On the lighter side

OK - a bit of a Soaring spin on some real-life pilot/mechanic
communications:

Commercial Glider operation -
Commercial Pilot notes in Daily Log to local A&P about maintenance issues
with the glider that requires his immediate attention:


Pilot Entry: Glider seems to have a new rattle.
A&P: Yes, it was a birthday gift from the factory.

Pilot Entry: Tow release sticking - almost needs replacing.
A&P: Almost replaced tow release.

Pilot Entry: Many Dead bugs on leading edge of wing.
A&P: Live bugs on back-order.

Pilot Entry: Divebrakes only provide a 300 feet per minute descent.
A&P: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Pilot Entry: Evidence of leak in main landing gear.
A&P: Evidence removed.

Pilot Entry: Dive brakes very noisy, not sure which wing.
A&P: One side now disconnected, please retest.

Pilot Entry: Audio Vario volume unbelievably loud.
A&P: Volume set to more believable level.

Pilot Entry: Push to talk switch rather sticky.
A&P: Found candy bar near rudder pedals.

Pilot Entry: Ballast system seen leaking.
A&P: Look away next time, it's rude to watch.

Pilot Entry: Suspected crack in canopy.
A&P: Suspect you're right.

Pilot Entry: Tow-pilot reports cylinder missing at full throttle.
A&P: All cylinders found after brief search under cowling.

Pilot Entry: New 2-place glider seems to act funny.
A&P: Glider warned to get serious.

Pilot Entry: Glide Computer hums.
A&P: Reprogrammed glider computer with lyrics.

Pilot Entry: Noise coming from gear-door area. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
A&P: Took hammer away from midget.

Pilot Entry: Relief system has developed a rather stale odor.
A&P: Relief system never installed.

Pilot Entry: Female passenger complained she was very uncomfortable in the
front seat today.
A&P: Have her ask for a different pilot next time.

Pilot Entry: The old control stick squeak is back.
A&P: I kinda knew it couldn't stay away.

Pilot Entry: Brakes stopped working.
A&P: Management says they will consider disciplinary arction.

Pilot Entry: My glider has developed a sloppy canopy fit. I think I have a
screw loose.
A&P: I couldn't agree more.