, of course. That's why they report their altitude as
"angels twenty" or such...
--
From the one-and-only Holy Moses®